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Damarious Randall Has a Cryptic Message For You

Maybe it’s not cryptic at all. Maybe it’s just the type of thing bored-ass athletes post in the offseason.

We probably wouldn’t pay any attention, except this bored-ass athlete — Green Bay Packers cornerback Damarious Randall — is coming off a downright terrible season. That wouldn’t matter if he were, say, Demetri Goodson. Then we’d just expect a terrible season. But this guy was supposed to build on his solid rookie campaign. He was supposed to be the Packers’ No. 1 corner after Sam Shields went down.

Instead, he and his mates torpedoed the damn season through complete and utter suckitude.

How much can you suck?

Not as much as the Green Bay Packers’ secondary did in 2016!

Go ahead and ask Alexa that. That’s what she’ll tell you.

So, anyway…

Everybody gon say something I'd be worried if they said nothing…

A post shared by Damarious Randall (@randalltime) on

Everybody gon say something
I’d be worried if they said nothing…

I just learned those are some Kanye West lyrics. Why did I just learn that?

Because fuck Kanye West!

In the particular verse of this song Randall is referencing Kanye talks about fucking a chick with a bleached asshole and getting bleach on his t-shirt.

Wow. That’s some next-level lyricism!

So this post is a photo of Randall at the Senior Bowl. I don’t know, is that the last time you were any good?

Randall shouldn’t we worried about whether he’s being talked about (he is), he should be worried about why people are talking about him (he sucks) and what he can do to change the narrative (relearn how to play).

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!



  1. PF4L February 14, 2017

    Listen up people, and listen good……

    Its not Randall’s fault, it”s not the secondary’s fault, and it’s not the defenses fault, and it’s not ted Thompson’s fault the Packers can’t get to the Super Bowl.

    It’s Aaron Rodgers fault, he’s simply not good enough…clearly stated by our own football insiders, Kato, MJ, and Hombre.

    Don’t fall into the trap, of foolishly thinking this is a team game. It’s clearly Rodgers fault and i thank those three for showing me the light and sharing their wisdom.

    Maybe Kato was right…we should have traded Rodgers, and started Hundley. Maybe we’d be Super Bowl Champions right now.

    1. MJ February 14, 2017

      Ah, come on… don’t get offended by a little criticism of Rodgers… who is mostly the perfect QB!
      Do you get mad if we say Rodgers is not clutch? You mad, bro’? You like that?

      After picking up his game, Rodgers was part of the solution, not the problem. This defense was basically THE problem. And the team expects heroic levels from Rodgers at times, which is not very reasonable. But the team has put itself in a situation requiring extremely clutch performances by Rodgers, and he didn’t. Like getting inspired and trying to surmount the ton of points the defense was conceding. He got the ball back after each Falcons’ score, right?

      1. PF4L February 15, 2017

        Right, Rodgers did get the ball back after each score the Falcons had on the defense. Now listen, maybe try to learn……

        Yes, the Falcons linebackers were coming in free on blitzes and instead of looking for a receiver, Rodgers should have blocked those rushes. But nooooo….he foolishly was trying to play QB.

        Remember the 1st half? Remember Rodgers being sacked, hit and hurried on 16 of his 1st 20 dropbacks? Remember any of that? Did you even watch the 1st half?……….Yes, he did get the ball back after each Falcons score. He got the ball back to get mauled by Atlanta’s front 7. But why let the truth, facts, and reality cloud the discussion.

        You say…..” the team has put itself in a situation requiring extremely clutch performances by Rodgers.”

        Is that something fucking new you’re telling me? Gee, thanks for enlightening me Gomer…lmao… Isn’t that the way it’s been for the last 6 years?

        J C….I swear i’m losing brain cells trying to educate some of you. The old saying is very very true. You can’t fix stupid.

        Holy shit.

        1. PF4L February 15, 2017

          Under your fucked up logic…..It’s Rodgers fault the Packers didn’t win the 2011 Super Bowl.

