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Mike McCarthy Is The Beast: Aaron Jones In, Deante Burton Out

The Green Bay Packers get running back Aaron Jones back from his two-game suspension this week. When they activate him, that would require a corresponding roster move. Someone would need to be cut. That guy was cornerback Deante Burton.

Burton was claimed off waivers from the Atlanta Falcons on September 4. He got five defensive snaps on the season.

And look, here’s where Pro Football Focus looks like a bunch of blathering idiots. Burton (63.7), in his five snaps, was graded higher than Davon House (30.0) — okay, that’s fine, that guy kinda sucks. But! This too: Kevin King (56.3 — fucking no!), Tramon Williams (61.6 — fucking no!) and Josh Jackson (63.1 — fucking no!).

Look, I love looking at their contradictory stats, but hell. On one hand that. On the other hand, this…

But let’s still believe Josh Jackson is worse than Deante Burton.

Frankly, we like to look at it, but the only way their shit works is over the course of a season. The whole season.

Otherwise, it’s a bunch of bullshit that goes week to week. And maybe not even that, Cris Collinsworth.

Nice investment.

But let’s get to the point here. Aaron Jones is back.

The guy that SHOULD be the Green Bay Packers lead back. But guess what?

You’ll surely be surprised…

“Jamaal (Williams) and Ty (Montgomery) have been playing good football. I understand what Aaron gives us, but his role will be secondary compared to Jamaal and Ty, they’ll be in the first slots,” McCarthy said.

So, Gravy Head, you’re going to make your best running back third-string?

Do you know, if Gravy Head had Bo Jackson… and I’m not talking about actual Bo Jackson, but Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson… or even, hell, actual Bo Jackson… Gravy Head would still manage to limit either one of those guys to five carries and no more than 50 yards.

Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson could average 50 yards per carry… and then actual Bo Jackson could go bash two home runs for the Royals and come back and Gravy Head would be like… “Meh, I think Eddie Lee Ivory and his broken knee or Brent Fumblewood with his straight-up running style, or maybe Pookie Workman and his pookie workmanship would be better than this. They’re good at pass blocking and, hell, you guys know I just pretend running the football is important, right guys?”

[Gravy Head looks around in the coaches meeting]


[More crickets]

Fat Mike: “I mean we don’t need explosive in the running game! We need explosive in my diarrhea! My wife may be worth more than me, but her food is shit! I need help! [cries] Listen guys, whichever of your wives brings me over a full boat of gravy… and maybe a little bit of mashed potatoes, but listen! Mostly gravy! I like turkey and brown gravy best! But other than gravy, and listen, turkey or brown, please, but I need reliable! I need reliable gravy sources and I need reliable running backs.

Ben Sirmans: “Well, coach, we have three of them, but Jones is the most explosive.”

Fat: “Williams can pick up the blitz! Makes my passing game look fantastic!”

Sirmans: “Yeah, but he sucks donkey dong running the ball. Really. I coached up a guy who is now a felon. He ran for a lot of yards. Jamaal Williams ain’t running for shit! Aaron Jones is your guy! Makes your passing offense that more explosive!”

Fat: “Where is my gravy! [gnaws at Sirmans neck like a zombie, trying to find gravy.]

McCarthy dumps Sirmans body on the ground. He looks up, thrusts his arms in the air and growls, blood running down his face.

“FUCK YOUR RUNNING GAME!” the beast yells, as spectators run.

Well, except for Ahman Green.

And Ryan Grant.

And Dorse The Horse.

And Edgar Bennett.

And China Food.

And John Brockington.

And Terdell Fucking Middleton.

And Jim Taylor.

And Paul Hornung.

And Tony Fucking Canadeo, who ran for 1,049 yards in 1949 in 12 games.

Gravy Head has a guy who can run for 1,000 yards in 12 games. Maybe even the 14 he has left.

But Gravy?


Is there anything there besides gravy?

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!



  1. ay hombre September 19, 2018


  2. MM²SUCK September 19, 2018

    The Buffoon has ALWAYS played favorites and he always will . . .

