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Aaron Rodgers (Gay) and Danica Patrick Are Confirmed

Mordecai Jones by Mordecai Jones
January 15, 2018
in Uncategorized
28

That sly bastard. Our main man, bearded or otherwise, is officially dating Danica Patrick.

She has confirmed it after the two were spotted out at a restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona.

“Yes, Aaron and I are dating,” she said.

Supposedly. Looks a hell of a lot like Catch in West Hollywood, speaking from someone who’s been there. And Rodgers has been there plenty of times, too.

He lives in West Hollywood in the offseason. Us locals call that Boy’s Town, because most everyone is gay, but I’m setting this up too soon.

Rodgers and Patrick… i.e. fucking and/or you are the perfect beard to cover up my gayness, which I do not want to announce.

As we have said before, this is all getting too convenient.

Is Aaron Rodgers the proverbial bachelor, the Joe Namath of his day? Or do fairly-attractive women agree to be in relationships with him for personal gain? And yes, fuck it, we have it on good authority that Aaron Rodgers is gay.

We could also give two flying fucks.

It matters not. If you have a problem with who someone else fucks, then you are not happy in your own life. Clean that up before passing judgment.

The signs cannot be denied, however. Olivia Munn — we know her to have dated up, meaning that her boyfriends amazingly became higher-profile at the same time her career burgeoned. But the former before the latter. This broad used to choke down hotdogs on some gamer show. Does that network even exist anymore?

Couldn’t tell you. I’ve never been aware of it.

So, Danica Patrick. Let’s look at this. Going to retire after a — I guess — somewhat-long racing career. Sorry, I don’t really know — I know it’s not Richard Petty-long, but I don’t watch that redneck shit. She was out there for some years. A pioneer, some would say.

But she never won shit.

Conveniently, she has recently announced her retirement. She’ll drive in a couple major races and then done. Also conveniently, she needs to promote a book. I forget the name, but I’m sure you can find it online. She’s mostly noted, career-wise, for posing in sexy outfits in magazines … but wait … who does that remind me of?

Oh, shit! Olivia Munn!

Hmmmmm…

Danica Patrick is from Illinois, a life-long Chicago Bears’ fan. But no more. While first suggesting that she’s always been a QB1 fan and cheered for him individually, she has reversed her allegiance.

“I am probably going to cheer for the whole team,” she said. “Take out the word ‘probably.’ Now I’m going to cheer for the whole team.”

You need better media advisors, Danica.

Here’s something that would have been better.

“Even though I was a Chicago Bears fan, I just couldn’t help myself but become a Green Bay Packers fan because of Aaron Rodgers. The way he plays, the tradition, the… uh… other stuff.”

Jesus, I screwed a 20-year-old stripper last night. She made better conversation than that.

This is a ruse.

Aaron Rodgers is gay. Danica Patrick is a beard and in this for her own gain. TMZ cameramen don’t get to just show up in a crowded dining room and take pictures.

Some of you are going to have to come to terms with that, but it will be better for all of us.

Tags: Aaron RodgersDanica PatrickFeaturedGreen Bay PackersWAGs
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Comments 28

  1. Avatar for PF4L PF4L says:
    6 years ago

    YEEEEE-HAWWWWW!

    Monty’s bitch, and our favorite little bottom boy, finally got one right. Confirmed!…BITCHES!!! lol

  2. Avatar for Robert Robert says:
    6 years ago

    Looking like you’re jealous

  3. Avatar for Kato Kato says:
    6 years ago

    Absolutely captivating journalism from Mordecai. I am floored

  4. Avatar for PF4L PF4L says:
    6 years ago

    At least she got a part time job. I mean, being a beard is a job isn’t it? Like a paying job? Maybe now people will start to know who she is and someday maybe……..she’ll even become rich and famous, you never know…dream big honey!!!

    Maybe instead of being a sports stars beard for a few bucks and get her picture in a magazine. If she really wanted to get rich and famous, why doesn’t she just do her own thing like racing cars or something? Then she could be famous all around the world, make tens and tens and tens of millions of dollars, and who knows…. maybe even do a couple of commercials?

    But no….this bitch is doing it the easy way, being a beard.

    Good get Monty.

  5. Avatar for TyKo Steamboat TyKo Steamboat says:
    6 years ago

    Why don’t these guys date regular women? celebrities & race car drivers? WTF?

    & she’s 35. She hit the wall years ago. AR is 34 & dating a 35 y.o. ???? For real?

    I’m 34 & my current woman is a 21 y.o. hottie from Kherson, Ukraine. So it appears I’m doing a whole lot better than QB1. Hmmm go figure

    Seriously, though. I can’t understand why male celebs, musicians & athletes date women their own age & also in the same businesses. It literally never works & won’t work later in life…

    The whole point to avoiding marriage in your late 20’s & early 30’s is so that you can date these 18-23 y.o. hotties. Cause i certainly recall being age 18-23 & watching girls my age date older men. I was pissed & had to bang cougars when i was age 21. I mean, it was cool, but you flip the 180 at about age 29…

    this is a real head scratcher… more-so than Tomlin & Peytons’ coaching on Sunday…

    Men age like wine, women age like milk. Oh my, how the tables turn after you turn 29.

    • Avatar for Savage57 Savage57 says:
      6 years ago

      Careful. You just might wake up some morning broke and short a kidney, courtesy of your 21 year-old Ukranian hottie and her crew.

