We would all love to be confident about the Green Bay Packers at this point.
Perhaps the most confidence we can derive from this group right now is they’re playing the Atlanta Falcons. And what have the Atlanta Falcons ever won?
Nothing. They’re the Minnesota Vikings of the south, which is, in a way, worse. Because they’re from the south, the armpit of America.
Minus Charleston, New Orleans and Savannah, of course. We can keep those places, but go ahead wipe the rest of it off the map and I wouldn’t care.
Anyway, the Packers.
If their defense was worth even a single shit, we might not be worried about losing each and every week. After all, Aaron Rodgers and the offense are next to unstoppable.
Yet, the turds who occupy positions on the field for the Packers’ defense always seem to make it interesting, regardless of whether the offense is putting up 30, 33, 35, 4o. It just doesn’t matter.
The problem there is, yes, of course the secondary is a giant heap of garbage (with the exception of LaDarius Gunter). But more so, the problem is the supposed playmakers — the supposed studs — on this defense are really just overpaid sacks of shit.
So, which one of you sacks wants to actually try to earn his paycheck this week? Because, as we’ve said before, if each of these guys would make one, single big play, the Packers just might roll someone for a change.
Let’s go down the list.
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix
Did you know that this clown is both in the Pro Bowl and a second-team All Pro… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And I don’t mean Clinton-Dix!
I get it that you can make the Pro Bowl on name recognition. That it’s a popularity contest. What I don’t get is how this guy got a single All-Pro vote. Yes, five interceptions. Those came in three games. So, you could argue Ha Ha Clinton-Dix did jack for 13 other games. I wouldn’t argue that, though. Clinton-Dix did do something during those other 13 games — he was out of position, missed assignments, allowed huge plays and generally made no discernible impact other than screwing up. And that’s doing plenty!
I love to refer to Clinton-Dix by his other name — Mr. Awareness. His awareness levels are world famous. Just watch him take an angle to a receiver and instead run into and injure his own teammate. World-class awareness, man!
So what did that overrated POS do last week in Dallas? Well, he played all 68 snaps! He had four whole tackles. Not a single other stat. Rookie Kentrell Brice, who didn’t even play the whole game (or start) had seven tackles and defended a pass. As we pointed out earlier in the week, Ha Ha was a spectator.
The only reason he’s first on this list is because he’s still playing on his rookie deal, so he isn’t costing the Packers as much money for being terrible as the others on this list are. Frankly, Ha Ha Clinton-Dix is half the player Morgan Burnett is (and he isn’t even THAT great). It’s laughable that he draws any accolades.
I get it and I often point this out when people say that Mike Daniels makes no impact. To his defense, he’s one of the few — maybe the only guy — on the Packers’ defense you have to double team. When you’re surrounded by a bunch mediocres who couldn’t demand a double team in their dreams, then yes, you have your work cut out for you.
That said, Mike Daniels has a contract that averages slightly over $10 million per season. It’s one he just signed a little over a year ago. And like many guys who get that big money, they come out and underperform the next year. Remember back when this guy was on the cover of Sports Illustrated as one of the league’s rising stars? Should we call that the SI cover jinx?
Daniels had 16 fewer tackles, the same number of sacks (4), one fewer interception, one fewer pass defended and one fewer forced fumble in 2016 vs. 2015. What did he do last week? Ah, a whopping three tackles and zero impact plays.
Daniels plays hard. He needs to play harder if he wants to do anything other than go home and roll around in his money after this weekend.
You know, everyone has wanted to make a big deal about Julius Peppers turning 37 this week. That, and how the Packers want to win one for Peppers.
Well, I’ve got news for you. Julius Peppers looks like a 37-year-old defender at this point. The Packers were limiting Peppers’ snaps all season, supposedly for this playoff run. He still turned in 7.5 sacks, second on the team. Unfortunately, Peppers clearly has gotten that not so fresh feeling.
Despite playing 44 snaps last week, Peppers managed just a single tackle. Nothing else of note. He was better the week before against the Giants, with three tackles, a sack and two passes defended in 47 snaps. Hey, maybe he’s just decided he’ll only show up every other week and this is his week!
That said, when you’re making nearly $9 million a year — and I don’t care about the regular season. You best show up every week in the playoffs and you better make plays. One tackle… psssch… you’re already retired as far as I’m concerned.
Quick! Is there a more useless player on the Packers’ roster?
The answer is no, when you factor in salary.
The second-highest paid player on the Packers ($13.2 million per season) has ripped us off this year. He owes the Packers some money back. Won’t play inside linebacker, where he at least makes plays. Can’t stay healthy as an outside linebacker (missed four games, not unlike 2012 and 2013).
Oh, and also set career lows by a notable margin in tackles (24) and sacks (5). Let’s be honest. Clay Matthews has two total tackles in the Packers’ two playoff games. That is JOKE!
Sure, he had that one great play against the Giants — sack, forced fumble (twice) and the recovery. That was one of his two tackles this playoff run right there.
TWO TOTAL TACKLES.
Clay Matthews has been a disappointment all year. I wouldn’t expect him to turn it around this week, but he’ll certainly be the first guy I point to if and when the defense breaks apart. Your hamstring hurts? I don’t care. Your shoulder hurts? I don’t care.
The Packers aren’t paying you that money to be on the field. They’re paying you that much to make plays. So either make plays or get the hell off the field.