  3. Cheese September 19, 2018

    Jones has shown to be more explosive and have more YPC than both the other backs, yet he has to “earn” his spot and be and the 3rd string guy until…. whenever McDoubleChin says so. Sounds about right. Just like Dujuan Harris, the dude made bigger plays than the rest of the RB’s on the roster and McDubs rarely used him. Next thing you know he’s off the roster. WTF…

  4. V September 20, 2018

    Williams is our only pure three down back. Jones is a change of pace back who adds to passing on third downs, not blocking. We can afford to tinker and get Aaron killed with a line that’s so far underperforming. If our offense needs a jump start and Williams or Ty aren’t getting it done, then maybe roll with Jones as the starter but he’s still a smaller guy than both and right now with no Halfback on the roster we need to help in pass pro or we lose Rodgers for the whole year!

  5. PKR September 20, 2018

    McCarthy is so fucking dumb it boggles the mind. Results, processes, variables get spewed from his mouth instead of just put Aaron Jones in there you idiot.

  6. KILLER September 20, 2018

    Mordecai! You’ve come down from your psychedelics and depth charge drinking and are now trying to redeem yourself!

    I love these:

    “…maybe Pookie Workman and his pookie workmanship…”


    ” [gnaws at Sirmans neck like a zombie, trying to find gravy.]”

    You’ve done it, Mordecai! Ye are redeemed! Until the next time you huff gold paint in a plastic bag or whatever it is you do.

    1. Kato September 21, 2018

      I would argue having visions of a man eating another man’s neck is drug induced

  7. Kato September 21, 2018

    First off, this was one of the dumbest things I have ever read. I wrote better philosophy papers hammered drunk in college.

    Yeah, let’s put in a guy that has yet to prove himself capable in pass protection with a QB that has a knee brace on and is basically a statue. Grand plan.

    Also, stick to your “journalism” (used very loosely) and dont talk about stats. Anyone with half a brain wont put stock in the fact that whoever was released had a higher grade than the packers starting corners because this thing called sample size. 5 snaps obviously isnt a very large sample size

    1. moolla September 21, 2018

      A lot of just stupid things gets written here, this is just another.
      Getting upset over a rating system for a 5 snap sample size being “inaccurate”
      Getting upset over a rating system based on a twitter comment that mentions how two CBs covered one WR, okay, over how many snaps? how did they play vs other WRs? how did they play vs the run? etc etc
      Getting upset over the coach wanting to prioritize protecting the QB, his moneymaker with blocking RBs, as much as I might disagree with his decisions on RB play this is hardly something anyone sane person could get this upset about.
      Good thing I come to this site for the comments below the mostly rubbish articles, especially since Rob left.

      Why even take MM word,

  8. PF4L September 22, 2018

    Although i think Jones should get more touches, i’m not gonna fault McTriple for making his best blocking rb #1 on the depth chart with this 0 line and Rodgers recent injury history. Personally i don’t think that Williams is the best at blocking, but he’s head and shoulders above the other two.

  9. Don September 25, 2018

    McCarthy and a lot of people are using antiquated football strategy. Name one good team with a great RB that prioritizes pass blocking over play making from their RB. Le’veon Bell – Nope. David Johnson – Nope. Todd Gurley – Nope. Kareem Hunt – Nope. Saquon Barkley – Nope. Christian McCaffrey – Nope.
    Would you bench any of these guys if they were lacking in pass blocking ability? Nope.
    Running backs are for making plays. If you’re lucky enough to have a great one, you get him the ball as much as possible. Aaron Jones average 5.5 yards per carry last year. He averaged 7 ypc last week. If he doesn’t get at least 20 carries per game and 10 targets, then the head coach should be immediately replaced. Even Patriots would run more than they pass, if they had a guy like Jones.
    Terrible coaching.
    And if someone argues you have to protect the best QB in the league, especially since he’s gimpy, then you should try and educate them on the basics of modern football. The best way to slow down the pass rush (and I mean the entire pass rush) is a good running game. Keeping the RB in the backfield to pass block at most could pick up one pass rusher. If you have 4 or 5 guys pinning their ears back because they know you’re not running (and if you do they don’t care because your RB sucks), then your QB will get hurt. Also keeping the RB in the backfield for pass blocking eliminates him as a safety valve or reliable check down, which also puts the QB at more risk. Jones is the real deal and needs to get the ball if the Packers want to make the Super Bowl. Hell with dumb coaching, they may not even make the playoffs this year.
    A good coach would be playing Jones as much as possible. I get it, Montgomery is a good pass catcher, so you would use him on passing downs occasionally, but you need Jones in there to keep people honest on the run game. He’s a fantastic runner, and they have to make sure he’s not slashing past them before they can rush the passer. It’s pretty simple. I just think the GB coach is way way over-rated, and he’s probably not even rated that high by most people.