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Quite a few people have been talking about how the Green Bay Packers saved their season by coming back to beat the San Francisco 49ers on Monday night.

I’ve got some real news for you. If the Packers can’t throttle a team as injury-riddled as the 49ers, who are now starting C.J. Beathard at quarterback, they’re not worth a shit anyway.

The Packers are 3-2-1. Realistically, they should be 4-2, but whatever. What we’ve seen from this Packers’ unit thus far inspires this much confidence.

I hope you’re not waiting for any sort of confidence declaration. You’re not getting any.

But hell, let’s get on with it.

Outside Linebackers = Flaming Pile Of Garbage

Or maybe a tire fire. I’m not quite sure. Let’s start here.

Let’s look at Clay Matthews’ stats this year. He has 16 tackles and 1.5 sacks. His first full sack of the season came against the 49ers.

Congrats, bro.

The Packers outside rush has been a notorious piece of crap this year, however. I railed on Nick Perry after the game for doing jack shit. Some astute observer says, well, he knocked down three passes.

Yeah? You know what else he did?

Not a goddam thing! No tackles. No sacks.

Let’s look at Nick Perry’s stats. He has 19 tackles and… wait for it… 1.5 sacks this season!

Here you have two assholes making a combined $25 million annually. And through six games they have combined for three sacks.

But please, tell me more about passes batted down. Because that’s what pass rushers get overpaid for.

Oh, and let me just throw this in. PFF grades for Packers edge rushers:

  1. Reggie Gilbert: 62.5
  2. Kyler Fackrell: 62.3
  3. Nick Perry: 58.4
  4. Clay Matthews: 51.9

Chances the Packers re-sign Matthews after this season: 2 percent. Chances Perry’s deal, which runs through 2021, was a colossal shitdick move by Ted Thompson: 99 percent.

Here’s another telling statistic. Perry and Fackrell played the same number of snaps against San Francisco: 29. Was Perry injured? Hard to believe this is the case, but not to our knowledge.

Passing Me By

Yeah, I’m going to put this here again.

It was assumed that Kyle Shanahan was screwed without Jimmy Garoppolo. And then he walked into Lambeau Field and totally outcoached Gravy Head Mike McCarthy. How is this possible, you might wonder.

One of these guys has a quarterback named C.J. Beathard. The other one has a quarterback named Aaron Rodgers.

Some of you don’t like it when I refer to McCarthy as Gravy Head or Buffoon. Well, go fuck yourself. That Gravy Headed Buffoon, along with his defensive coordinator Mike Pettine, had no answer for what Kyle Shanahan brought to the table.

Take note of this. C.J. Beathard has eight career starts. Career record: 1-7. He has ten total touchdowns and 11 total interceptions.

Numbers against the Packers on Monday night?

Beathard was 16-of-23, threw for 245 yards, had a 10.7 average per pass, 2 TDs, 1 pick and a 115.3 rating. That rating is slightly less than 15 points higher than Rodgers’ rating on the night.

I briefly thought to myself, man, it’s going to suck if the Packers fire McCarthy because then Pettine is going to be gone too. Now, I give no shits.

The Packers need some fresh blood to scheme something that hasn’t been on the damn books for 20 years somewhere.

The Running Game Finally Has Its Day


To think.

To think Gravy Head would be able to comprehend running the football appropriately. At this point, Buffoon is just purposely doing the opposite of what he should to spite people. Last week, the local soda jerks were questioning McCarthy about the very obvious and appropriate thought that he should give Aaron Jones the ball more. You know, the guy who is picking up first-down yardage and more by just touching the ball twice. Jones is now averaging 5.9 yards per carry on the season.


It’s getting pointless to belabor this as we have week after week. There will be no stopping the Gravy Head Buffoon. Logic be damned!

But here are the important numbers.

Aaron Jones: eight runs, 41 yards. Jamaal Williams: six runs, 29 yards. Ty Montgomery: four runs, 12 yards.

Snap counts:

  1. Williams: 27
  2. Montgomery: 26
  3. Jones: 19

Gotta have something to do with pad level. We’re certain.

Davante Adams Is Becoming Elite

It’s weird to use the word elite to describe a guy we pretty recently called Dropvante. However, there’s really no other way to look at it.

Adams has put up huge games the past two weeks. Each with at least nine catches. Each with at least 132 yards. Through six games, Adams has 47 catches for 557 yards and six touchdowns.

Adams is sixth in the league in receiving yards, third in receptions and tied for first in touchdowns.

And it isn’t like Adams is doing it all himself either. The Packers had three 100-yard receivers on Sunday (Adams, Jimmy Graham and Marquez Valdes-Scantling) for the first time in 38 years and only the second time in franchise history. The only other such instance happened in 1980, when Eddie Lee Ivery, Paul Coffman and Aundra Thompson all surpassed 100 yards in a game against Tampa.

Obviously, though, with a team-high 16 targets and 10 catches on Monday, Aaron Rodgers is looking for Adams more so than anyone else.

Scoring Efficiency Or Lack Thereof

Hey, it was great that Mason Crosby got back on track. He made all four of his kicks a week after completely shitting the bed.

That’s swell.

What is not largely noted is this Packers team sucks at scoring touchdowns in the red zone. They currently have a 50 percent red zone efficiency rating. That has them tied for 21st in the league with — check out this murder’s row — Detroit, Buffalo and San Francisco.

And we’re talking about touchdowns in the red zone here. Not just kicking a damn field goal.

The Packers have largely sucked at scoring touchdowns when having the ball in the red zone all season. And that’s only part of the story. They have had plenty of opportunities with the ball on the opponents’ side of the field, as well. Mostly the same result.

