It’s been a long day. It’s been a long two days. I made the mistake of traveling to the butthole of the world to watch the Green Bay Packers face the Minnesota Vikings on Sunday. It clearly did not go well.
As I was walking into the Hormel Chili Dome by myself, I thought, shit, I hope there are at least a couple Packers fans in my general vicinity or I’m getting shivved by some chili-stained, Hamm’s-swilling toothless trailer-dweller in a wife beater. Of course, I forgot to realize that my ticket was far too expensive for the typical Vikings fan. I was literally in a row filled with Packers fans and right behind me was another row filled with Packers fans.
If you ever go to the Hormel Chili Dome, just buy good seats and you probably won’t see any Vikings fans. Their McDonald’s salaries precludes such luxuries.
As for the game, I and we are tired about talking about Aaron Rodgers’ injury. So let’s finally get on to some other stuff.
Ummmm… Josh Jones?
It isn’t as if the Packers’ defense played well on Sunday. They were already shorthanded without Morgan Burnett, Davon House and Kevin King in the secondary. The guy we thought could make an impact was rookie safety Josh Jones. And yet, every time I looked over to the sideline when the Packers were on defense, Jones was standing there. He ended up playing 30 snaps — I must have been getting drinks during all 30 of those. Jones has played a decreasing number of snaps in each week — 51, 38, 30 — since playing 61 against Cincinnati and essentially dominating that game defensively. I would like someone, perhaps Fat Mike, Gravy Head to give us an explanation for what’s going on with Jones. Has he not fellated Fat Mike the proper amount yet? What would the proper amount be, Gravy Head?
The Running Game is Whack
I didn’t mind that the Packers ran Ty Montgomery out there with the No. 1 offense. However, I assumed that was just for show because Montgomery is the veteran. Aaron Jones should be the guy and yet, the two players essentially split carries. Jones ran 13 times for 41 yards. Montgomery ran 10 times for 28. As you can quickly surmise, neither of those averages are any good. And certainly, the Packers were playing from behind and behind one of the biggest pieces of crap offensive lines to probably ever line up together in the NFL. However, neither guy could get any rhythm going. And for whatever reason, Montgomery can ONLY run up the middle and Jones can ONLY run around the end. Is Fat Mike that uncreative in the running game? If you insist on not letting one guy get going, how about mixing up the plays called for them? I bet that would help your backup quarterback.
Blake Martinez, Kenny Clark and… Meh!
I will say this. The one guy on the Packers’ defense who has impressed me more than anyone is second-year inside linebacker Blake Martinez. Again led the Packers in tackles with 11. Had two for a loss and also knocked down a pass. I really can’t say enough about what I’ve seen from Martinez so far this year. Another second-year player making an impact is 2016 first-round pick Kenny Clark. Six tackles and 1.5 of those for loss. The thing that you notice about both guys is they’re active and they play with some emotion. Meanwhile, once again, Mike Daniels a no-show. Ha Ha Clinton-Dix a joke. Nick Perry, non-existent. The Packers had not a single sack on the day. Martinez gets an A, Clark gets a B+. Everyone else on the Packers’ defense, a D at best.
Take the Training Wheels Off
Yes, I am fully aware that Brett Hundley was primarily running scout team offense during practice last week. That said, the guy has been in the system for three years, as Fat Mike, Gravy Head so astutely pointed out on Monday. He must know the offense. And yet the Packers seemed to be running preseason dink-and-dunk crap with Hundley like he was a rookie on Sunday. Granted, he had less than a second to throw on most plays because of the absolute suckitude of the offensive line, but I am certain there are plays in a playbook as thick as the Packers’ to accommodate for such an instance. There were too many instances where Hundley would act like he was running a read option and just hand the ball off to the running back. Meanwhile, if he would have kept it and went around end, he’s probably running like Colin Kaepernick running over and through the Packers back in the day. Maybe Hundley was too tentative. Maybe McCarthy was. I’m not sure which, but take the damn training wheels off. This isn’t Trent Dilfer playing with the 2000 Ravens’ defense. The Packers need more than a game manager. They need a guy who can win a game. If we’re going to go down, let’s at least go down swinging and not like a bunch of pussies.
Not Writing It Off
Let’s get down to brass tacks here. The Packers were looking like the best team in the NFC with Aaron Rodgers, despite their still craptacular secondary. I’ll give you this. The Packers are no longer a Super Bowl favorite. They’re really not even in the conversation. But let’s see what Brett Hundley can do. We all know he’s playing for his future. That’s usually when guys play their best football, isn’t it? The Bears suck. The Vikings aren’t scaring anyone. The Lions might now be the best team in the division, but they just got frickin’ rolled by the Saints. I see the division potentially as exactly the same as 2013, when Rodgers last broke his collarbone — a cluster right until the end. I think the Packers will be there. I think they have as good a chance as anyone, especially if they can get healthy after the bye.
EN 
ES 
DE
Monty was spot on with just about everything in this post. Couldn’t agree more with the mysterious declining presence of Josh Jones on the field, especially at a time when this defense could use him the most. Maybe Dom Capers is falling asleep up there in the coaches box. Did anyone see it when the FOX camera crew showed him yawning upstairs during the Dallas game? Maybe the Packers need to hire an intern to make the occasional Starbucks run for the ole’ hairpiece during these games.
Cannot for the life of me understand why we needed to see Montgomery out there with the protective gear for the injured ribs and all, especially after the kind of game Aaron Jones had against Dallas. Makes no fucking sense, but we all know how it goes as far as who runs this team. Big Mike is just as stubborn as Ted the Terrible when it comes time for the need to at least temporarily (if not permanently) stray away from a pet project, such as converting Montgomery from WR to RB. You can probably look forward to continuing to see #88 at the top of the depth chart at RB until each and every one of his ribs is completely shattered.
Only thing I wish Monty might have commented on (since he was in attendance at the Hormel Chili Dome) is how fucking annoying the constant sound of that Viking horn being piped over the loudspeakers must be when you’re there in person. I’m all for fans having fun with things like the firing of the cannons in Tampa, the train horn at Stanford games, and of course the Lambeau leap, but these all occur after a team actually scores a touchdown. Are queens fans so hungry for anything to celebrate, that they have to hear the obnoxious artificial sound of that Viking horn after every damned time they get a first down or make a tackle on defense?
BAAAAAAAAAAARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Less than a second to throw the ball is right. 1 Missis…sack.
Agreed. One second might have definitely been an overestimate for most of the game.