As if a bag of shit could be any other way, right? A bag of shit, by nature of it being a bag of shit, has no attention span.
It literally cannot pay attention, lest it suddenly stop being a bag of shit and become an actual human being.
So, Damarious Randall, cornerback for the Green Bay Packers…
We’ve seen this assclown get worked over and over again this season. By Stefon Diggs, by Marvin Jones, by whatever third-tier receiver the Chicago Bears threw out there against him on Sunday.
What I had failed to realize was that Randall actually got benched for a time against the Bears on Sunday. And shit, I wasn’t even drunk!
It isn’t as if things were just skating by me unnoticed as I sat in a haze plotting my latest vagina acquisition. The mind was sharp!
That said, we all know the Packers’ secondary played like butt against the Bears. Maybe we were all hesitant to blame it on Randall because that has really become too easy.
And remember, we were deluding ourselves into thinking that health was a factor here. That the Packers’ secondary just needed to be healthy, 100 percent, and that was the answer.
Nope.
Damarious Randall is just an inattentive bag of shit who can’t do his job.
Listen to this, from Big Fat Mike himself.
“I think we, when we sit down and watch the tape with him, there’s things that he’ll learn from,” McCarthy said. “So, there’s times where you want coverage … there’s a reason why you have alignments and assignments on everything on offense, defense and special teams, and we need to be more detailed.”
That’s damning.
That’s Big Fat Mike saying that not only is this guy not doing his job, but he isn’t even executing his basic assignment.
Derpy, derpy, derp, derp, derp…
This is what I remember most from Randall’s Sunday performance — getting run over by some guy named Bellamy on the way to the end zone like a fucking bitch.
Damarious Randall punked by Bill Bellamy. #howtobeaplayer
— Total Packers (@totalpackers) December 18, 2016
For those of you who don’t get that reference — and let’s be honest, unless you’re black and over 40, you have no idea — the guy’s name was not actually Bill Bellamy. It was Josh Bellamy.
The point was, he’s an inconsequential dude. A won’t-be-in-the-league-a-year-from-now kinda dude. An guy who doesn’t matter, trucking our supposed No. 1 CB.
Maybe Randall should play for the Chicago Bears. You can be a defensive back on that team and regularly give up huge plays that screw the season entirely… or at least the game.
Remember, it was Damarious Randall who was almost singularly responsible for those aforementioned dicks — Diggs and Jones — having career days against the Packers earlier in the season.
And now they’re on tap again in the final two weeks.
Damarious Randall and his shitbaggery may just be the most important factor for the Packers’ season at this point.
Let’s be honest. He’s a first-round draft pick. Shitty or not, the Packers will keep sending him out there. And they don’t have a choice with Sam Shields’ career effectively over. At least this year…
Damarious, buck up and be a Green Bay Packer or go ahead and press that cold, steel hole to your temple and pull the fucking trigger.