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What Is Wrong With Steve Keim … ‘s Face?

You’re forgiven if you don’t know who Steve Keim is. I didn’t know who he was until earlier today.

He’s the general manager of the Arizona Cardinals and I only know that because it was revealed he was arrested for a DUI on July 4, on Saturday.

What NFL general manager gets arrested for a DUI?

What’s wrong with this dude? Can’t afford an Uber?

Or here’s a better question. What’s wrong with Steve Keim’s face?

What is that thing?

He’s like a bulbous upside down root vegetable.

That’s a head that says, not only do I like to fucking party, but I like to headbutt people when I do!

Does Keim permanently have a chaw in both cheeks?

This dude will seriously knock your ass out with his cheeks. Maybe by just dropping his jaw down on your head. Then he’s going to gnaw on your face while making guttural animal-like sounds.

Sorry for your misfortune, Steve. The DUI is only temporary. Your other misfortune, well…

Here’s some more Keim face to enjoy.


Steve Keim face

Steve Keim will eat you

Steve Keim likes to party

Steve Keim's face will give you nightmares

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!



  1. PF4L July 8, 2018

    I suppose Steve Keim could have just become a “contributor” for a tiny sports website under a fake name with a Hollywood actors picture. Instead he decided to make a name for himself. His own name.

    1. Cheese July 8, 2018

      And his own face..

  2. WinterisHere July 8, 2018

    What is wrong with Mordi’s brain, the world may never know…

  3. Skinny July 9, 2018

    If Uncle Fester were modernized his name would be Steve Keim.

  4. JB July 26, 2018

    Does it make you feel like more of a man to write this kind of stuff? What is the purpose of making a personal attack on this guys physical features? You should be working on yourself (and your obvious insecurities that cause you to rip others apart) instead of writing random crap like this that is nothing but hurtful. Get a life, dude!