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Brace for Impact: Patriots vs. Vikings Inevitable

Was euch das Innre stört, dürft ihr nicht leiden.
That which disturbs your soul, you must not suffer

— Johnann Wolfgang von Goethe

Green Bay Packers fans around Wisconsin, the country and indeed the globe doubtlessly just saw what happened in Minneapolis yesterday. So there is no need to rehash that.

Because of that one broken play, it is now effectively a foregone conclusion that there will be a Vikings-Patriots Super Bowl. Brace for impact: for the worst nightmare scenario imaginable.

The Philadelphia Eagles are not beating the Minnesota Vikings without Carson Wentz. They were after all underdogs against the Atlanta Falcons at home. And the Jacksonville Jaguars rolled a flawed, badly-coached Pittsburgh Steelers team, as this game further places Mike Tomlin’s coaching prowess in question as just some guy who rode the coattails of Bill Cowher. They will have no such luck against the Patriots in New England.

This scenario presents a true dilemma. One should never want to see the Vikings win, ever. But I hate the Patriots about as much as the Vikings. And it does not help that with a sixth Super Bowl title under the same quarterback and coach, the Patriots will be out of reach of the Packers ever catching up. Even if Aaron Rodgers wins two more Super Bowls, which now seems less than probable, that will be half as many as Tom Brady.

And in case there is any confusion on the matter, my hatred for the Minnesota Vikings burns as bright as it burns true. I hate the Vikings, Vikings fans, and if you are a Vikings fan or want the Vikings to win a Super Bowl championship, I hate you, too. With every fiber of my being, to my last breath on this planet.

Many find the story about 99-year-old Millie Wall attending her first Vikings playoff game endearing. Right-thinking Packers fans should only find this endearing if the Vikings lost, and if in absolutely heart-breaking fashion, the better. A hatred for the Vikings so strong it turns your heart against little old ladies: this is the proper standard by which all Packers fans should abide precisely because they are the enemy. We do not want to see her team win a Super Bowl, as we hope they go another 50 years without a championship, and another 100 years after that.

To understand why, just think Randy Moss on Monday Night Football, or the “mooning,” or what all went down from 2008-10. Or that scumbag owner Zygi Wilf.

But now absent a miracle, that is now a probability — either that or Tom Brady and the Patriots win a record sixth Super Bowl championship. One can almost hear the sycophant announcers and analysts pontificating with gushing praise, replete with a slobbering sort of lisp faintly reminiscent of Sylvester the Cat.

The best strategy is not to watch at all. Forsake the rest of the NFL postseason, to minimize the degree to which this ugly reality is part of your reality. It worked for this author in the Patriots-Seahawks Super Bowl, and it will now, more or less.

For indeed, “That which disturbs your soul, you must not suffer.”

And for much of the time whatever nasty, odious result comes to fruition really will not affect you.

E. Wolf

Just a Packers fan and native Seattleite left stranded in New York City, and apparently suffering from post traumatic stress disorder from the near disaster in New Orleans in January of 2010. Bleeds Green and Gold through and through. Listens to indie and hardcore industrial and aggrotech music, and thus would much rather hear Headhunter by Front 242 or Front Line Assembly's "Mindphaser" than "Celebrate" or "I Gotta Feeling" in the fourth quarter, or any time.



  1. Deepsky January 15, 2018

    I used to wonder if the NFL and MLB rigged their playoff systems so that teams with new stadiums got to the playoffs and Super Bowl/World Series easier. That broken play by the Saints did nothing to diminish those thoughts.

    Watching Case Keening getting away with throwing up wounded ducks makes me think if the Vikings do go to the Super Bowl against the Patriots, it would be over by the half time show. Leave it to Vikings to have gotten there based on a weak division, backup QBs and fluke plays only to get demolished and have their Super Bowl loss record extended.

