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No One Is Impressed With Detroit Lions’ New Uniforms

The Detroit Lions — one of those teams that has to resort to gimmickry to create excitement — unveiled some new uniforms on Thursday.

New boss, same as the old boss, essentially.

What you’re seeing there, from left to right, are the Lions’ new home, away and throwback uniforms. Not really a drastic departure from their previous uniforms and, frankly, for good reason.

Despite the fact that the Detroit Lions are a perennial laughingstock, the whipping boys of the Green Bay Packers and so forth, the Leos are a historic franchise. They’ve been in existence since 1930 and they’ve been in Detroit since 1934. Believe it or not, they actually own four NFL championships.

Point being, like the Green Bay Packers, the Lions haven’t tinkered much with their look throughout their history. Until recently…

The Lions had essentially the same logo from 1970 to 2008. In 2009, they added an eye and some other white marks to the lion logo. Not a dramatic change, but a noticeable one.

Same with these uniforms, because… excitement!

When you haven’t won a title since 1957, you’ve got to do something. Like when the Lions suddenly decided they needed cheerleaders, last year.

This is definitely something. Look guys, we did SOMETHING!

Anyway, Packers safety Ha Ha Clinton-Dix was not impressed with this grand unveiling.

I wonder if he thought that way when he played at Alabama. I feel like that team wins games just by walking on the field sometimes, so those uniforms mean everything.

Regardless, I found it equally amusing that Kyle Van Noy chimed in.

Van Noy was drafted by the Lions in the second round of the 2014 draft. He was traded to the New England Patriots prior to the 2016 season for a sixth-round pick. Van Noy now has one more Super Bowl championship than the Lions have in their history.

That’s so Detroit Lions, isn’t it?

So, to review, the Detroit Lions are still a joke, regardless of what they do. Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, in a rare state of awareness, knows this. Former players, who are grateful to be out of Detroit, feel the same way.

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!