          Despite the fact he won MVP, Had the highest passer rating in NFL history, had the #1 scoring offense, despite having a defense ranked last in the NFL and still having a 15-1 record. Despite all of that, Rodgers is a failure because he couldn’t overcome all his team’s inefficiencies all by himself.

          It’s Rodgers fault…why?….Because according to MJ, Rodgers still gets the ball back every time the defense gives up a score.

          Pure Brilliance.

    2. Kato February 15, 2017

      Jesus Christ dude. I never said he wasn’t good enough. I said he hasn’t always been good enough, particularly in bigger games. You cite the pass to Cook in the NFC divisional game. I cite the 2014 NFC championship as a whole. Again, putting words in my mouth and parlaying them into phrases that I never said.

      Get a fucking life dude. How many hours a day do you spend on this website? You talk about knowing about packers football pre-Favre, so you must have children, a wife? No? Maybe you should look into fishing, working out, bookers maybe?

      1. PF4L February 15, 2017

        You sound upset…Are you ok little man?

        1. PF4L February 15, 2017

          If you must know, i’m here “working”. Getting paid.

          What’s your story little man?

  2. PF4L February 14, 2017

    02/14/2017 at 11:27 am

    “Say, if only our QB played better in the 2014 NFC championship game, we may have two trophies.”

    1. PF4L February 14, 2017

      Ummmmmm…yeeeeeaaaaaaa…Gee Kato….OR, maybe we’d have 5 trophies?

      1. Kato February 15, 2017

        Dude. You are delusional.

        1. PF4L February 15, 2017

          If you say so Sparky.

  3. Squeezy February 14, 2017

    Dear Damarious,
    I will speak in clear English for your benefit.

    Your play resembled steaming dog shit, do a better job ass clown.

  4. Howard February 14, 2017

    Well Randall should be worried because he is usually so far away from the receiver he is covering or trying to tackle that he can’t possibly hear the receiver talking shit about Randall’s poor coverage and half hearted attempts to make a tackle.

    1. MJ February 14, 2017

      Yeah, a friend of mine said that Randall was playing so badly, that when his WR got the ball, he was so far away, so other guy had to make the tackle.

    2. PF4L February 15, 2017

      It’s not Randall’s fault damn it….When are we going to realize that you can’t blame 52 other players for bad performance.

      *When all the blame is only on the QB because he isn’t “clutch”, for not being able to overcome all those players bad performance and win the game anyway.

      *Things i learned reading MJ’s post.

      1. MJ February 15, 2017

        PF4L, you get pissed off like a little kid. And worse, you linearly extrapolate what is said to make it, in your world, sound ridiculous. The wicker Man fallacy, anyone? But I won’t say anything else this time. You seem to have a lot of homework, answering every effin post by Kato, ay hombre, and recently mine too. The big difference I find in our perspectives is that for you Rodgers is sitting right next to god, and for the rest of us he is a heck of a player many times asked to cover up for the team’s deficiencies elsewhere. But still a human, that is not and does not have to be perfect.

        1. PF4L February 15, 2017

          That’s fine, i’m sorry that you have the reasoning skills and football knowledge of a child, no matter how many $20 words you wanna use.

          I’ve said many times, if any of you don’t like my post, fine….then don’t read them. Quit responding, grow up.

          But for Christ sake, quit whining about it like a child.

          1. MJ February 16, 2017

            You still mad, bro’?

  5. Tucson Packer February 15, 2017

    Randall went to ASU. He is probably still concerned about the amount of STD tests that he has to take, and their not so clear answers, as a result. Hopefully he can get Barkley’s digits for an assist.

    Bear Down

  6. Kato February 15, 2017

    Things I have learned from PF4L:

    It takes a team effort for the packers to lose when Rodgers plays poorly, but when the packers win, it’s only Rodgers, and the packers brain trust is riding his coattails again.

    Alao, apparenl

    1. PF4L February 15, 2017

      The above ending is where Kato’s “hooked on phonics” cassette tape was eaten.