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Minnesota Vikings satire

Packers Fan Stabs Vikings Fan, But Not Well Enough

That, as you can see, is Dave Moschel. He’s a Minnesota Vikings fan living in Wisconsin, which is a pretty stupid place to live if you’re a Vikings fan.

But you know, this is a Vikings fan we’re talking about.

On Sunday, a Green Bay Packers fan dropped by and started cutting up that stupid inflatable toy Moschel has in his yard. That, of course, is just the right thing to do. A public service for the people of Wisconsin.

Well, Moschel didn’t think much of this Packers fan and confronted him, so the Packers fan started stabbing Moschel. He was stabbed seven times in total — on the head, forehead and under his eye.

And you’re wondering why he’s not dead? The perp was using a box cutter.

So let this be a lesson to you the next time you need to stab a Vikings fan.

Always carry an appropriately-sized knife to make sure you get the job done.

Rambo

Tags:
Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

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26 Comments

  1. Chad Lundberg October 12, 2016

    Well… I really hope this just a really sick joke. I wasn’t a great fan of Lance Easely, but for God’s sake he only hurt a football, nothing that really mattered. E. Wolf took what he did way too seriously, and this site has some serious bloodlust psychopaths writing for it.

  2. PF4L October 12, 2016

    “..gonna get a little piece of viking duct tape, and it’s going to be blown up everyday of the week from now on, or until someone ends my life over it.”

    This dude looks pretty rough. Maybe he should learn how to defend himself, or better yet, stay inside where it’s safe and have his wife handle it next time.

    Cut up a viking fans face and head in Wisconsin and you will be treated harshly, unless of course you have 3 grand which then, you can just go home or still catch happy hour at the local tap…..lol.

    This douchebag isn’t killer is he? The douche mentioned that the Vikes were 5-0. That somehow is relevant for this douche i guess. Lets all chip in and send him a nice shiny blue ribbon to hang on his door.

    1. Killer October 14, 2016

      Not me though I can tell you if I saw a Packer fan in my yard trying to vandalism my stuff I also woud kick his ass and hold him for arrest.

      The reason mentioning 5-0 is relevant is because 1) Why not? 2) Chance to really put it to Packer fans by putting the truth in their faces, and, 3) That could be the reason this took place. I mean, you don’t hear about this happening to Lions fans or Bears fans by Packer fans. The guy probably would not even have blinked had he passed a Bears fan’s house with a big blow up bear in the yard. The reality of the Vikings having a 5-0 record and being a better managed, better coached, more talented team with better people is at odds with Packer delusions of grandeur. They cannot accept reality and cannot change it and can’t be graceful or fair minded about things… so they get a box cutter and go on a slashing attack. That is a Packer version of being constructive. Twisted. Mad. No one has to embarrass them, they do it to themselves.

      Kind of like you and your comments, Piffle.

      1. PF4L October 14, 2016

        If you saw a Packer fan in your yard, you’d do exactly what you’ve been doing since the boys in the neighborhood started bullying you. You’d run to your mommy.

  3. E. Wolf October 12, 2016

    Vikings fans dare not blight our sigh with such eyesores except in seasons like this. I will not condone this fan, but I will not condemn him, either.
    What I really fault him for is getting caught. Should have heeded Lee Marvin’s advice from Dirty Dozen. If I recall correctly, Charles Bronson told him he was convicted for shooting a sergeant he did not like during battle, turned around and saw an officer see him do it. Marvin’s response “See, thats what you did wrong. Should have done it when it was no one was looking.” Exactly.

    1. PF4L October 12, 2016

      To bad this box cutting clown wasn’t sipping white wine at the Beverly Garland when Lance made his appearance, amirite? (nudges E. Wolf)

  4. PF4L October 12, 2016

    Viking fan to vandal: “Watch it fucker!!…You can cut me up, but i’ll be damned if i’m gonna let you cut up my inflatable viking toy.”

    Sorry folks….but i love this story…Thank you Mordi.

    1. Empacador October 12, 2016

      Cutting a guy over a Viking inflatable? This is on par with the Viking fan biting off fish heads. Both are STOOPID (sic).

      1. Empacador October 12, 2016

        Wasn’t intended to be a reply to your comment PF4l, was supposed to be only a general comment. Formatting, how does that work? Lol! Sorry for the confusion.

