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Adrian Peterson Isn’t Saving It for the Packers

The first word when Minnesota Vikings child abuser Adrian Peterson returned to practice this week, was that he would make his debut against the Green Bay Packers in week 16.

Not so, says Mushmouth.

Peterson said earlier today that he’s playing this weekend against the Indianapolis Colts.

“I’m gonna go ahead and go this week,” Peterson said. “I’m getting back out there and looking forward to joining my team as we continue on this journey to make the playoffs.”

We’re going to go ahead and have the same reaction we did the last time Peterson spoke…

Playoffs! Hahahahahahahaha!

Peterson tore his meniscus in week 2 against the Packers. He was garbage before that, and I don’t mean just as a human being, but also on the football field. Peterson was averaging just 1.6 yards per carry before going down.

Is he going to come back and save the Vikings’ season? We doubt it, but he will get to knock the rust off before traveling to Green Bay.

That means the Packers at least need to be wary of him.

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Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

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9 Comments

  1. PF4L December 16, 2016

    The only ones that need to be wary about Peterson are all his kids, that are scattered across the country.

    1. Dennis December 16, 2016

      Not so fast AP. The team knew nothing about this according to another sight. They need to make room for him by cutting someone. The article is on YB Sportsnaut three hours ago.

  2. Kato December 17, 2016

    That Vikings offensive line is garbage.

  3. PF4L December 17, 2016

    My daddi bring me’s ups dat ways, so’s dats da only ways i knows how to dicplin my childs een’s do’s i’m 30 and wents to colleges i dont’s knows know beter cusin i stopp’d learn’n when i was sevens.

  4. PF4L December 17, 2016

    NFL star Adrian Peterson may be a serial child abuser.

    KHOU 11 News Houston ✔ @KHOU
    #KHOU #ITEAM Adrian Peterson investigated for another abuse accusation involving another one of his sons.

    On the same day the Minnesota Vikings reinstated their standout running back, who was charged with beating his 4-year-old son with a tree branch, allegations came to light that he hit another one of his sons.

    A Houston TV station reported Monday that Peterson violently disciplined another 4-year-old boy he had with a different woman, leaving the child with a scarred head.

    Another Peterson son, was beaten to death by one of his baby mamas boyfriends. That happened 11 months before the 4 year olds “whuppings” child abuse. Peterson claimed not even knowing that kid was his until 2 months before he was killed. I wonder if he even went to the funeral.

    I guess nobody including Peterson, gives a shit about his kids.

    Another son of Petersons died of brain cancer. No indication if Peterson knew that child either.

    It’s a shame this ignorant millionaire couldn’t spend a few fucks on condoms if he has no interest in being a Father.

    1. Killer December 17, 2016

      Ah, Monty/Mordecai (PF4L/Piffle), you two-headed Ettin of reporting integrity!

      This post above, in a nutshell, is who and what you are. Namely, low-minded, inaccurate, and intentionally deceptive. I knew someone who had a phrase just made for you: “Half truth same thing as a whole lie”.

      I will shine a light on your deceptions =

      * The Houston news story of other abuse was from 2014. It came to exactly nothing. The investigation was closed, literally, years ago. You intentionally fail to note that this is old news or that the investigation found no abuse. You did this, I’m sure, to deceive your readership. Which you do on a regular basis. Some know this and stop coming here. Others know this and lick it up, wanting to be deceived. Others are too stupid to realize they are being deceived.

      * You purposely connect the Houston news story of 2014 — intentionally leaving out the date — with AP being “reinstated”. AP was “reinstated” this week so you do it in such a way as to deceive your readership, poor loyal bastards, into thinking this is current news. You know, something actually relevant when it is not, or something in progress when it is actually long done and concluded with not guilty.

      * You then wrote that the Houston news station reported AP had violently disciplined another child. No, they did not. They did not claim he had done that. They claimed he was being investigated for possibly having done that. That is a big difference. We do not know if anyone claimed he had but we do know he was investigated and they found nothing. So you intentionally make it sound worse and leave out the most important facts while creating fictional facts like that the station claimed he had, in fact, done the deed. This is classic Monty “reporting”.

      * But you dig the moral hole — and the horrible reporting — hole EVEN DEEPER! You conflate the death of another child of his as somehow connected to his using a switch when an entirely different man did it! You strategically use the word “claimed” in order to cast doubt on when AP knew of this son. No one else disputes this but you leap in and cast aspersions. And where does this go? Oh, he really knew about this boy for 14 months but that evil Evil EVIL AP “claims” he only knew about him for 2 months…?!

      * Then you say, ” I wonder if he even went to the funeral.” Well, apparently you did not “wonder” very hard! Either that or you are the worst news researcher ever. Granted, the second possibility is a very real possibility. Holy lack of diligence in reporting! Let me help you. There is this thing called “the internet”. It has search engines that you can type key words into. Just try “Adrian Peterson son funeral”. Just like magic, what comes up? Why, yes, AP did go to his son’s funeral even though he had never met him and did not know he existed until 2 months before the death. Even though he had to miss practice a couple days. Fair warning, one of the numerous articles is from a rather disreputable web site called NFL.com….

      * Now, surely, Surely, SURELY your deceptive reporting could not, Not, NOT get worse than that. Right? Right? I mean, that HAD to be the low point saying you wondered if he went to his son’s funeral when you knew he had or should have known if you had practiced the barest of diligence. Can’t get worse than that, right….?
      Well, actually… wrong. Sadly wrong. Hard to believe but… you dug it EVEN deeper. You “claimed” (here I use the word appropriately) that AP had another son die of brain cancer. You very strategically structured your statement to be technically true but really a lie. Classic Monty deception. I’m sure YOU know truth of your deception but, for the sake of your poor innocent deceived readers, I will illuminate: There WAS a son of “Petersons” (sic lack of proper punctuation, should be “Peterson’s”). He WAS a son of Adrian Peterson. It was the son of RB Adrian Peterson. However, it was not the same AP Adrian Peterson. It was the running back named Adrian Peterson who used to play with the Chicago Bears. Yes, that new-fangled gadget called the internet also reveals the actual truth there. Again, I must warn that one of the articles comes from a highly suspect fly-by-night web site that calls itself “Sports Illustrated.com”. Very cleverly — and very deceptively — you also go on to say “No indication if Peterson knew that child either”. Now, the Chicago Bears Adrian Peterson obviously did know him. Now, because you start that line with “Another son of Petersons…” and because you switch freely between the Vikings Adrian Peterson and the Bears Adrian Peterson without noting said switch, these maneuvers go beyond deceptive and are just plain lies albeit slightly clever ones.

      Slightly clever is all you’ve needed to regularly dupe your poor readers but it does not suffice to delude Viking fans.

      1. PF4L December 18, 2016

        My daddi bring me’s ups dat ways, so’s dats da only ways i knows how to dicplin my childs een’s do’s i’m 30 and wents to colleges i dont’s knows know beter cusin i stopp’d learn’n when i was sevens.

        1. Killer December 18, 2016

          Crucified on the cross of truth you resort to racism. True to form you just keep digging that hole deeper.

          PS Contrary to what you told as a child you will never make it all the way through to China.

          1. PF4L December 21, 2016

            My daddi bring me’s ups dat ways, so’s dats da only ways i knows how to dicplin my childs een’s do’s i’m 30 and wents to colleges i dont’s knows know beter cusin i stopp’d learn’n when i was sevens.