Failure to get into the end zone.

There’s the telling indicator if you’re wondering if this team is legit or not.

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!



  1. PF4L October 16, 2018

    How’s it going otherwise?

  2. Kato October 16, 2018

    The red zone efficiency is largely due to poor playcalling. Is Mike McCarthy fired yet?

    1. Ferris October 16, 2018

      He is only fired in everyone’s dreams…. except Alfred E. Will there be a parade when he leaves?

  3. Kato October 16, 2018

    Oh, and btw, the rookie Bradley Chubb had 3 sacks week. As many as Perry and Matthews combined. Come to think of it, Fackrell had as many sacks in a game as those two combined as well. Let that sink in. We didnt need Mack though…

    1. Cheese October 16, 2018

      For the $25 million between Perry and Matthews, signing Mack would have been a discount.

    2. Deepsky October 18, 2018

      Well TJ Watt didn’t have a sack this week and Kevin King had a game winning interception.

      1. PF4L October 18, 2018

        Game winning?

        Gee…and here i thought driving down the field with no time outs from the 10 yard line had something to do with winning the game. Or maybe Crosby’s kick.

        So a first round pick finally made a play, wow. King made CJ Beathard look like, umm………………C J Beathard.

        1. Deepsky October 19, 2018

          True, but how many times has the defense giving up the game winning TD to the opponent in the last minute?

  4. Cheese October 16, 2018

    “Obviously, though, with a team-high 16 targets and 10 catches on Monday, Aaron Rodgers is looking for Adams more so than anyone else.”

    The only difference from before is Adams is finally catching the ball.

  5. Bob October 17, 2018

    How about clock management, the Packers had to burn two time outs to avoid delay of game. May have been three but I lost count. Come on man,you are in the Pros.

  6. Larry October 17, 2018

    The most frustrating part of it all is everyone EXCEPT McCarthy knows what makes this offense work. The first thing is Jones running the ball. He breaks off a huge run and next series he’s on the bench cause in McCarthy’s fucked up pea sized brain, the rotation is more important than gaining yds and winning games. Next is the up tempo offense. Worked pretty well in the 2nd half against the Bears. Mike McCarthy is an arrogant SOB and the sad part about that is he has done nothing as HC to warrant arrogance. The fixes are there, it’s just a very stupid HC cannot see them.

    1. PF4L October 17, 2018

      Good post Larry.

      Here’s my thinking on partly what makes McGravy tick. I think he’s loyal to his players (to a fault) he wants to disperse the touches. Although Williams is more assignment sure and ready than Jones is, Jones is clearly more dynamic and therefore should be getting more touches (starting or not). McTriple does NOT like change, remember years ago he had a run count he would fulfill regardless of the game situation? He didn’t change that thinking until it really cost the team bad. Now the problem is dispersement, and wanting everyone to get their touches. Same bullshit thinking, that is NOT how to play to game situations. You don’t base an ideology ( or gameplan) on being fair, you base it on how best to win football games. The problem with McMuffin, is he learns as he goes, but his learning process is painfully slow because of his rigid arrogance.

      Maybe this is unpopular, but i have to say, i don’t think McCarthy is what you would call “very stupid”. I think he’s intelligent….but….his personality quirks and rigid philosophies hold him and the team back. whether that would be the running game, not wanting to open up the offense like Rodgers wants. Who to play, that gives the team the best chance to win and progress as a team. When i say rigid, and that he doesn’t like change, he said he was redoing the playbook…from scratch. Well…….what’s changed so far?

      Some of the above points are why McCarthy isn’t a highly successful coach, he’s an average coach with a very above average QB. Him saying that he is highly successful has to be one of the dumbest things i ever heard him say. Can you imagine Bellichik saying that? Like i always have said, when you are great, you don’t tell people you are great…..people tell you.

      1. PF4L October 17, 2018

        One more random thought since i’m critiquing this whale.

        When you have highly paid players that don’t play or justify their contract. You bench them. You send a message to them and the team, perform or you sit (see Patriots). It might not be popular, but we’re playing for a Championship, not who is more popular.

        There are only two things that get a players attention, taking their cash, and the embarrassment of getting benched. But gee PF4L…..that player might get mad then…………GOOD, then he had a fire lit under his ass. This is the NFL. We need to get back to NFL (Not For Long). Instead of giving some guys passes after years of substandard play once they reach top pay levels.

      2. KazooPackFan October 17, 2018

        This is probably McCarthy’s most anti-Bellichick trait. This commitment to an over-riding goal of balance or # of touches or spreading the ball. Bellichick will get a specific player 25 touches in one game because that player is a significant matchup problem for the team they happen to be playing that week. Said player will look awesome. The next week, whole new opponent, whole new weakness, whole different plan. Said player gets 1/4 the plays and 1/10 the touches. Someone else is the matchup problem and lights it up. It amazes me in this copycat league McCarthy can’t see that.

    2. MM²SUCK October 18, 2018

      Good points Larry.

  7. Bob October 17, 2018

    You are right on point PF4L. I have thought the same thing for the last couple of years. They don’t give the team 100%, bench them or get rid of them.

  8. Dennis Dervetski October 17, 2018

    Say what you want, but the main responsibility of the head coach is to have players, coaches, and himself game ready. Watch every game this year and it’s very obvious we’re not ready. This has been too many years since 2010, hence MM is stale, will change, and has lost touch with the game. Do I’d he smart? No, smart people make corrections and change. Goodbye MM. The next five games will seal his fate.

  9. Deepsky October 18, 2018

    I just want to point out that Marquez Valdes Scantling is the real deal and it looks like St. Brown and Moore also have potential.