    1. Cheese January 16, 2018

      I love how people are talking about that winning touchdown like it was one of the greatest plays in playoff history. Diggs was completely uncontested. Williams missed the tackle like an idiot and let Diggs walk into the endzone. There was no amazing pinpoint accurate pass, or valiant effort on the WR to get past defenders. There was no challenge at all. Just a missed tackle and a touchdown. Was it expected? No. Was it a great play on the part of the Vikings? No. It was great for Vikings fans because they were gift wrapped a trip to the NFCCG, but that’s about it.

      1. PF4L January 17, 2018

        They had a couple gifts, that play, and Rodgers collarbone.

        Here’s the thing, it’s just going to make the queens fall, that much harder….lol. Somehow, someway, like i posted during the season, they’ll find a way to fuck this up.

        If hell freezes over and the queens end up play the Patriots in the Super Bowl, i will then seriously entertain putting 5 large or a grand on the Patriots, even though i said i wouldn’t bet again this season.

    2. icebowl January 16, 2018

      Awful fear I’m gonna have to root for Belechiks Bums if this happens…

  2. Big Gay Clay January 16, 2018

    Falcons go to Superbowl last year and open new 1.5 billion stadium this year (very expensive tickets). I do believe this is a ploy by the NFL though. If Minnesota goes then imagine how much their fans will drive up the Superbowl tickets. See the national championship game when UGA fans paid about 5x the tickets value.

    1. Big Gay Clay January 16, 2018

      Also look a few years ago when the Vikings were eliminated by Seahawks in the playoffs due to a shanked 20 yard field goal. NFL knows that no one gives a fuck about the Vikings and would have rather had better rating with the Seahawks playing the following week. Not to mention the kicker is now on Seattle’s team now.

  3. Ferris January 16, 2018

    The only fitting end to this story is a Viking loss in the Super Bowl. If that is what Packers fans want you need to be a Patriot fan for one game. That could be the last nail in a few of their fans.
    But I am now at the point of not caring, if Minnesota wins…. they win. I did just throw up in my mouth a little saying that though. But they have found a way this year with that Defense. Who in GB wouldn’t take Zimmer over McTubO’Shit? I know I would.
    However the NFC championship game does have the 2 most title starved NFC teams ever. Which fan base is more nervous of the collapse? Philadelphia will be fixing every advantage in that stadium. Heater power outages, frozen hard ground ice on the Vikings sidelines. D cell battery throwing. Don’t wear purple in there, you’ll have beer dumped on you and get your ass kicked by those psychos.

    1. Cheese January 16, 2018

      If the Vikings make it to the Super Bowl the NFL has said they get to use their home locker room at the Chili dome, despite the NFC being the away team. If the Eagles make it they would have to use the away locker room. How the fuck is that not an unfair advantage?

  4. icebowl January 16, 2018

    Gut getroffen Herr Wolf…

  5. Will Wire V January 16, 2018

    If this scenario comes to pass then Go patriots all the way. I’ll admit I’m sick of rooting for them in the super bowl, like really sick of it, but the alternatives have always been rooting for the team that beat the packers (Seahawks, falcons) and I’m not about to change that this year. The Vikings just used up their one miracle of the season, so let’s hope the eagles get theirs this week. Jags vs Eagles would be a far less entertaining game, but I’d rather watch that than Vikings vs Pats. Or Vikings vs anyone for that matter.

  6. PF4L January 16, 2018

    An Edward Wolf article, always entertaining…..

  7. PF4L January 16, 2018

    So…rare, but i actually read the whole article.

    I got done, and i”m thinking, so what’s your point. What am i taking away from this?

    Here’s what i got…..

    Wolf’s hateful obsessions know’s no end. The problem is, i think all those negative feelings hurt you more than the subject that hate is directed at. i know Moss’s fake mooning wasn’t respectful and i know there were hurt feelings 8 years ago about Favre. Me…i thoroughly enjoyed watching that interception and then the 2010 season, but that’s just me. This is all kind of above my pay grade, but that’s one take away.

