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So Long Danica, We Hardly Knew Ye

After a swirl of rumors, it has been confirmed that sub-par race car driver Danica Patrick and QB Aaron Rodgers have called it quits.

While things seemed fine last December when Rodgers appeared on her podcast, it seems the strain that COVID-19 lock-downs have put on relationships has not spared our sports power couple. Until recently, they were in quarantine in the mansion they purchased last November.

Danica seemed far more open about the relationship than Rodgers — who, to be fair, highly values his privacy. Patrick frequently shared posts on her social media about their travels and their relationship in general while they were rarely spotted together in public.

Danica Patrick & Aaron Rodgers
January 2018 – July 2020

Danica Patrick with Aaron Rodgers in April 2018

Apr 20, 2018; Milwaukee, WI, USA; Danica Patrick and Aaron Rodgers look on nduring the first quarter of game three of the first round of the 2018 NBA Playoffs between the Boston Celtics and Milwaukee Bucks at BMO Harris Bradley Center. Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports

On the bright side, Rodgers can now fully focus on the upcoming season which may or may not even happen. Although, much like the Packers with his QB spot, he probably already has a replacement or two already lined up.

Jason Parker

Was on the Allen Lazard hype-train before all the cool kids were doing it

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16 Comments

  1. Brad Harder July 17, 2020

    Headline should be “Rodgers shaves Beard”

    1. Nicholas Carlson July 18, 2020

      Well payed

  2. Bobby D July 17, 2020

    AR became a different QB, and not for the better when he started out with Olivia Munn and continued to be a different QB with Danica. Stay single and get your head out of your butt before it’s too late

    1. PF4L July 18, 2020

      Yea, he became a different QB.
      He started dating Munn in spring of 2014.
      In the 2014 season…Rodgers managed to scrape together another MVP award and set the NFL passer rating record.
      Just think what he could have done if he wasn’t dating that bitch.

  3. SAP July 17, 2020

    Hopefully Aaron doesn’t go back to not rolling the bills on his baseball caps properly. He looks like Elmer Fudd when he does this, and I’ve preached to him a few years about that now, and also asked Miss Danica to do so as well. I wonder if Danica now becomes a Bears fan again, in which case she is probably growing her beard back as well. If you need any help through these tough times Aaron, call anytime and I will get the cot fixed up here for you to sulk on. I’ve stored up some beans for winter, and the fishing, hunting, and privacy is good. Hopefully you haven’t spent all of your allowance, on her, but the girls here aren’t as rough, and there’s more of them.

  4. Cheese July 17, 2020

    I wonder what Mordecai (cough, cough.. Monty) thinks of all this? He sure loved the gossip stories.

  5. Skinny July 17, 2020

    “West Hollywood Would Welcome Back Aaron.” Mordecai’s return article to Total Packers.

  6. Ferris July 18, 2020

    I think his play changed when he distanced himself from his family. Maybe he’ll reconcile with them. Danica was always a bad idea she was a Bears fan. I wonder if her stuff was out on the lawn when she got home.

  7. PF4L July 18, 2020

    The good old days, when Monty and i started to bond.

  8. PF4L July 18, 2020

    BOIWTFISTHIS January 17, 2018
    “we have it on good authority that Aaron Rodgers is gay”
    tweets from his old assistant doesn’t count.
    .
    Monty McMahon January 17, 2018
    Not tweets from his old assistant, dipshit. Unlike you, we actually know people. Deal with it.
    .
    PF4L January 17, 2018
    So, if you have it on good authority that Rodgers is gay. Why do you guys insist on constantly obsessing and hammering him on it? It never stops with you guys.

    If Rodgers is gay, bisexual, or whatever, who gives a fuck? Your boy writes that we are going to have to come to terms with that. Gee, when is this website going to come to terms with it? I’m not sure where it ends with that rock head you have writing for you, when is enough, enough? 100 articles, 200? 3 years? 8 years? Does Rodgers owe you fucks an explanation or something? And until you get one, you’ll keep obsessing over him?

    Tell bottom boy to write a decent football article for once in his pathetic life.

  9. Angie Harmon would look good under his powerful arm. Very Pretty, Taller, Easier On His Spine, Proper Height, More Ergonomic, Has Some Football Experience, Can Help Him With Future Acting Career, Republican, Less Razor Stubble, Very Good Helper In A Commercial, Less Need For Dog Or Truck, Can Protect His Fortune With Life Lock …

    1. MMSUCKS July 20, 2020

      Fuck that psycho Republican cunt. Harmon is nuts period. A. Rod would be better off with a blowup doll.

      1. PF4L July 23, 2020

        I think everyone here can agree that i know best (cough).
        .
        After careful discussion, E. Wolf and i are going to start a petition for Rodgers to get back with Olivia Munn. You remember her, a hot piece of ass with a great personality. She’s fun, not afraid to have a slice of pizza and sling down some cocktails and live a little. On top of it she’s smart, has her own cash, and looks good in any photo, and fills out any swimsuit nicely.

        Enough with that tight ass, flat chested librarian he was dating, time for Rodgers to live a little now. The window of winning Championships in Green Bay is over courtesy of the new modern version of Ted Thompson.

        Fuck it, collect your cash and live a little.

      2. R Duke July 31, 2020

        Thank you…nancy reagan’s cardboard cut-out….

  10. PF4L July 19, 2020

    “For every great looking woman out there, there’s a guy whose getting tired of banging her.” – Charlie Harper

  11. NobodysBurfect July 20, 2020

    It says so much about a person’s insecurities when their first way of attacking someone is to say/imply “THEY’RE GAY!”

    In 2018 Gallup estimated 4.5% of the American population is LGBTQ. Deduct 50% for women (As their are currently no women on a 53 player roster) and you have 2.25%. Since rosters are 53 people and not 100, we’ll deduct another half – which leaves us at 1.12%. Along with plenty of anonymous reports from players who claim this, it’s almost a statistic impossibility to say that 1% of the NFL isn’t gay.

    What are you homophobic dipshits going to burn when you find out your favorite player is gay? You already burned the Keurig and your Nike’s! (And no I’m not saying everyone in this thread is homophobic – read the comments).