Yes, Martellus Bennett Is a Total Bag of Shit

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Martellus Bennett drops it

Let’s recount a series of events.

Aaron Rodgers gets injured. He’ll be out for a while, if not the entire season.

Green Bay Packers tight end Martellus Bennett discovers a mysterious shoulder injury. Bennett doesn’t play against the Detroit Lions, the game before last. Seeking other opinions they said.

That must be a serious injury, if he’s seeking other opinions, we said.

The Packers waive Martellus Bennett for failure to disclose an injury, bringing to an end the tenure of the worst Packers’ free agent signing ever in my memory, save Joe Johnson.

Bennett is claimed by the New England Patriots, the team he played for last year.

He is on their practice field on Friday.

Miraculously, he plays football on Sunday!

HOLY SHIT, MY INJURED SHOULDER IS SUDDENLY HEALED!

Here’s what he had to say about his unbelievable recovery.

“It’s like, ‘I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you says bounces off me and sticks it back to you,’ ” Bennett said. “At this point, it’s nothing else anyone can say to me in my career that could make me feel any way toward myself.”

I got two things here.

  1. First, you’re not rubber. You’re a gigantic turd. You’re lifeless and without emotion. You’re not a man. You just lay there in the toilet. You’ve been flushed down.
  2. The reason for the piece of shit analogy is because you are one. Quit on your team? Quit on your teammates? Quit on your locker room?

Here’s your legacy.

A motherfucking cunt.

Take that Super Bowl ring the Patriots gifted you and shove it up your ass.


About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

11 Comments on "Yes, Martellus Bennett Is a Total Bag of Shit"

  1. Jschizl

    He blocked me when I posted when the going gets hard quit. When you need a leader quit. Take the money and run. On Instagram. Joe Johnson was still worse. Green Bay will get their money back

  2. Ferris

    Good character signing Ted. Jared Cook looks pretty good now. Not that it matters this year. At least Teddy cut him, kind of like an admission of a mistake. Now onto the next loss…I hope. McCarthy is Mr. Noodle without Rodgers, but the Bears still suck so bad they can’t beat this injured, horribly coached team at home after a bye. Fox is the worst coach in the league then, McCarthy is 31st. McCarthy is Jeff Fisher…no explanation why he hangs around…now look at the Rams.

  3. PF4L

    We talked about the obvious things. He can’t play here, he can play there though. He elected to have surgery, apparently now he elected not to have surgery, etc,etc,etc…..

    What are we really looking at here?

    1) He tells his agent to tell teams not to claim him on waivers, because he’s hurt and he’s retiring.

    2) Shazam!!….The Patriots call, he’s all in baby!!

    3) If this doesn’t reek of tampering, i don’t know what does.

    The Packers look weak because of this and i think it’s high time Ted get’s in front of the media and shows some backbone.

    As i said earlier, i wasn’t going to pound Ted hard on this, even though i could.

    But fuck, stop being a fucking pussy and represent the Packers.

    If a reporter did surprise Ted and find his hiding spot and was asked about Bennett. I know exactly what big Ted would say “we don’t talk about players that aren’t on this team.”

    When is enough enough with this clown?

    This team is broken, i give no fuck if they beat a 3 win bear team. Big fucking deal.

  4. MMTTDCSUCK

    What happened with Bennett is just one more glaring example of the total ineptness of this team to do anything that exhibits sound behavior and forward thinking. Simple buffoonery on an epic level. 1265 (Or whoever hired Mark Murphy) needs to purge all involved NOW! This will give this franchise a number of extra months to right this ship. What a joke . . .

    • MJ

      To an extent they are doing something to set an example, going after his bonus. It would be a pain in the eyes to see him play for other team but paid by the Packers. If we recoup the bonus, at least the Pats will have to dish out some dollars, and not having us subsidize their roster.

      • PF4L

        In NFL money…..The Patriots are paying him a happy meal and a bag of chips. In essence, the Green Bay Packers are paying Marci Bennett, to catch passes from Brady.

        How fucked up is that..Murphy?…..Ted?…..Aaron?…..Anyone?

        • icebowl

          IMO : ….. in essence we, the fans (i.e ticket holders) and the team (salary cap) are paying ….
          Collusion at it’s ugliest – this is one of many reasons I despise Belicheat and his band of pond scum ….

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