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Adrian Peterson is Coming Back Just for the Packers

Your least favorite child abuser, Adrian Peterson, is planning on returning to the field when the Minnesota Vikings face the Green Bay Packers in week 16.

Peterson plans on returning to practice this week and then playing next week.

“This week is going to be big for me,” Peterson said. “My plan, and my vision, is to be back for the Green Bay game. That’s what I’m envisioning.

“My eyes are still set on being in Houston for the Super Bowl. … That’s been my vision. With us still in the (playoff) hunt, that hasn’t changed at all.”

Vikings! Super Bowl! You’re funny, Adrian!

You will probably recall Peterson tore his meniscus when the Packers faced the Vikings back in week 2. He then went on injured reserve and some of us assumed his season and maybe his Vikings’ career were over.

Of course, that was just really wishful thinking. We’re not getting rid of this scumbag just yet.

The Vikings are dead last in the NFL in rushing, averaging a pathetic 73.4 yards per game. They have been trying to run the football with a couple of turds named Jerick McKinnon and Matt Asiata in Peterson’s absence. Those clowns are averaging 3.0 and 3.3 yards per carry, respectively.

And yes, I know what you’re thinking. Uh oh! The Vikings might be good again with Peterson back on the field!

Well, that piece of crap was averaging just 1.6 yards per carry in the two games he was healthy. So hold the phone on Adrian Peterson coming to save the day for the Queens.

Just think, the Packers will have a chance to crush both the Minnesota Vikings’ and Adrian Peterson’s dreams in week 16. And wouldn’t that be glorious?

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. PF4L December 13, 2016

    “My eyes are still set on being in Houston for the Super Bowl” – Said no one after losing 6 of the lst 8.



    S till
    K eep
    O n
    L osing

  2. PF4L December 13, 2016

    That child beating criminal hasn’t rushed against us for over 67 yards, since 2013.

    Wut ya gone do brotha!?

    Fucking nothing, that’s what.

  3. PF4L December 13, 2016

    “My eyes are still set on being in Houston for the Super Bowl.”

    So…….you’re buying tickets then? Maybe taking one of your 6 baby’s mamas? Maybe taking your bastard children?


    Sorry folks, i can’t stand that fuck. :)

  4. Killer December 13, 2016

    Such vitriol Monty/PF4L/Piffle/Mordecai!

    I read your fear of AP between the lines of your article. You are wise to fear him. Obviously, we’ll see how effective he is or is not Game 16 coming back from such a major injury and surgery same season. Historically, when rusty he is a slow starter (when he does not play in preseason his game 1 is usually well below his average). So, you know, we’ll see.

    There is no doubt the Vikings are better with him than without him. The stats cited as per the Vikings run game just confirm this point. So, think about it: Here is a team that is better than the Packers WITHOUT Peterson who will soon be getting him back. That would be like the Packers IF they were better than the Vikings WITHOUT Aaron Rodgers about to then get him back to be even better. So, yes, your fear is understandable.

    A point in the defense of the “couple of turds” as you so politically and gracefully put it (and possibly in defense of AP if eh does poorly in Game 16 and beyond) = I make no bones about the fact the Vikings offensive line is horrible with terrible injuries and terrible play. We lost our RG (Mike Harris). We lost our Center (John Sullivan). We lost our RT (Phil Loadholt). We lost our LT (Matt Kalil). We lost our back up RT (Andre Smith). We lost out back up LT (Jake Long). We lost another Center (Joe Berger). We lost another RG (Brandon Fusco). 8 offensive linemen who were all starters when they went out.

    McKinnon’s athleticism is off the charts and is actually graded higher than AP in his prime. Asiata is a very determined, tough to tackle, who is a great pass blocker and pass catcher as well. These guys are far from”clowns” but they are in a bad situation.

    Just wanted to correct that error on your part. You make a lot of errors and I think if they get publicly corrected frequently enough you may be able to meet this challenge and improve yourself a little.

    I know you want a prediction and here it is:
    If AP returns it will lead to one of two things = Either the running game becomes a legit threat or opposing defenses will successfully focus on AP leading to even greater success by Sam Bradford. In Week 16 the Packers will be nailed either by AP, or Bradford, or both.

  5. Killer December 13, 2016

    I also need to correct the erroneous title of this article. AP is not coming back JUST for the Packers. He is coming back — if it goes to plan — starting on Week 16. Which happens to be the Packers game. But, contrary to the title, he also plans to play the following week and into the playoffs if the Vikings make it in.

    So, it is not all about you much as you may think the world revolves around the Packers. YOUR world does but not the world’s world.

  6. PF4L December 14, 2016

    I’m assuming the 2 part novel above my post contains information about a team losing 6 of it’s last 8.

    Also, that reality can be a cruel MOFO.

    Look, i’m sure viking fans feel bad, and this Lady posting above me is no different. But i’ll repeat what i told her back in weeks 3-5. Win something, then chirp about it.

    It’s women like this that make viking fans look idiotic.