Minnesota Vikings Reportedly Players for Kirk Cousins

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Kirk Cousins

The Minnesota Vikings managed to win an Aaron Rodgers-less NFC North and earn a first-round playoff bye with Case Keenum at quarterback in 2017. Their defense is just that good. Then, of course, they shit the bed in epic fashion in the playoffs like they always do, have done and will forever do.

So the Stinkings currently sit with a three-headed monster at quarterback — Keenum, Sam Bradford and Ted Butthole. It appears either none of them or one as a second option will be back with the Vikings.

That’s right. The Stinkings are apparently going to make a run at the best quarterback on the free agent market, Kirk Cousins.

As mentioned, they’ll have some competition. The Broncos, Jets, Cardinals and Browns are all quarterback-needy.

However, if the Queens land Cousins, they may have finally put together a team that can beat the Packers on a regular basis. Cousins has thrown for more than 4,000 yards in each of the last three seasons. He did so last season when his No. 1 receiver was supposedly Terrelle frickin’ Pryor.

In Minnesota, Cousins would actually have some weapons. In addition to a top-three defense on the other side, he’d have receivers Stefon Diggs and Adam Thielen to throw to. He’d also have former 1,000-yard rusher Latavius Murray and former first-round pick Dalvin Cook coming out of the backfield.

That has to be intriguing.

On the other hand, desperate teams usually win out in free agency. They do so by throwing more money than reasonably possible at players. There are rumors that Cousins’ next contract will be for $30 million per season. The Stinkings can afford that. They have more than $49 million in cap space available. That’s after paying their draft picks.

Cousins would make the Vikings scary.

That said, the Jets have $73 million in cap space. They’re desperate. They’re totally winning this one.


About The Author

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

16 Comments on "Minnesota Vikings Reportedly Players for Kirk Cousins"

  1. PF4L

    The queens are so entertaining…Watching them each season is like reading a book titled ” How can we fuck up this season?”

    The good news is Cousins won’t cost the queens a #1 draft pick, the good Lord knows they’ve pissed away plenty of those.

    Nope, they just have to back up the Brinks truck…..I hope they sign him, so i can watch the yearly collapse.

  2. DR Higgs

    The NFL brings people together even fans from opposing teams I always go for the north if my team doesn’t make the playoffs or they are,eliminated which happens every time they have reached them since they lost to the Raiders in superbowl 1977 you are harsh on. The vikings representing the North maybe you will adjust your attitude and pull for them when they represent our division after all it is just football and with so much hate in the world today the north teams need to support the other in the playoffs cause our division has the least superbowl wins in the NFC winter is coming

    • PF4L

      ^^What a team’s fan says after his team looked impotent in a NFCCG. Can’t we just get along?

      It’s just football stop the hate spring is coming

  3. Big B

    If Vikings break the bank for Cousins they will own us for the next couple of years, then recede as young upcoming stars won’t all fit under the cap. Spielman has kicked TT’s ass in player acquisition the last couple of years. We’re gonna be feelin’ it now. Dark days ahead.

    • PF4L

      LOL….Here’s a secret…..just about everyone has kicked TT’s ass in player acquisition.

      Nobody has owned us while Rodgers is QB.

  4. Ferris

    If he is worth $30M per year why didn’t the Native Americans sign him for $15M per year 3 years ago? They could have. I live in proximity to DC and he has put up passing yards…but they don’t win and at every critical moment he make the critical mistake. He’s better than RG3andout ever was but they are still dumping him for Alex Smith..is that really an upgrade? He doesn’t win either. Sign him Vikings…he’ll throw the backbreaking pick. Like this one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UUeqvquXZI

  5. Kato

    Where is lonely boy at? I am guessing still feverishly masturbating to Kirk Cousins highlights in in Dante Culpepper jersey.

    • PF4L

      He’s dealing with the 5 stages of grief, he’s currently still battling the first stage.

      It’s a process.

  6. cz

    Ferris is correct when he says about Cousins, “at every critical moment he make the critical mistake”.

    For that reason, he would not be an upgrade from Keenum. He is a downgrade for that reason.

    I also agree that Alex Smith was not much of an upgrade from Cousins.

    As a Packer fan, I would prefer Cousins would sign for one of our opponents. Them getting Cousins would ensure the Packers woud continue to dominate the North, by keeping the next Deshaun Watson off their rosters.

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