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Jay Cutler

Oh, Packers Should Sign Jay Culter, Eh?

Well, how about this? The Green Bay Packers should sign former Chicago Bears great, quarterback Jay Cutler?

CUTTY!

Ironic, since Jay Cutler is also a Green Bay Packers great, without ever having played for the team.

Anyway, that was the suggestion by former Bears coach Dave Wannstedt. And not in any sort of ironic fashion, it seems. Wannstedt appeared on the McNeil & Parkins Show on 670 The Score in Chicago on Friday. And let me just say, these are two guys with faces for radio, but get this…

“How can you have any confidence that Aaron Rodgers doesn’t play that the backup can come in and win for you,” Wannstedt said. “They should sign Jay Cutler. I’m serious. They have to have someone there in case something happens.”

Can you imagine CUTTY! in a Packers uniform? My head just might explode.

Hell, he could throw to Packers DBs everyday in practice! But then, using that reverse psychology, would be forced to throw to Packers receivers during the actual game! Because Jay Cutler just likes the green uniforms. As long as the Packers aren’t playing the Jets, everything should go according to plan.

Such a move would not be unprecedented. The Packers had The Punky QB, Jim McMahon backing up Brett Favre in 1995 and 1996. Got him a second ring for Christ sake. But I suppose fair enough for Charles Martin (greatest Packer ever).

Unfortunately, adding our main man CUTTY! is never going to happen.

Cutler is starring in his wife’s latest reality show. No idea what it’s called, but am told CUTTY! is the only entertaining part of it. This comes as zero surprise to me. CUTTY! is nothing if not top-quality entertainment.

After Cutler spent last season with the Dolphins, the wife was apparently like, “it’s my time.” And that means no more football for Cutler. Only reality shows from his untalented wife.

And if you’re going to sign Cutler, then why didn’t you just sign Colin Kaepernick last year? Brett Hundley was nothing short of dog shit. Do you think Kapernick couldn’t have given the Packers a couple more wins than Hundley? I do. But, ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! He brought attention to injustices against black people! We can’t have that in Green Bay!

There aren’t even any black people that live in Green Bay!

So, as ironically delicious as it would be if the Packers signed Jay Cutler, it’s never going to happen.

Mike McCarthy is going to want to stick with his guys. And those guys would be DeShone Kizer and Tim Boyle. Just like he stuck with Hundley in 2017. He’s a fat, gravy-headed buffoon and the only thing he can really comprehend is the deliciousness of gravy.

Of course, general manager Brian Gutekunst isn’t Ted Thompson. If Rodgers is down for an extended period, perhaps if he injures the knee worse, and Kizer doesn’t perform a move will be made. We doubt the Packers are going to run Boyle, an undrafted rookie free agent, out there and throw him to the wolves.

It’s all hypothetical for now, but CUTTY! on the Packers? Unfortunately, not happening.

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Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

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11 Comments

  1. Ferris September 15, 2018

    I’d rather see Kapernick…I never understood why they didn’t hang on to Vince Young…they just needed to pay his bad debts and boom. Doesn’t really matter though, Rodgers goes down and the McGravy boat goes with him.
    Speaking of gravy boats what ever happened to that wedding gift for Cutty?

  2. KILLER September 15, 2018

    This was deliciously funny and keenly insightful!

    Who are you and what have you done with the real Mordecai?

    It is an interesting hidden story line that Gute the Bad and MM basically gave up Demarius Randall for the alleged hypothetical upgrade of Kizer over Hundley. This is all a part of the typical MM “Gotta-have-me-a-scapegoat” program. As much as fans rightly call MM “gravy head”, just to be fair, it should be pointed out his favorite dish is actually fried scapegoat (in a curry sauce). This year it was a two for one with both Hundley and the QB coach gone as a two-headed Ettin scapegoat.

    We’ll see if Rodgers misses time — or, really, the next time he misses extended time — how much if any upgrade Kizer is. I actually think they paid for a downgrade. But if Hundley and the QB coach were really so bad and the Randall trade really so good… well, Kizer would have to be spectacular.

  3. Mitch Anthony September 15, 2018

    “And if you’re going to sign Cutler, then why didn’t you just sign Colin Kaepernick last year?”

    Just had to use this article to make this point. AGAIN.

    Because nobody needs the hair tree distraction SJW in a team sport. It ain’t about him. That’s why. Don’t worry. he’ll be fine. He’s still making more than a lot of us put together.

    1. Cheese September 16, 2018

      Exactly. “Sacrifice everything (millions of dollars to sit the bench), so you can make millions of dollars selling shoes.” It’s not like he’s being denied the ability to play football. Why doesn’t he go play for the CFL? Think of the statement that would make. He might even be good enough to start!

  4. PF4L September 16, 2018

    Before i watch any games today, i need some help understanding a new rule.

    It seems now, that if a defensive player tackles (sacks) a QB, it is now a roughing the passer penalty if that defensive player lands on that player with any weight from the tackler.

    COME AGAIN?

    Where i get confused is how a defensive player can become weightless when tackling another player. Now if……..some weight is allowed, how much weight is too much? Where is the line where it becomes a penalty. 30, 50, 80% ?

    Instead of a hard physical tackle, should the defender first, put the QB in a bear hug (not squeezing too hard), then explain to the QB that he is going to gently take him down to the ground?

    Then my final question would be….is this the end of the pussification of the NFL, or is there more to come?

    1. Kato September 16, 2018

      The rule is bullshit. It is a terrible decision.

    2. Howard September 16, 2018

      It leaves another judgement call to the refs and that creates much room for interpretation. It also makes it very hard on any defensive lineman with an AKA of bag O’ donuts of making a team.

      1. PF4L September 16, 2018

        I’m not as concerned about the interpretation as much as i’m concerned about the new rule to begin with. So, what’s next? Someone proposes to the rules committee the idea of QB’s wearing red Jerseys?

        I’m not worried about IF that happens, I’m worried about when it happens. That’s exactly where this is headed. And i’ll go one further, Rodgers is partly to blame, by his petty actions after the Barr hit, bringing so much needless attention to it.

        Side note: Tramon Williams just got schooled by Diggs for 6.

  5. Kato September 16, 2018

    Where is the mention of Davante Adams apparently being injured? If I were the packers I would be inquiring about Josh Gordon. If Adams misses significant time with an injury, they are fucked

    1. Ferris September 16, 2018

      Dez the savior is coming don’t worry. They can get him for the Earl Scheib discounted price of $49.99 per day. Plus a gold jewelry allowance of $100,000 per week.

      1. Kato September 16, 2018

        Lmao at the gold jewelry reference