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Maaaan… Jamaal Williams Is Going To Be Starting RB

Yeah, Aaron Jones is the best running back the Green Bay Packers have, but he’ll be suspended the first two games for (gasp!) weed. Ty Montgomery is definitely the most dynamic running back the Packers have — a threat in the run or pass game. But what does Fat Mike care? Jamaal Williams will be starting at running back.

Thus, he will very likely get the bulk of the carries. And in a McCarthy offense, that means about 10 per game, which leaves about five to split between the other two guys.

“Hey, we’ve got three running backs who can probably really stretch the defense, wear them out, allow us to just to beat the opposition by multiple touchdowns… Naaaaaaah… fuck all that!”

That’s an actual quote from Fat Mike. Said in between drinking cups of gravy.

No, really. Obviously, Aaron Rodgers is your guy if you’re Fat Mike. But this gravy-gargling fuck always has some pronouncement about the running game. Usually, it’s something like, “This year we’re going to run the ball.”

Gravy Head knows nothing about running the ball and never will. So this year, Gravy Head is going with Jamaal Williams as his No. 1 back. That became apparent when the depth chart was released, in the first couple preseason games and now.

And just let me preface this gravy-brained quote by saying this.

  1. Gravy Ass has previously insisted he’s going running back by committee.
  2. Gravy Brain has been touting Ty Montgomery all offseason.

“(Williams) is really poised to have a big year,” McCarthy said. “Clearly without playing a game yet, I think we’ll be talking about him at the end of the season as a second-year player that’s made the jump.”

Awwwwww, shit! Jamaal Williams is making the jump!

So how did Gravy Fuck’s mouth not sync up with his brain prior to now?

Oh…. right. Because where the brain would normally be, there’s just fuckin’ gravy in Fat Mike.

Seriously, we wish no ill will to Jamaal Williams. We would love to see him go out and have a 1,000-yard season. However, he’s a straight-ahead kinda guy. A plodder. Something you might tie a plow behind.

Jones is a guy who can make some moves and break off a 60-yard run at any given time. Go to the house. Aaron Rodgers doesn’t get injured.

Montgomery is a dual threat. Matchup problem. Name a linebacker that can cover him?

Here’s an offense that has a chance to be dynamic as hell and Fat Mike is going with a horse that pulls a plow.

Williams must have a secret recipe for some sausage gravy.

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!



  1. V August 23, 2018

    First off, you have no Ahman Green type back and you don’t have my boy Kevin Barry lining up as an extra tackle in the U-71 formation to mow down the right side of the line to create any semblance of a dominant run game.

  2. cz August 24, 2018

    Gravy, as in,

    “We didn’t really need to score another TD, that one was just gravy?”


  3. PF4L August 24, 2018

    The reason i believe that Jamaal is the starting back, is the same reason as last year. He is the most complete back. You have to be able to block, especially in Green Bay. Williams isn’t the best blocking back in the league by any means, but have you seen the other two try to block?

  4. Chiller August 24, 2018

    This website is a pile of hot garbage and it starts with you, Mordecai. You suck

    1. Cheese August 24, 2018

      After having to stomach two of these in a row, I’d say it’s starting to get painful.

      Do we need to send out a missing persons report for Shawn and Rob?

  5. MJ August 24, 2018

    Off topic… but finally someone from the main nfl media puts McCarthy in question:
    Those guys have an aversion to criticize coaches or GMs unless they smell blood.