    The other takeaway is you are suggesting to other Packer fans to not watch anymore of the post season, that way their feelings won’t be hurt. I’m watching….sorry pal.

    Lastly…..”A hatred for the Vikings so strong it turns your heart against little old ladies: this is the proper standard by which all Packers fans should abide precisely because they are the enemy. ” – Wolf

    Listen Wolf….crazy doesn’t live here. Keep your opinion’s yours, and don’t try to tell other Packer fans what is the proper “standard” for other Packer fans to abide to.

    But otherwise my friend, an excellent article.

    1. Ferris January 17, 2018

      Right…2 more games to win, everyone hates the Vikings so much they are all convinced they are winning. They tried to give away the Divisional game but New Orleans gave it away better.
      Of course for pure entertainment for all Green Bay fans it would be funny if there was YET ANOTHER NFC Championship game heartbreaking defeat. After lucky play euphoria, the depths of depression would be satisfying.

    2. icebowl January 17, 2018

      PF, gotta give the old man credit for trying to instill culture on this site…

      Guaranteed you’ve never (and eill never again ) see a piece on TP.com start w a quote by Goethe – in the original German to top it off…

      Only to be outdone by Perhaps a Schiller quote…. can’t wait.

      Time to stop being a hater, E.

  8. JASON January 16, 2018

    The NFL is rigged like a mother. All this talk from the media about the queens playing a superbowl at home, from the beginning i had my suspicions. Mentioning the game on sunday they showed roger godell talking with that old bat before the bullshit catch and missed tackle. I can only assume that he told that old bag not to die in the bleachers because the vikings were going to win the game. I will not be surprised if those shitheads make it

    1. icebowl January 17, 2018

      That ^^^^
      “Old bat” – LMFAO – thought the same thing when the cameras zoomed in…

  9. KILLER January 18, 2018

    Packers class and crazy both on full display both in the article and in the comments section. Or, to be exact, their dearth in the hearts of Packers backers.

    For E. Wolf: The mooning was high humor and brought on by Packers fans who do that for real to the visiting team when they arrive outside the stadium. You eagerly condemn in others what you guys do for real and for what you guys started. That is why Tony Dungy, a very classy guy, said eh thought it was funny and justice. Moss was fined but, due to a funny comment on how he would pay the fine (“Straight cash, homey!”) he went on to make a ton of money from it. And became even more legendary!

    Zygi has been a great owner of the Vikes. I’ll show you a scummy owner. The owner(s) of the Packers! Does not get much scummier than that fan base (see their comments above).

    Deepsky: “Wounded ducks”? Did you see that perfect pass to Diggs? You are right that the Packers have weakened the North division this year but keep in mind they lost the last few games on purpose – Cheating tankers! They had a tough schedule, tougher than the Packers, beat the Falcons in Atlanta, beat GB twice, beat Detroit in Detroit, beat the Saints twice, beat the Rams.

    Cheese: The pass by Keenum was pinpoint accurate. The protection by the line was textbook. The catch was perfect. The awareness by Diggs was phenomenal. Everyone, including me, was yelling “Get out of bounds!” But he knew he could not go for the sidelines and get a TD. Off the charts in-the-moment awareness. It was a great play, one of the greatest of all time. No Packer play comes close. Regular season can’t compete with play offs. Lead changed hands like 4 times in the last 2 minutes I think. That is not “gift-wrapped”. That is hard fought.

    Big Gay Clay / Jason: Crawl back into your conspiracy holes. The Vikes are not benefiting from any NFL/referee possible conspiracy. If there is one they are overcoming it so far.

    So funny how anti-Vikings Aikman was all game – too many examples to go through them all – and then was stunned petulantly silent when the Vikings won. Hilarious.

    1. PF4L January 19, 2018

      Whoa, whoa whoa….just hold it a fucking second. Why wasn’t my comment called out. I use to get in a lot of scrums on this site, but i’m starting to feel shaded lately. I have class…..i have crazy….wtf?