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Ted Thompson Defends His Job Performance

It’s Tuesday, January 3, following the Green Bay Packers’ New Year’s Day loss to the Detroit Lions. Though Green Bay “controlled their destiny” for making the playoffs, their furious second half comeback fell short. The six straight three-and-outs in the first half were just too much to overcome.

A two-person meeting is taking place in Packers’ president Mark Murphy’s office. General manager Ted Thompson fears the worst.

“Ted, the past 12 years have been a pleasure, but you are responsible for bringing championship-caliber players onboard. Instead, what we mostly have is a collection of mediocre no-talent scrubs. No need to talk about the defense – Dom Capers is an institution here – but the offensive side of the roster is made up of a bunch of losers. I remind you that I didn’t hire you, it was Bob Harlan who was responsible for that.”

“Please, Mr. President, Mr. CEO, Mr. Chairman, hear me out before you do anything drastic. Let’s just consider the past three years.”

“I drafted Jared Abbrederis, great fan favorite, coming into his own in his third year. Mike was high on him all preseason, but he didn’t play him when the season started and never played him and then, out of the blue, he forced me to release him – wouldn’t even keep him on the practice squad. Not my fault he’s not on the team.

“Then I grabbed Jeff Janis in the seventh round and he showed what he could do in the playoffs. But you’re a witness, Mike won’t play the guy unless there’s no other receiver available. Don’t try to blame me for that one.

“Ever hopeful, I went out in 2015 and got me another bargain: Ty Montgomery, from Stanford, third rounder. All this versatile guy has done when he’s gotten on the field is perform at a high level. Even after a 10-catch game against Dallas and another a week later against the Bears, you saw what happened. Mike put him back on the bench.

“A lesser GM might have given up, but I went out last year and drafted Trevor Davis – fifth rounder from Cal, so Aaron’s bound to give him some looks, right? McCarthy, Rodgers, everyone loved the guy in preseason, but – and I know this sounds familiar – he was all but invisible during the regular season.

“I almost forgot about the shrewd signing I made in the offseason: tight end Jared Cook. I got the kind of receiver McCarthy said he needed to open up the middle of the field. What happened? He hardly saw the ball the first two games, got hurt, came back and had a great game, then was again ignored the rest of the year. Same old story.

“You’re probably going to bring up the running backs fiasco. Hey, I found Brandon Burks. I snatched up Jhurell Pressley. I traded for Knile Davis. I grabbed Christine Michael before the Vikings got him. I bring these guys to town, McCarthy keeps them firmly planted on the bench. What’s James Starks averaging, two yards a carry? I’m not responsible.

“And let’s not forget another great find of mine: I scoured Division III to come up with quarterback Joe Callahan. What did Big Mike do? He tried to send him to the practice squad, where he was all but guaranteed to be picked up by some other team during the waiver process. You see what I’m up against here, Mr. Murphy? What – you say we just got Callahan back? I’ve told the staff to wake me when stuff like this happens.

“I could go on – does the name Geronimo sound familiar? But I think you get the idea. I just draft and acquire, then it’s out of my hands.”

Mark Murphy swiveled around in his chair, rubbed his brow, and finally responded, “You’ve made an impressive case for yourself, Ted, except for one thing: you’ve got another duty besides player acquisition. (Pause)

“Can’t think of it? Mike McCarthy reports to you, Ted. If you don’t like what he’s doing, you can either fire him or order him to do things your way.

“You’ve been grossly negligent in your supervision of the head coach, Ted. I have no choice but to make an immediate change. I’ve decided to do what Vince Lombardi would do. Effective immediately, coach McCarthy is relieved of his duties, and you are now the general manager and head coach of the Packers. Problem solved!”

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Rob Born

Someone else said it first but I popularized it: “Athleticism is important in athletic pursuits.” It took three years, but the Packers finally listened. My new mantra: “Trading down is fine, but never trade up.”

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16 Comments

  1. Yolo7 December 2, 2016

    Problem solved yes of course except that tiny little issue of finding 2 replacements

  2. Zwoeger December 2, 2016

    Big smile. I knew you were ironic last time.

  3. Howard December 2, 2016

    The title of this work of fiction may get quite a few clicks. In fact in many ways the article could have a lot of truth to it.

