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Here’s a Reminder How Stupid the NFL has Become

Remember when Davante Adams scored a touchdown against the Detroit Lions last week and dunked the ball over the goal post? Right, that was stupid on his part because it turned into a 15-yard penalty.

However, we take issue more with the NFL’s draconian celebration rules. They weren’t always so damn stupid. Plenty of guys have dunked over the goal post.

Calvin Johnson: slam dunk

I don’t really understand the directive behind limiting celebrations.

Someone just did something well, they want to celebrate. CAN’T HAVE THAT!

Seriously, as of this season, these are the only celebrations allowed by the NFL.

(1) dancing that is not sexually suggestive; (2) celebrations with teammates that are not choreographed; (3) spiking the ball, as long as it’s not directed at an opponent; (4) spinning the ball, as long as it’s not directed to an opponent; (5) bowing to the crowd; (6) saluting; (7) going to the ground in prayer; (8) the “Lambeau Leap”; and (9) handing the ball to the official.

You probably notice that one of them isn’t even a goddam celebration.

Here is what specifically isn’t allowed.

(1) anything that mimics a violent act, including slashing the throat, shooting guns, and shooting arrows, whether directed at an opponent or not; (2) sexually suggestive dancing; (2) choreographed celebrations; (3) excessive celebrations; (4) prolonged celebrations; (5) spiking or spinning the ball at an opponent; (6) going to the ground; (7) using the ball as a prop; and (8) using any other props.

So I ask you, where does it say anything about the damn goal post in there? Would that fall under the “using any other props” category? Is it a prop if it’s a part of the field?

Also, you can go to the ground to pray, but you can’t just go to the ground? What the hell is the difference?

This is idiotic.

And you know what’s more idiotic?


Who the hell is any of this stuff hurting?

You can suck my ass, Roger Goodell.

Although this might explain one thing — why Jordy Nelson runs 20 yards out of the end zone before he spikes the ball now. We don’t want that to be construed as him spiking the ball at an opposing player who just might happen to be in the vicinity.

That will cost you 15 yards and $12,000!

Jordy Nelson

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!