And Then The Green Bay Packers Fell Apart
Anyone else? Anyone else sitting there in the second half of the Green Bay Packers game with the Seattle Seahawks feeling like this was coming to an inevitable end? I personally channeled 2014 during that second half, meaning the shitbag championship game. Not because I wanted to, but that’s what it slowly felt like. That’s what came to my mind.
On a smaller level, of course. This wasn’t for the Super Bowl. But let’s be honest, the Packers had their chances to win this game. They were up 21-17 at halftime with the second-half kick coming into their hands.
Six plays and a punt after than happened. Delightful.
And yes, many punts were exchanged early in that second half. Many punts were exchanged by two mediocre teams.
People are all of a sudden talking like this is a season-saving win for the Seattle Seahawks, who improved to 5-5. The Packers dropped, once again below .500, at 4-5-1. They can’t win a game away from Lambeau Field. They are an absolutely pathetic 0-5 on the road this season.
I could point to Los Angeles. Maybe New England. Sure, Seattle!
Lost every one of those games and close doesn’t matter in the league.
As Mean Gene Oaklerlund always used to say, “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”
It wasn’t a saying he invented. I just heard him say it a lot as a kid. What I also heard a lot as a kid is this: the Green Bay Packers fucking suck.
This isn’t that, but it’s probably to the point where it has to be a tear-down. A really quick one. And a really quick build-up. The Packers aren’t reloading with Gravy Head Mike McCarthy. If that isn’t clear to you by now, then… I don’t know… go read Mark Murphy Shoves Five Questions Up His Ass, or whatever that is called.
And yes, I will talk about the game.
On paper, Aaron Rodgers was amazing — 21-of-30 for 332 yards, 2 TDs, no picks. On the field, he was shit. How many open receivers did he miss? There isn’t a stat I can point you to, unfortunately. We all saw it though. It was less than that, but how many underthrows were there when guys were wide-fucking-open!? I saw at least three in the second half alone.
I don’t know what the fuck this guy is doing. Can we still blame the injury? Or can we start blaming Olivia Munn… ah, shit… I mean Danica Patrick?
Don’t you get it? Find yourself an airheaded supermodel who makes more money than you, who is hot as hell, and just let’s you play football. This other shit isn’t working. Not working for you. Not working for me. Most importantly, not working for the Green Bay Fucking Packers, who just doled out $134 million for your ass.
I mean, sorry about the knee, but now is the time to ball. You got no other choice. Win out. And then win out again.
Or let’s be honest. This season is a complete and abject failure.
Everyone knows that. The only positive about this loss and probably a lost season is that fat Gravy-Headed prick Mike McCarthy has to be now hanging by a string. I can’t see him gone before the end of the year, but as we’ve already said, Gravy Fart needs to go.
And Rodgers clearly doesn’t give a fuck.