Teddy Bridgewater is Back, Already Seeing Ghosts

June 9, 2017

If you’ve watched any NFL programming this week, then you’ve heard all about quarterback Teddy Bridgewater returning to the Midwest’s puss-filled pimple, the Minnesota Vikings. Old Ted Butthole is not back in full — he’s not going to be out there taking hits in training camp. However, he is back doing more than anyone thought less than a year after mangling his knee.

And that’s cause for…

I don’t really know. After Butthole injured himself, the Vikings laughably went out and coughed up a couple draft picks (including a first) for Sam Bradford. He promptly led them to an 8-8 record, the exact record we predicted when they made the trade.

And so, if you’re a Green Bay Packers fan who revels in Minnesota Vikings misery and ineptness, who do you want out there for the Queens?

B-Rad has some tools, but has compiled a truly sterling 32-45-1 career record. He’s never thrown for more than 21 touchdowns in a season. Oh, and he’s on his third team in seven years.

Butthole really doesn’t do anything well, although he does have a winning career record (thanks AP!). His career high in touchdowns is 14, he has a career rating of 87.0 and his career best in yards is a hair over 3,200.

Who is less elite among the Vikings’ stockpile of crappy quarterbacks? You can go ahead and debate that one.

Maybe they could bring back Tarvaris Jackson and throw him in the mix?

I’ll take Butthole, though.

The dude is already seeing ghosts.

You probably can't see him in this photo but I do….I'm talking about God. Our conversations stay lit. pic.twitter.com/Uapcv1F2Xb

— Teddy Bridgewater (@teddyb_h2o) June 7, 2017