  5. Nate, addict October 12, 2016

    Does anyone know if something has been set up to help with bail/legal fees? This man deserves our full support, he’s been an inspiration to me and my family. The best part is the infidel has been invited to sit through a Vikings game AND a practice. As if getting stabbed in the face weren’t bad enough.

    1. PF4L October 13, 2016

      Of course his pain isn’t over. He’ll still have to deal with the suffering of his undefeated football team, becoming a big failure before, or when the playoffs begin, because something will go wrong. because….something always goes wrong.

      1. PF4L November 4, 2016

        And..while killers thinking of a response. Lets assume playfully for a minute that killer can show his source to be credible and that Zimmer did in fact fire Turner. Wouldn’t that prove Mike Zimmer to be nothing more than a scumbag liar? After stating he was very very surprised Turner quit.

  6. PF4L October 13, 2016

    What does a viking fan wear when he becomes aware that the news station is coming over to interview him and put him on tv. He puts on his cleanest CNA scrub, and his vikings jammie bottoms.

  7. PF4L October 13, 2016

    Someone should investigate this loser. When does someone have 5 or 6 kids with someone, and not marry her?

    When us taxpayers are paying them a nice big fat check every month to support his kids..

  8. Killer October 14, 2016

    I guess I will forgo addressing the substandard humans who posted support for the assaulter/vandal/poor sport and/or attacked the victim. See, that is the kind of thing I expect from a sad majority of Packer fans.

    But I will correct the author of this article in a couple ways. One, just want to point out the hypocrisy when he writes it is stupid for that Minnesota fan to live in another state. Does he tell Packer fans living in Illinois they are stupid for doing that? I’m sure not. Total hypocritical double-standard. Mord, this is still America and we are all free to live wherever we want and be a fan of whatever team we want.

    In fact, Mord is a very direct and proven hypocrite : He says in his byline that he lives in Los Angeles. Yet, he seems to cheer on the Packers and not the Rams….

    The other correction I have is that the article s selective in usage of facts and truth. It leaves out that the Viking fan kicked the Packer fan’s ass and held him for arrest. That the Packer fan is facing some very serious charges and long term impact — hard to find work, sodomy in prison, etc.

    Oddly enough, the perp is quite lucky. The victim normally carries a handgun and would have shot him had he been carrying at the time. Just think: An armed Packer fan took on an unarmed Viking fan and is LUCKY that all that happened is that he got his butt kicked, his future ruined, and is facing Felony charges. Lucky!

    And some of you fools hurry to align yourselves with this loser! You fools!

  9. PF4L October 14, 2016

    The victim had a black eye, and 75 stitches on his face. The “perp’ had a black eye. So your conclusion is the perp got his ass kicked? lol..Fucking delusional queen fan.

    1. Killer October 15, 2016

      Delusional Packer fan thou art, Piffle!

      That vandal slasher is a loser as demonstrated by a series of defeats=
      1. Tried to get away with vandalism… and FAILED.
      2. Tried to destroy a blow up Viking (surely not a difficult task!)… and FAILED.
      3. Tried to kill a Viking fan… and FAILED.
      4. Tried to escape… and FAILED. (Because the Viking fan kicked his butt)
      5. Tried to get away with being a miserable punk… and FAILED.

      To be fair he did SUCCEED in the following=
      1. He SUCCEEDed in demonstrating Packer fan sportsmanship to the world.
      2. He SUCCEEDed in the creation of a new word in the urban dictionary — “sportspunkship”.
      3. He SUCCEEDed in the revelation of which writers are cowardly creeps (Mordecai). Though “revelation” is probably not the right word there.
      4. He SUCCEEDed in the revelation of which posters are frustrated serial killer wannabes (Piffle a.k.a PF4L, A. Puppy a.k.a. E. Wolf, Nate the Meth-head a.k.a. Nate, Addict). Though “revelation” is probably not the right word there.
      5. He SUCCEEDed in taking on a blow up doll with a box cutter… and coming out a loser with prison time and a criminal record, an embarrassment to friends, family, and his community.

      Has anyone ever lost so much by failing in such a minuscule and unworthy venture?

      How do you plan to outdo him, Piffle? Planning to attempt a midnight castration of a Viking fan’s female puppy only to become impaled on the 3 foot tall picket fence?

  10. PF4L October 15, 2016

    Viking fan to vandal: “Watch it fucker!!…You can cut me up, but i’ll be damned if i’m gonna let you cut up my inflatable viking toy.”

