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And Here’s Bizarro Jordy Nelson

Straight from Bizarro World, AKA Oakland, we get our first glimpse of Bizarro Jordy Nelson.

While the Green Bay Packers begin their offseason program next week, the Oakland Raiders get to start their program this week. That’s because the Raiders have a new coach in Jon Gruden, AKA Chucky.

What do I expect from Gruden and the Raiders this season? Not much.

Gruden seems stuck in the early 2000s, which was actually the last time he was a good coach.

What do we expect of Bizarro Jordy Nelson? Well, Derek Carr is certainly an upgrade over Brett Hundley. Of course, who isn’t?

Like most people who pay attention to these things, I do think Nelson has lost a step. I also don’t think he’s as bad as the 400-odd receiving yards he had in 2017. To me, that was more of a product of Hundley sucking.

I could see Nelson putting up 800 yards and six to eight scores in 2018. And he had better produce somewhere near that level. The Raiders released Michael Crabtree to acquire Nelson. While Nelson is more accomplished, Crabtree is two years younger. Someone — likely Gruden — is going to look awfully stupid if Nelson’s decline is steep and Crabtree produces in Baltimore.

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Joseph Bonham

Joseph is a fiction writer when he isn't doing this. In his spare time he likes to do manly things like drink beer and procreate.

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7 Comments

  1. PF4L April 9, 2018

    I’d have rather seen him with Bree’s, i don’t get all the hype about Derek Carr.

    I know it’s water under the bridge, but any NFL GM that wouldn’t have kept Rodgers and Jordy together for 4 or 5 mill/year is a moron. It’s that simple. Had they stop producing, i’d maybe sing a different tune. But that’s all they did…produce.

    Funny how long Driver got to hang around, after years of decline. Pay Perry a Kings ransom, pay Cobb regardless of years of decline. Tell Sitton to get lost, let Lang leave, Not even try to resign Jordy for lower. The Packers hate white players.

    1. Dennis Dervetski April 11, 2018

      The Packers made a big mistake letting Jordy go. Sitton, Lang, Hyde…..

  2. Empacador April 9, 2018

    Crabtree is a diva and certainly no Jordy Nelson. Plus he will have who, Flacco tossing him the ball? I’ll stick with Jordy thanks.

  3. Tony April 10, 2018

    Most of you were screaming for change.
    Well you got it.
    I’m kind of wondering if Aaron is rethinking his future in Green Bay?
    Loses his QB coach, his favorite wr, and his favorite TE.
    He does get to work with an aging overpaid Te/Wr hybred.
    He will probably end up in Cleveland after Mike gets fired and takes over there in 2019.

  4. Savage57 April 10, 2018

    Still too soon, you heartless bastards.

    1. Dennis Dervetski April 11, 2018

      I agree with you. Jordy will be missed greatly.

  5. FatelOne April 10, 2018

    Someone needs a life. You wrote this whole little crappy piace to throw shade on Nelson and the Raiders. Stick to fiction’ oh wait you did.