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2018 NFL Draft

Packers’ Seventh-Round Picks Are Seventh-Round Picks

A lot of people like to point out that the Green Bay Packers once drafted Donald Driver in the seventh round. That’s swell. I like to point out the hundreds of other seventh-round picks who haven’t made it in the league, didn’t even make the opening-day roster, etc.

That isn’t to say you can’t find a player in the seventh-round. It is to say the odds are against it.

But I’ll tell you what. Are you ready to get excited?!

The Green Bay Packers have one seventh-round pick who is going to make the roster in 2018.

Gutes: What do you think about loading up on special teams in this year’s draft?

Russ: Sounds phenomenal! We can pay great special teams players way less than we can pay, you know, just great regular football players.

Gutes: Then I would say we should probably use at least seven of our 12 picks on special teamers.

Russ: Man, I don’t know. How about just two? We still need other players.

Gutes: Deal! But I am drafting three receivers with those other picks.

[Ball looks at list of salaries on the roster]

Ball: Perfect. Already planning on how we can save a buck or two later on this year by cutting some of these jerks.

Gutes: As long as Alfred can announce record profits again! Can’t wait to walk out there in July, buddy!

[Jumping high five]

Yeah, kidding, of course!

Who gives a shit about guys drafted in the seventh round?

The Packers had three such picks and here’s what they did.

James Looney, the first seventh-round selection, is a 6’3″ 287-pound defensive end from Cal. In other words, he’s a defensive end in a 4-3 defense. As you know, the Packers play a 3-4. It’s possible Looney could be moved to outside linebacker, as the Packers have a tradition of doing with college defensive ends. However, Looney is heavier than their traditional outside backers.

For example, Clay Matthews is listed at 255. Nick Perry is listed at 265.

So, we’ll just move on.

The Packers second seventh-round pick is where they really struck gold. Here’s the guy that’s making the damn roster!

He is, wait for it… Mississippi State long snapper Hunter Bradley.

Still, to this day, I cannot understand why guys who play center and snap the ball for their living cannot snap it back to a goddam kicker or punter. You need a roster spot for a guy who can do that one thing because the guy who is actually the guy who mainly does that thing just somehow cannot get the ball a few yards further.

Anyway, what the hell can we say about a college long snapper?

Nothing.

We can say the Packers have been trying to replace Brett Goode as their frickin’ long snapper for years now. Thankfully, this very important problem has finally been solved. Like drafting a punter, who may be very good, to replace the very good punter the Packers already have, this will totally take the team to another level.

Go back to Arkansas, mullet boy! You’re done!

Uncle Ted couldn’t replace you as much as he tried, but Gutes McGoots has gotten it done!

And finally, the edge rusher we all wanted and the Packers needed — Kendall Donnerson, from Southeast Missouri State.

Actually, I will not yet discount this guy. Small-school prospect who produced with 53 tackles, 13.5 for loss, six sacks, an interception, three pass breakups and three forced fumbles in 2017.

A developmental player, but that’s not to say Donnerson can’t make the roster. Kyler Fackrell is on it. Or has been.

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Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

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6 Comments

  1. Cheesemaker April 28, 2018

    It felt like they were letting Ted make today’s picks. You know, for old times sake.

    That last pick looks like the defensive Jeff Janis. Crazy athlete that no one heard of before the Pack picked him.

    1. Skinny April 28, 2018

      Yeah no shit. I have no idea what the fuck happened after round 2 because no way in hell Gute was involved after that.

    2. Icebowl April 29, 2018

      Saw TT was in the war room in a quick shot in NFL Network….
      Coulda been a Fathead….

  2. r.duke April 28, 2018

    The meatpackers will be playing plenty of 4-3 this year w/ Pettine. Fuck the 2-4-5 prevent a three and out defense from mac and cheese. Elephant or a hand-in -ground force with that speed cannot be wasted like Gilbert and really, Perry. I’m pulling for this guy and the Long Snapper.

  3. Icebowl April 29, 2018

    Did anyone see this ?

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2772957-mike-freemans-nfl-draft-notebook-aaron-rodgers-is-winning-the-draft?utm_source=cnn.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=editorial

    Had to check the date – Sounds like something written last time they stocked up on DBs in the draft – 2 years ago

  4. Skinny April 29, 2018

    Didn’t like it all after round 2. Its all “maybe has a shot” guys. And i still would bring in Dez over these 4.6 forty WRs we drafted. Jesus Christ! Goddamitt!