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We Almost Got Another Year of Neck Beard

In the pantheon of great Chicago Bears quarterbacks — and believe me, that list goes on to infinity — there are two players head and shoulders above the rest. Of course, you know that Jay Cutler — CUTTY! — is No. 1.

A very close second is Kyle Orton, AKA Neck Beard.

Neck Beard hasn’t played in the NFL since 2014, but no matter. The Miami Dolphins still considered bringing him in to replace the injured Ryan Tannehill.

Personally, I think they should bring in Neck Beard anyway. That way, all the Chicagoans in God’s Waiting Room would feel all warm inside and familiar with the local football club while they’re hanging around waiting to pass on into the sweet hereafter.

Plus, can you imagine the greatness of that QB depth chart?

No. 1…

ref knocks Jay Cutler's helmet off

No. 2…

Kyle Orton celebrating

Oh, sorry, Neck Beard doesn’t actually have the neck beard there. But lordy, that’s a sweet fucking stache, bro!

Bowm, chicca, wah, wah…

You want some Neck Beard? Hell yeah, you do!

Kyle Orton: Neck Beard

Just think of the glory we were almost witness to…

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Empacador August 7, 2017

    Say what you will about Orton, but he was successful against the Packers his entire career.

    1. Savage57 August 7, 2017

      Except for that game with the Broncos where he got blowed up 49-23. And the game with the Bears where he was on the short end of a 37-3 trip to the woodshed.

      Other than that he was successful against the Packers his entire career.

      1. Empacador August 7, 2017

        His record vs. the Packers over his entire career is like 5-2. I never said he was undefeated. Orton was a pain in the ass that owned the Packers the way Favre owned Chicago over his entire career. Better?