    I kind of see Murphy’s decision already being made.
    1. The team will not fire a Super Bowl winning coach with one losing season after a Super Bowl.
    2. Murphy won’t remove himself.
    3. Ted and Murphy have set the team up for Elliot Wolf to take over after this season.
    4. Ted respects the Packer organization and the guy who gave him his start Ron Wolf. Clean transition of Power is important. Ted doesn’t like conflict.
    5. Ted will step down after the season and Murphy will turn over all of Ted’s responsibility to Elliot Wolf.
    6. Ted will stay on as a consultant until after the draft, just the way Ron Wolf did. Then walk off into the sunset with his contract intact.
    7. After next season if McCarthy does not show he can win championships anything goes with the new man in charge.
    8. Who knows what the team has with Elliot?

    1. Kato December 2, 2016

      I too, am very skeptical of Wolf. Just because he is Ron’s son does not mean he has the eye or savvy that his father had. I don’t know that that kind of thing is all that teachable. I’m fact, he has a large say in TTs decisions. The talent acquisition has been below average since Schneider, Dorsey, and McKenzie defected. Look at those teams records.

  4. MMTTDCSUCK December 2, 2016

    This all seems plausible Howard. Personally I believe that E. Wolf may not be the “be all end all”. But then again, I was not a fan of Davonte Adams either, and that seems to be turning out the exact opposite of my expectations. Whatever happens will most likely be a sideways move at worst. TT “The Frugal GM” has not set the NFL world on fire for quite some time now (if ever), I do believe this above anything else in the NFL, and especially in the Packer world. It is time for him to go somewhere else. All I would ask is that “GGT” Murphy wipe the slate clean and jettison MM and DC at the same time.

  5. Big B December 2, 2016

    Reach out to John Schneider and bring him back home- he’s a GM who does it all and is unafraid of free agency. TT’s philosophy is like playing blackjack and refusing to consider using jacks or kings.

    1. Kato December 2, 2016

      John Schneider has done well, but he has been terrible at offensive line evaluation. They probably have the worst offensive in the NFL.

      1. Big Gay Clay December 2, 2016

        They are a run first team and don’t need to spend high picks on oline because of Wilson’s escapability. They use those picks on building a strong defense and run game. Seattle’s been better than us since Schneider been there. That’s a fact

        1. Kato December 2, 2016

          I am in no way disputing that. I just said that Schneider hasn’t been perfect. He obviously hit homeruns with Wilson, Sherman, and Wagner with mid round picks. Cornerstones of the entire team.

  6. PF4L December 2, 2016

    I saw the title of this article, and i had 2 thoughts, in this order before i started reading.

    1) Did Thompson really get in front of a camera?
    2) Of course he waited until after a win.

    Then i start reading the 1st sentence and i’m thinking,,,wtf?

    So, as i often do with gossip and fiction, i stop reading and scroll down to the comment section. Reading Howards 1st sentence certainly clears up any confusion i temporarily had.

    Whatever.

  7. PF4L December 2, 2016

    In real news the 5-0 vikings are now losers of 6 their last 7 games.

    Remember when this site would relish this news as an opportunity to bash the chili dippers?

    Now….crickets.

    1. Killer December 2, 2016

      It is tough to bash a team that is better than your own team. Because then whatever you throw out there just applies to your own team… even more so. Packers are in no position to bash the Vikings though some give weak efforts, their karate incredibly weak. You know, the Piffle’s of the world.

      Fact is, Vikings beat the Packers in person. Fact is, Vikings have ten thousand times the injury factor handicap that the Packers have had. Including 11 different starting offensive linemen. Losing two LTs and 2 RTs. We are literally playing an undrafted free agent back up guard at starting RT. Not to mention (see how I do not mention it) our top player out all season.

      Look back on your own season: Remove Rodgers after game one and remove David B., and his back up, and Bryan Bulaga, and his back up. Instead of a losing team at 5-6 you would be a losing team at 2-9. Not so the gutsy Vikings!

      Fact is, if you guys win this weekend you are still in third place in an allegedly weak division. Fact.

      1. Turd Killer December 2, 2016

        Fact is, you’re a turd

      2. PF4L December 2, 2016

        AWE…are queen players injured?..NFL players get injured?..that’s a shame. Tell ya what, maybe i can contact Goodells people and explain to them, unlike all the other teams. The queens have injured players AND that their best player who was averaging 1.6 ypc has been out.

        Maybe the NFL can grant the queens, 2 extra draft picks, or maybe they can send them a great big sympathy banner shaped in a purple heart to hang in the lobby. Or….Maybe they can send all queen fans a free certificate inviting them to STFU and quit whining.

        SKOL!!

        1. icebowl December 2, 2016

          …. and he keeps trolling this site for more of this !

          What a sad life “Killer” must have ….

  8. gort December 2, 2016

    Rob, when did you invent time travel and invisibility, or were you just a bug on the wall?