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Good Riddance, Adrian Peterson!

You child abusing piece of shit…

That’s right. Minnesota Vikings fans would love for you to forget that, but we’ll be here to remind you as long as we’re permitted to. Adrian Peterson is a child abuser and now, his 2016 season looks like it might be fucked.

Peterson, who suffered a torn meniscus on Sunday night against the Green Bay Packers, will have surgery on Thursday. The expected recovery time for Peterson is three to four months. Best case here, the Vikings get Peterson back in late December.

Let’s be honest here, though. Peterson is 31, which is a year older than when most running backs typically hit the wall and completely lose their abilities. And we know, this is the great Adrian Peterson, but there were plenty of signs that day had come for him. Peterson had just 5o yards on 31 carries in his two games this season, which is an atrocious 1.6 yards per carry.

And now there will be people telling us that Peterson, at 31, when he had looked like he totally lost it, is going to come back better after another knee surgery?

Mmmmmm… probably not!

And even if Peterson does end up playing again, the end of the line is clearly near. The question now becomes if it even matters for the Vikings?

Peterson did nothing in the first two games and the Queens are still 2-0. It appears they have a great defense, although playing anemic offenses like Tennessee and Green Bay probably made them look a little better than they are. Sam Bradford is no world beater, but he outplayed Aaron Rodgers in week 2 and may actually be an upgrade over good old Ted Butthole.

So are the Vikings screwed? Probably not, at least as long as the Packers offense continues to play like the L.A. Rams offense. I could even see a scenario where the Vikings are better off because they don’t think they have to hand it to an over-the-hill AP 20 times a game.

Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!



  1. PF4L September 21, 2016

    First off, i’d like to wish the former Father of the year, a quick and speedy recover. But this injury does bring to the surface issues, realities, problems, and slavery.

    Issue #1) The Vikings are now faced with replacing the lost production of this child beater. They will have to find someone else that can match AP’s production where he left off. That means finding someone with the skills to rush for 600 yards.

    Issue #2) This will give the former Father of the year, more time to visit with his children. The problem is CPS, will have to increase it’s staff to supervise those visits.

    Reality #1) God doesn’t have a sense of humor when it comes to beating 4 year old children. Most people end up in jail, if you have money, you get sent home. But….God see’s everything, hence, karma justice supersedes.

    Reality #2) Unlike the ACL surgery, the child beater won’t have the benefit of using HGH for a faster recovery like last time, using the explanation that his elevated T cell levels were caused by a sports hernia, won’t work twice.

    Problem #1) You can disregard reality #2 as his career is now finished. The Vikings surely will not pay Peterson the 18 million they’d owe him for next season, also having no dead cap money by releasing the 32 y/o child beater. And then, who else is going to pay him big money for 1.6 ypc next season? NONE.

    Problem #2)..Coming back down to earth. The Panthers will absolutely destroy the Vikings. When i say destroy, just watch the game and you’ll see what i mean. Shiny new stadium, shiny new 2-0 record, a lot of viking fan optimism. But just like Peterson’s 8 child support payments to 7 different mothers, all things will eventually come to an end.

    The good news is. Mr Peterson will no longer have to feel like a slave, as he proclaimed he was by playing in the NFL.

    Enjoy your 100 million you earned as a slave, child beater. Good fucking riddance.

    1. Misha September 22, 2016

      Best comment ever.. love it. I hope he never plays again..

      1. PF4L September 22, 2016

        I’m a giver.

  2. I Steal Fish September 22, 2016