Type to search

Packers Take Down 49ers in BS3

Yeah, we’re going to label NFL preseason games with BS from now on. Because that’s what they are. We hate them. The players hate them. You hate them.

Nonetheless, the shitbags at the NFL will perpetrate these games on us for the foreseeable future.

So, bullshit game three…

For this supposed “dress rehearsal” of the NFL preseason… the one in which Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers actually played TWO SERIES, this was as close as we’d get to an actual game.

Here’s the thing. Rodgers was 6-of-9 for 60 yards, 1 TD and no picks.

If you’re looking at the bottom line, which you should, then you see one of two drives for a touchdown. If you saw the game, you’d have also noted a couple things.

One, Rodgers was in midseason form. And we don’t mean rifling passes wherever he wanted. We mean holding on to the fucking ball for 10 seconds a play.

CAN’T THROW A INTERCEPTION! CAN’T TAKE THAT SMALL CHANCE! Gotta run around until there’s no chance that my quarterback rating could possibly go down!

LOOK, everyone! Aaron Rodgers’ quarterback rating — even in the preseason — is what’s important here!

I mean, what would Olivia say if QB1 threw a pick to Johnny Thirdstring?

She’d dump his ass on the spot!

AND WE CAN’T HAVE THAT!

Because the Green Bay Packers’ success this season clearly relies on that bitch’s whims. So you better stroke her ego when you run into her at Festival Foods.

Let’s get on to the people we actually care about.

Listen, Joe Callahan, you have done more than anyone has expected. You’ve run the offense admirably as the main man of that offense. We imagine you’re getting mad pussy because of that. If Davante Adams weren’t such a complete and total bag of shit, you’d look a a lot better…

We noticed that. That throw across your body! You should not have thrown that ball. But you did and it was perfect! And we’re back to that cunt hair Davante Adams. That guy doesn’t deserve to be on any NFL team. He sure as shit doesn’t deserve to be on the Green Bay Packers. Unfortunately, since that fuckface Big Ted drafted him in the second round — and BIG TED KNOWS THE SECOND ROUND! MRAH! — Davante will get to stick around another season. And you, Joe Callahan, will not.

It’s not your fault. Had you allowed Big Ted to fuck your ass like Davante Adams obviously has, you might get a roster spot too.

Frankly, when it comes to the players we wanted to see, most of them weren’t out there.

Here’s what we noticed.

  1. Julius Peppers shouldn’t be starter. Nick Perry should be. Peppers is only a situational player at this point. We do not give a fuck about his previous resume. This is about the right thing for the team. Three words: Set. The. Edge.
  2. Davante Adams, if it isn’t clear — fuck you. Die. Cut yourself. Can a player cut themselves from a football team? I mean, they won’t, but you don’t deserve to be on ANY team right now.
  3. Which brings me to the fact that Fat Mike can go fuck himself. He’s going to keep that loser Davante Adams. We just know it. And that piece of shit will probably be the No. 3 on week 1, despite the fact that Jared Abbrederis should be that guy.
  4. Mike McCarthy needs to lose weight. He let himself go last season. Wasn’t in the top condition that we needed him in. That’s why I benched him against Detroit. He wasn’t taking the offseason seriously…
  5. Geronimo Allison — three catches for 78. We love the guy. Here’s the problem — Big Ted is going to give a roster spot to Trevor Davis, who doesn’t deserve one and was drafted at least two rounds too high, simply because he was drafted. Look, Big Ted CAN’T BE WRONG right away (like he was with Demetri Goodson, Carl Bradford, Brain Brohm, Jerel Worthy and so on and so forth).
  6. Datone Jones is going to play a role this year. And, on the other hand, Jayrone Elliott — the one guy we all wanted to step up — can fuck off. Biggest disappointment of this preseason. I’m sorry, but you’re cut Jayrone!
  7. Packers need to figure out the return game, which is still a total and complete garbage dump. Here’s an idea: we know Big Ted will find an excuse to keep Trevor Davis, despite the fact that he has no business being an NFL receiver or a fifth-round draft pick. He might as well return everything! Am I right? The Packers will keep him on the roster over someone more deserving. At least use that fucker. He won’t give them shit as a receiver in 2016.
  8. Brice, Bradford — both of those guys just went out there and did their jobs again. We don’t see how they don’t get roster spots. The guy who maybe suffers here is Joe Thomas, who should get a spot at ILB, but had a mysterious “calf” injury Friday night.