    SKOL!

    Bwhahahahahahaha

  11. PF4L October 15, 2016

    In all seriousness, this viking fan should be looked at as a hero. A hero to all the inflatable latex mascots out there. these toy mascots fearlessly sit out on someone’s lawn, harming no one. Defenseless to malicious attacks as we just witnessed.

    Lets just call this what it is, this is nothing less than terrorism. And it hero’s like Policeman, Fireman, Navy Seals and Dave Moschel that give us these very freedoms we enjoy.

    Fear not latex mascots, hero’s like Dave Moschel have your back, no matter the cost or personal injury. Mr. Moschel made a life decision, a hero’s decision. He risked his life for a poor, innocent, defenseless inflatable latex mascot and said…”not on my watch!”

    Is it any wonder why the Vikings would treat him to a game? I say hell no. This hero deserves much more. Maybe even the ultimate prize. The Vikings winning another Division banner perhaps.

  12. 2nd Amendment Fan October 16, 2016

    This is satire only to the hardest core Packers fans; it’s not funny when someone is nearly killed over a sports rivalry. It took 60 stitches and 12 staples – some next to his eye – to close the wounds this criminal inflicted, yet the police are charging the perp only with destruction of property and criminal endangerment? In politically correct Wisconsin, the police seem to think it’s acceptable behavior, because they’re Packer fans too. This is worse than bullying, it’s attempted murder, and if this guy’s kids (who saw it happen) are to grow up with any respect for the law, the attacker needs to be put away. no matter which sports team he roots for. Sports is fun and games, but only til someone’s life is threatened. Life is more important than sports. If this would have happened in MY yard, I’d have defended against deadly force with my 9mm “equalizer”. Even a Packer fan should understand it was justifiable self-defense.

    1. Killer October 17, 2016

      Way to be, 2ND AMENDMENT FAN! Yeah, this kind of thing is no joking manner… though, ironically, the way that Mordecai and Piffle (PF4L) react to it make THEM into jokes.

      P.S. Apparently. no, even Packer fans do not understand justifiable self-defense, or trespassing, or, in general, right and wrong.

  13. PF4L October 17, 2016

    Self defense of what? …a lawn toy?

    Who’s to say that the vandal wasn’t attacked, and he was justifiably defending himself (which would explain the charges). Do you have the police report or are you just guessing about the facts of the case?

    BTW…How long have you been calling your penis, a equalizer?

    Facts matter.

    1. Killer October 17, 2016

      Piffle, you really are a piffle:

      Anyone has the right to make a citizen;s arrest on a trespasser or vandal and can make a flying tackle to do so if they want. If a man (defending his home and property) “attacks” with his bare hands it is NOT self-defense to slash his head and face and eye area seven times with a box cutter. Or his pinky even just one time. That is NOT self-defense. That fact you could even consider that it possibly could be under any circumstances reveals incredibly profound ignorance. You probably think Ed Gein was acting in self-defense when he killed all those women — after all they could one day have had children and one day those kids could have run into his truck on the road and killed him therefore slaughtering the women was “self-defense”. See, you think like a serial killer. Yet another Wisconsin serial killer.

      1. PF4L October 17, 2016

        Comparing Ed Gein to a kid cutting an inflatable mascot, committing a minor act of vandalism….seriously?

        How stupid are you?…wait, i forgot for a second you are a viking fan, much like the loser who gets his face cut up protecting a defenseless inflatable toy.

        Disregard the question. I get it.

        1. Killer October 18, 2016

          Piffle, the appropriate question would be my asking you how stupid YOU are. After all, I did not compare the box cutter “kid” (who is a 21 year old adult — or, at least, has an adult body no matter how psychopathic and juvenile) to Ed Gein. No, I compared your attitude of loosely and easily justifying assault on any old premise to the type of thinking Ed Gein and his type may employ.

          I’m not sure if you intentionally got it wrong, having a reading disability, or are truly lacking intelligence. Feel free to enlighten me which one of those is the issue. Oh, and remember to also apologize. Not sure if your parents taught you basic courtesy but when you make a mistake and follow it up with insults an apology is customary. You are a Packer fan though so I doubt you will take any personal responsibility.

          1. PF4L October 19, 2016

            I’ll send a memo of explanation home with your mother, just as soon as i’m done with the whore.

            Your right….I should apologize, i’m sorry your mother is a whore.