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Nick Fucking Perry!

Are the Green Bay Packers going to miss Nick Perry this week?

Yes they are.

How much they are going to miss him, we’ll end up seeing on the field.

Here’s the thing about Nick Perry.

Always injured — we’ve hammered him for that in the past. And while that may be true, we have also held Nick Perry up as a goddam beast when he is healthy.

The reason for that is simple. Even if he can’t get after the passer — and he leads the Green Bay Packers with eight sacks this year — he is, without question, the team’s best edge run defender.

We’re not the only ones who believe that.

No. 3 in run defense grade. In the ENTIRE LEAGUE!

Perry gets an 84.0 grade from PFF overall. According to them, he’s the 14th best edge defender — that includes OLBs and 4-3 DEs — in the NFL.

You know who you’ll never find on top of that list?

Clay Matthews and Julius Peppers. But hey, they get sacks, so whoopte-fucking-do! Both of those guys play the run and set the edge for shit. They are lucky to have Nick Perry doing his job on the other side of the defense.

Unfortunately, they won’t have that this week. We all knew Nick Perry was just… well, that guy is an injury report incarnate.

It was only a matter of time.

But listen, Nick Perry, if you can ever put on some fucking body armor — or whatever it takes for you not to get injured — we’ve got your back!

We know how valuable you are.

We think you’re more valuable than Julie or Clay’s hair. He can water that shit down all day long…

DON’T GIVE A FUCK, HANDSOME BOY!

Play ball!

Nick Perry fucking plays ball!

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Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

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7 Comments

  1. Kato December 9, 2016

    I have been saying this for years

    1. Mike Ditka's Mom December 9, 2016

      No, you haven’t.

      1. gort December 10, 2016

        I have been saying that for years. The loss of Perry this week is a big problem and may be the difference between a close game and a blowout loss. Matthews speed is his biggest asset, but how he uses it is his biggest liability. Too many times his speed gets him into the backfield only to lose contain, especially with elusive and quick guys on the offense. Seattle has lots of elusive and quick guys. Must have guys on the outside that do not lose contain. Hey Clay, this week especially, sacks are not as important as keeping the opposition from explosive plays allowed by loss of containment.

  2. icebowl December 9, 2016

    How long before they figure out that products of friggin’ USC system are made of porcelain ….. ???
    They should come with a “Best Used By” date …. !!!

    1. PF4L December 9, 2016

      Can we please wait on this until after TT over pays him?

  3. Mike Ditka's Mom December 9, 2016

    Perry is a bust! He’ll never get it! The Packers wasted a draft pick! –Total Packers

    1. MJ December 9, 2016

      Not so fast, smart guy. He took 5 years to make an impact. So now that he is serviceable/good, he costs like a free agent.