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Mike Pettine Really Hates the Cleveland Browns

And what’s not to hate? The Cleveland Browns are the NFL’s biggest embarrassment. Green Bay Packers’ defensive coordinator Mike Pettine knows. He coached them for two seasons and they almost broke the man.

Pettine went 10-22 with the Browns, which is markedly better than current head coach Hue Jackson’s 1-31 record over the same time period.

Pettine didn’t coach in any official capacity the past two years and made it known when he showed up in Green Bay, he had no desire to be a head coach again.

“I came out of it and I was just beat up physically, mentally,” Pettine said.

It gets better… or worse, if you’re Pettine.

“It took awhile before I could smell smells and see colors.”


Must be all that brown. And all that shit.

Let’s look at the model of stability the Browns have been.

They hire Mike Holmgren, The Walrus, to run the team in 2010. He brings in coach Pat Schurmur — newly-hired coach of the Giants — in 2011. In 2012, team owner and possible criminal Jimmy Haslam buys the team. He cans both Holmgren and Schurmer. In comes Michael Lombardi as GM. He lasts one year. Lombardi’s coach, Rob Chudzinski, is also given the ax after a single season. Ray Farmer takes over for 2014 and 2015 — he hires Pettine as coach. They’re both out. In comes attorney Sashi Brown to run the show. He hires Hue Jackson, who wins one game in two seasons, but keeps his job. Meanwhile, Brown is out before the 2017 season even ends. And finally, that brings us to John Dorsey, a name you should all be familiar with.

How’s that for some dysfunction?

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!



  1. Kato January 26, 2018

    Mordecai with his amazing journalism once again. At what point did Pettine say he hated Cleveland? Weird how I finished reading the article, didn’t see anywhere where Pettine said he hated the browns and instantly knew it was Mordecai’s work

  2. Case Keenum is my bitch January 26, 2018

    Total TMZ Packers, we love bullshit. Seriously, we eat are own shit! OH YEAH MUTHA(*&*()&*)(&*)!!! PUT SOME OF THAT IN MY MOUTH!! MMM, MMM BITCH!!