What Was Horseface Doing At The Brewers’ Game?


I’ll be honest with you. I am much more excited about the Milwaukee Brewers than I am about the Green Bay Packers, right now.

Look, I’ll be excited about the Packers later on, when they start handing Aaron Jones the rock 20 times a game and it’s 20 degrees outside.

Right now, I am about MVP Christian Yelich, Locaine (he needs some, you know what I mean), A Game Wade, Formerly Racist Josh Hader and the Brew Crew.

There have always been two things I’ve wanted to see in sports before I die. A Packers’ Super Bowl win — got two of those (need more) — and a Brewers’ World Series win.

If the Bucks happen to win a title, which I don’t expect, that would be gravy. If the Badgers finally break through, which they almost did a couple times, hell, that would be amazing. Doesn’t matter if it’s football or basketball.

I will celebrate those moments. Shit, I almost cried when Ron Dayne plowed over whatever asshole to blow past the rushing record in 1999.

Because, Wisconsin.

People want to pretend Wisconsin doesn’t matter. Yeah, it’s not California. And yeah, I live in California. But Wisconsin is something else. I don’t know how many ignorant fuckers have asked me what cities are in Wisconsin.

“Well, Chicago, you dipshit!”

“Also, Detroit!”

When someone from Wisconsin wins, say, the World Series, then everyone has to take notice.

“What? Where is Wisconsin?”

“Oh, oh yeah… I always knew that…”

Anyway, I’m watching the Brewers handle the Colorado Rockies today. And yes, I am talking about the National League Central Division champion Brewers, you scumbag Cubs fans. That team.

But tell me more about Javy Baez!

Here’s a fact. Did you know that turd has the very MLB logo that is on the back of all MLB jerseys tattooed on the back of his neck?

Niiiiiiiiiiiiice, bro!!! Sweet tat, bro!

Alright, now let’s put our hats on backwards and go roofie some women down by the Loop!

Okay, so here’s another thing I don’t like.


Do you know which team leads the league in Horseface?

It shouldn’t surprise you.

Their logo is a goddam Horseface.

Yes, the Denver Horsefaces.

They actually have two Horseface Hall of Famers.

Sterling Sharpe’s less talented brother and Horseface himself.


So, I was surprised that Horseface had time to do something other than fucking up the Denver Horsefaces. But there was Horseface sitting next to Front Row Amy — who you will probably know only by her tits — at game 2 of the NLDS. And he’s wearing his old jersey!


About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

5 Comments on "What Was Horseface Doing At The Brewers’ Game?"

  1. Skinny

    Agree. Im 100 times more into the Brewers over the Packers right now. But did you hear Corey Behnke earlier this week with Nagler talking about how he doesn’t care about what the Brewers are doing this year. Dude was so smug about it too like no one cares about the Brewers and the Packers are all that matters. So wrong on that take. Brewers have a legitimate shot at not only going to the WS but winning it. That’s a big fucking deal in WI.

  2. TyKo Steamboat

    Living as a Packers fan in Steamboat Springs, Colorado … The faggot, fairweather broncos fans that get in your face here are phony nerds with their motor oil stained jorts & their fake Southern accents. You’re an expansion team. John Elway is a dick too, I had a buddy do plumbing in his home & he told me he wouldn’t sign a football card for his daughter because he didn’t like the card brand

    The Broncos are the worst team in this town & get 99% of all the attention. Because of this, every fan here thinks they can judge NFL talent like they were Vince Lombardi. “I don’t like the way Ron Leary’s footwork has developed…” OH MY GOD SHUT UP, ASSHOLE!!!!

    As for Denver itself, it is now the Promontory Point of High-End Douchebaggery: a place where all the worst people from the West Coast, all the worst people from the East Coast & every Mexican looking for a sanctuary city have converged. It’s literally all Latino now. It’s nothing but tech bros, tech bros disguised as nature bros, & junior Lance Armstrongs. As a result, Denver is now nothing but high rises for rich dickheads pretending to be hippies & smug native Coloradans complaining about the rising cost of weed. It is L.A. of the Rockies now.

    & the rest of Colorado isn’t much better aside from Steamboat, Georgetown & Castle Rock. All of its cities suck now. Denver is a nightmare future tech hellscape. Boulder is like if you took Berkeley but also made it Disneyland. Colorado Springs is a bad mix of weirdo running freaks & meth heads & angry military guys. Fort Collins is a bum-fuck farm town. Pueblo is the meth capital of the entire goddamn world & is routinely overrun by locusts, & yet is somehow the most tolerable city in the state. It’s a goddamn tragedy, is what it is. The state with the most amazing natural beauty in America is otherwise defined by 15,000-seat megachurches where a guy in shorts encourages people to “think of Jesus as your workout buddy.”

    John Elway has drafted five quarterbacks as Broncos GM. In order from best to worst:
    Brock Osweiler
    Trevor Siemian
    Paxton Lynch
    Chad Kelly
    Zac Dysert

    John Elway is the uncanny valley version of Gary Busey & Elway looked like a fag with his Dutch boy haircut in the “Elway to Marino” 30 for 30 on ESPN

    Now I love watching them squirm & loose to the Chiefs & Chargers

    My updated hate list for 2018 is as follows: 1.) Minnesota ViQueens 2.) the piece of shit Denver Broncos … 3.) Chicago Bears

    • Savage57

      Holy shit! That’s some quality ire right there, I don’t care who ya are.

      And I thought I had problems with Georgians.

      • Ferris

        No kidding…all that ire and the Broncos still come in second in hate to the Vikings…nice. No true Packer fan can like the Broncos we’ve seen the helicopter play too many times.
        I was a kid living in WI when the Brewers lost in the 82 WS. I hope they get it done this time.
        Complain about the rising cost of weed, that’s funny.

  3. PF4L

    I was surprised you knew about Front Row Titties. She still looks ok for a 50 year old woman (from a distance). God bless surgeons and having a husband with some cash.


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