Five More Thoughts on Packers’ Loss to Vikings
Well, this is becoming familiar, isn’t it? The Green Bay Packers losing to the scumbag Minnesota Vikings.
This time, it was a 17-14 debacle at the new Hormel Chili Dome. It became a debacle when Adrian Peterson was injured and, before that, completely held in check.
Other than fuckface Damarious Randall, who clearly is, at best, a No. 2 corner, the Packers defense played balls out. And, as we should now be accustomed to, the offense shit the fucking bed.
The problems there start with the Buffoon in charge. Hey, you fat fuck, maybe hand off play calling and decision making to, I don’t know… ANYONE ELSE!
Anyway, there’s plenty of buffoons to call out on this day, so let’s get right to it.
Sam Bradford > Aaron Rodgers
Yeah, that’s right. You are part of the problem, Hollywood! You just got outplayed, not only by a mediocre quarterback, but by a mediocre quarterback who’s only been learning his offense for two weeks! How many years have you been in Fat Mike’s offense, Aaron Rodgers? Too many, apparently. Here’s the statistical breakdown: 286 yards, 2 TDs, no INTs, 9.2 average vs. 213 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, 5.9 average. The latter line is Rodgers’. Throw in the three fumbles, somehow only one of which was lost, and here’s what you have. Aaron Rodgers, supposed best quarterback in the NFL, sucked a giant cock on Sunday night. In fact, let’s be honest, his quarterback play has been sucking a giant cock for some time. Two-time MVP? It’s hard to even fathom how this guy won those two awards right now. I could name about 20 quarterbacks who are better than Aaron Rodgers right now. Maybe make up with your brother. Maybe dump that cancerous trollop. Whatever you need to do to get right. Or maybe just fuck off. The good news is this — if Rodgers continues to play at this level, the Packers will finally have to consider firing Buffoon. That day can’t some soon enough.
Take it Easy, Ed
I like to call Eddie Lacy Easy Ed. It fits his demeanor and, despite his punishing running style, it’s fun to say after he breaks one. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasy! This point, of course, goes back to Buffoon. It’s the same damn point I brought up last week. Remember when Buffoon said the Green Bay Packers are going to be a running team this year? I do. And for the second game in a row, the Packers didn’t really bother to run the ball. Lacy had a meager 12 carries. He turned those into 50 yards, a 4.2 average, but again, the Packers barely ran the football. They had 23 total rushes, three of which were Rodgers’ scrambles. So, 20 total rushing plays. Let’s forget about the insane decision by Buffoon to hand it to James Starks on 4th-and-2 for a moment. I mean, why would you use your power back in that situation? I don’t know. Starks was clearly the man for that job. Just last year, Easy Ed — who was supposedly fat as fuck at the time — raked the shitbag Queens for over 100 yards in Minnesota. Our quarterback is suddenly a sack of shit, but we’re just going to give Ed the ball 12 times. By the way, his 4.2 per carry isn’t that much different than Rodgers’ 5.9 per pass. Must be saving Lacy for later. For non-important games.
Mike Daniels & Co.
I’m going to look at the positives for a moment and hand out some pats on the back. First of all, Mike Daniels. I noted that he was invisible in week 1. Well, he was a goddam beast in week 2. Four tackles, two for loss, including a sack. Mike Fucking Daniels, I love you and you are the heart and soul of this team. COME TO PLAY EVERY WEEK!
Similarly, Julius Peppers. Clearly, Julie was pissed by his demotion and he came out and did something about it. He said, fuck you Fat Mike, I am better than Nick Perry! That’s debatable, but Julie was in Bradford’s face early and often. He finished with 1.5 sacks. THAT is exactly what we need from Julius Peppers.
Nick Perry, I like what you’re doing. Stay healthy. Joe Thomas, you’re not always perfect, but your improvement from last year astounds me. I want you on my team and on the field.
Rhymes with Bum
Shawn and I made fun of punter Jake Schum on the podcast pretty mercilessly. Because, you see, Schum rhymes with bum. And now we know. That’s exactly what Jake Schum is. A fucking bum. He averaged 38.6 in a fucking indoor stadium!
What’s he going to do in Lambeau in December? I’ll tell you. He’s going to be a fucking bum.
Totally surprising, considering the Tampa Bay Buccaneers cut this guy during the FIRST cutdown this year. Right?
Die, Davante Adams!
Seriously, I feel like the only way to get this pile of shit off the Packers or on the bench where he belongs is if he were to actually die. But then again, Hollywood and Buffoon can only function with the same three receivers, so we’d probably have some Weekend At Bernie’s shit going on if Davante actually died.
Who do you think they’d tie him to in order to send him out on the field? My guess is it would be Jared Abbrederis and Jeff Janis. Can you see those two guys out there attached to a dead Davante Adams running him around the field?
I could. And it would literally make zero difference in ability to catch a pass.
I don’t regularly endorse suicide, but Davante Adams would be doing us all a favor.