      • Avatar for MM²SUCK MM²SUCK says:
        6 years ago

        That is definitely possible . . .

        • Avatar for PF4L PF4L says:
          6 years ago

          If you are 18-23, and you can’t date women your age, it’s not because all the chics your age are dating older men….lol

          Sorry dude.

          • Avatar for TyKo Steamboat TyKo Steamboat says:
            6 years ago

            Well, dude. Those are the only broads I date now… so there’s that, dude.

    • Avatar for JD JD says:
      6 years ago

      Right, why isn’t he dating a 21-25 year old beauty. I met my wife 30 years ago she was 21, I was 35, she’s a civil engineer originally from northern Thailand. Lloyd Cole wrote the song “Grace”.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPoesgV1BoQ

    • Avatar for Captain Obvious Captain Obvious says:
      5 years ago

      Because he’s fucking gay lol no head scratching needed, look up his former “assistant” you dumb fuck

  6. Avatar for Skinny Skinny says:
    6 years ago

    Mordecai, you just fucked yourself. Oh my god you are sooooo screwed. Rodgers is going to kick your ass so hard for this one. RIP Mordecai

  7. Avatar for Cheese Cheese says:
    6 years ago

    “And yes, fuck it, we have it on good authority that Aaron Rodgers is gay. We could also give two flying fucks.”

    If you could give two flying fucks then why do you mention it in every article you post?

  8. Avatar for charlie stevens charlie stevens says:
    6 years ago

    what is the difference between
    not giving a f,
    not giving 2 f,
    and not giving 2 flying f?

    • Avatar for MM²SUCK MM²SUCK says:
      6 years ago

      Just confused and varied nomenclature’s

      • Avatar for PF4L PF4L says:
        6 years ago

        Wtf dude…like you really think anyone here knows what that word means?

        If someone does, congratulations, here’s a cookie.

        • Avatar for MM²SUCK MM²SUCK says:
          6 years ago

          PF4L, what is it with you and your propensity to besmirch anyone with a good thought process, or a penchant for words? Are you that bored down in your Mom’s basement? You need the cookie . . . Go back to your Jim Crow shit (something that makes you feel manly), and leave me the fuck out of your inadequacies rationale . . . Lol!

          • Avatar for PF4L PF4L says:
            6 years ago

            Wtf dude…like you really think anyone here knows what that word means?

            If someone does, congratulations, here’s a cookie.

      • Avatar for charlie stevens charlie stevens says:
        6 years ago

        Thanks for nomenclature.
        It’s the reason I like this site.

        But giving 2 f instead of one, esp a flying one — adds further emphasis, righ?

        So while it is nomenclature, is it also enunciation of the locution?

        Whatever it is. Good stuff. Keep it coming, and thanks! :)

        • Avatar for MM²SUCK MM²SUCK says:
          6 years ago

          Thanks! Yep, sometimes the word(s) need that extra bit of pizzazz, think “Hank” in Californication when he say’s “Motherfucker!” Words are fun ;)

  9. Avatar for BOIWTFISTHIS BOIWTFISTHIS says:
    6 years ago

    “we have it on good authority that Aaron Rodgers is gay”

    tweets from his old assistant doesn’t count.

    Also, TMZ gets tips from people who have pics and deets on celebs. Come on, you’re so LA, you should know how this works.

    • Avatar for Monty McMahon Monty McMahon says:
      6 years ago

      Not tweets from his old assistant, dipshit. Unlike you, we actually know people. Deal with it.

      • Avatar for PF4L PF4L says:
        6 years ago

        So, if you have it on good authority that Rodgers is gay. Why do you guys insist on constantly obsessing and hammering him on it? It never stops with you guys.

        If Rodgers is gay, bisexual, or whatever, who gives a fuck? Your boy writes that we are going to have to come to terms with that. Gee, when is this website going to come to terms with it? I’m not sure where it ends with that rock head you have writing for you, when is enough, enough? 100 articles, 200? 3 years? 8 years? Does Rodgers owe you fucks an explanation or something? And until you get one, you’ll keep obsessing over him?

        Tell bottom boy to write a decent football article for once in his pathetic life.

      • Avatar for BOIWTFISTHIS BOIWTFISTHIS says:
        6 years ago

        “Not tweets from his old assistant, dipshit. Unlike you, we actually know people. Deal with it.”

        bitter Bears fans who live in Green Bay doesn’t count.

      • Avatar for BOIWTFISTHIS BOIWTFISTHIS says:
        6 years ago

        I mean do you have actual dick reports or just the whispers of some losers who

        • Avatar for BOIWTFISTHIS BOIWTFISTHIS says:
          6 years ago

          like to start shit.

  10. Avatar for Bobby D Bobby D says:
    6 years ago

    The old white cadaver got boned in the ass more than Stormy Fucking Daniels! How come your good authority didn’t surface sooner relative to that douchebag’s sexual preferences? Maybe he would have exited the building before he buried this team in the pile of shit it’s surrounded by now.
    And by the way, fuck you Mordeacai, this is about football. Seems as though you have a different dick sucking issue of your own. If you’re so preoccupied, get yourself a place in W Hollywood and look up Kevin Spacey

  11. Avatar for Case Keenum is my bitch Case Keenum is my bitch says:
    6 years ago

    What won’t Total TMZ Packers fuck in the ass to make a dollar?

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