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Oh, Shit, the ESPYs Happened and Aaron Rodgers Won

I’ll tell you what. As with most awards shows, we could give a shit about the ESPYs. I literally mean no shits — no one here even knew they happened.

I’m still not sure when they happened? Wednesday? Thursday? Noshitsday?

Anyway, great success for Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers. He cleaned up!

Best play of the year for this dime.

I’m not arguing, although that award was voted on by fans, so of course the Packers were going to win.

You could put a John Kuhn one-yard TD run in that category and watch what happens.

But anyway, yes, it was a great play and I just went and stole this image from that website owned by the team. They will probably fire up the legal department and send us a cease and desist for this.

But until that arrives, we just wanted to point this out. It’s funny that they don’t even credit their own photographer on the actual image, but I am going to assume it was taken by Evan Siegle.

Aaron Rodgers and Jared Cook

We’re only posting this because look at the shear joy on that guy’s face! Jared Cook had never been to the playoffs before last season. He had, in fact, never played with a quarterback worth a shit before last season. And then, in his first playoff year, he makes the catch on the play AR drew up in the dirt, that led to the win.

Although he’s now elsewhere, we wish nothing ill toward Jared Cook. In fact, we thought he was going be back this year, but it wasn’t in the cards. We hope he gets plenty of playoff wins with the Oakland Raiders, just not a Super Bowl win over the Packers.

So there’s our formal farewell to Jared Cook, a guy who was pretty likable.

And here’s the rest of this story. Sorry to digress for something that’s actually important…

AR won best NFL player as well. Hey, guess what?

Also voted on by fans.

We should really get Johnny Kuhn into that mix, huh?

Was Aaron Rodgers and not NFL MVP Matt Ryan or Super Bowl winning food delivery-service man Tom Brady not better? I would and we have made the argument for the NFL leader in TD passes.

No one guy is more important to his team’s success than AR. On one hand, that’s a failure of the organization to surround him with players that he can take to a championship. On the other hand — Matt Ryan… ha! Best player in the world plays for the Packers.

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!



  1. GBORNBRED July 14, 2017

    I’ve never watched one second of the ESPYS in any given year, and I imagine it’s just as boring and dragged out as the Emmys, Oscars, Grammys, etc. Make no mistake about it…There is a reason that the ESPYS are held during the MLB all-star break. Other than that MLB exhibition all-star game where the “Everyone gets a chance to play” rule similar to Little League is in full effect, there’s been no live sports on TV since Sunday, and I’ve been jonesing like a meth addict in rehab.

    1. Savage57 July 15, 2017

      Ever hear of the ‘Search’ function on your remote control and a DVR, Einstein? Try it, you might cut down on what you’re spending on tampons.

      Some people never experience a shortage of reasons to piss and moan.

      1. Empacador July 15, 2017

        Come on man, Midget Tossing isn’t really a sport. World Crocheting Championships? WSoP anyone?

        1. Cheese July 16, 2017

          Sometimes ESPN has the world championships of rock paper scissor

  2. Cheese July 14, 2017

    “AR won best NFL player as well. Hey, guess what? Also voted on by fans. We should really get Johnny Kuhn into that mix, huh?”

    You do know John Kuhn doesn’t play for the Packers, right? Do you even follow the team or are you just here to post about Olivia Munn?

  3. Bonarro July 15, 2017

    I’m just here so I don’t get fined.

    1. Kato July 15, 2017

      So glad he is back in the league this year. Looking forward to more quotes from him.