Let’s recount a series of events.
Aaron Rodgers gets injured. He’ll be out for a while, if not the entire season.
Green Bay Packers tight end Martellus Bennett discovers a mysterious shoulder injury. Bennett doesn’t play against the Detroit Lions, the game before last. Seeking other opinions they said.
That must be a serious injury, if he’s seeking other opinions, we said.
The Packers waive Martellus Bennett for failure to disclose an injury, bringing to an end the tenure of the worst Packers’ free agent signing ever in my memory, save Joe Johnson.
Bennett is claimed by the New England Patriots, the team he played for last year.
He is on their practice field on Friday.
Miraculously, he plays football on Sunday!
HOLY SHIT, MY INJURED SHOULDER IS SUDDENLY HEALED!
Here’s what he had to say about his unbelievable recovery.
“It’s like, ‘I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you says bounces off me and sticks it back to you,’ ” Bennett said. “At this point, it’s nothing else anyone can say to me in my career that could make me feel any way toward myself.”
I got two things here.
- First, you’re not rubber. You’re a gigantic turd. You’re lifeless and without emotion. You’re not a man. You just lay there in the toilet. You’ve been flushed down.
- The reason for the piece of shit analogy is because you are one. Quit on your team? Quit on your teammates? Quit on your locker room?
Here’s your legacy.
A motherfucking cunt.
Take that Super Bowl ring the Patriots gifted you and shove it up your ass.