And at that, to hell with this preseason. We’re done with it.

But not so much that we won’t do this again next week…

Tags:
Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

    1

24 Comments

  1. Chad Lundberg August 27, 2016

    It feels like every year, Monty is getting crazier and angrier. Finding anything he can possibly be mad about. We keep Geronimo Allison, and PS Trevor Davis. I remember Myles White last year did a lot more in the preseason than Jared Abbrederis, but who the hell even remembers that guy? And now Monty has completely changed his mind on Jared.

    When this guy hates something or someone, it’s unlike any other blog on the net. But hey, at least he started his own site instead of complaining how other people run there’s. Aaron Nagler is kind of a bitch for example.

    1. ay hombre August 27, 2016

      I think he’s angry because he’s right about most of it. The only thing missing from the rant was Demetri Goodson somehow making this team for another year.

  2. Amin Hersheys August 27, 2016

    It doesn’t mean fudge Packers will be good this year. Say good bye to your great years you all will start tanking next couple of seasons. I’m surprised you idiot Packers fans live in Green Bay. Horrible city. Horrible team. Overrated QB. Fuck Green Bay city of losses. Haha!

    1. Icebowl August 28, 2016

      Lions fan ?

  3. Howard August 27, 2016

    Callahan was the second best QB on the field last night and that ranking includes all the QBs from the 49ers.

  4. Killer August 27, 2016

    This was actually brilliantly written and actually made me laugh hard several times. Not afraid to speak the truth — about everyone — Monty is the anti-bootlicker. I know this must alienate so many Packer fans that raise a small shrine whenever they see a footprint in the mud that could belong to Aaron Rodgers (or his secret man friend with benefits). So Monty does not even bootlick at the heels of his own readers!

    Takes crazy courage. Takes guts.

    Also, unlike the insubstantial and often fictional fluff of many of the other writers in this site (OK, OK, you got me, I’m talking Mordecai (and Rob Born)) Monty actually got down to the small details we would not learn elsewhere — where they would not even notice or, if they did, would not dare to speak or write of such foul truth of the Lucifer.

    Monty finds dinosaur bones and says, “Look, dinosaur bones” instead of “Oh my, Lucifer planted these 7,000 years ago just in anticipation of our sorry asses digging them up. Good one, Lucifer, but I will not fall for it!”

    Respect to Minty Monty!

    1. PF4L August 27, 2016

      “So Monty does not even bootlick at the heels of his own readers!”

      And then again, the readers aren’t bootlicking on Monty, except of course, for your sorry hormel chilli dripping ass.

      SKOL!!

      1. Tucson Packer August 28, 2016

        Killer just wants to feel like he has friends, maybe even a purpose. Why do you think he keeps coming here?

        1. PF4L August 28, 2016

          Well, being as the trolls are either Lions or Vikings fans. I can only assume they wonder what it’s like to be a fan of a team that’s actually won Super Bowls

  5. rebelgb August 27, 2016

    Worst article I have ever read on this site. Its like its a Viking fan site that decided to write a Packer article. Monty shut the fuck up and let Shawn do all the writing. At least his criticisms have some wit, unlike your angry pathetic dribble.

    Oh and “Geronimo Allison — three catches for 78. We love the guy. Here’s the problem — Big Ted is going to give a roster spot to Trevor Davis, who doesn’t deserve one and was drafted at least two rounds too high, simply because he was drafted. Look, Big Ted CAN’T BE WRONG right away (like he was with Demetri Goodson, Carl Bradford, Brain Brohm, Jerel Worthy and so on and so forth).”

    LOL are you serious? Davis is going to be a star for us. The guy has wheels and can make the tough catch AND he might be the savior for our horrible punt return team.

    Another article like this piece of shit and im moving on. I know I know..”dont let the door kick you in the ass..” Whatever dude, try to be a little professional when you write.

  6. PF4L August 27, 2016

    WOW Monty…lol…ass fucking? Olivia determines the team success?..Your shock n awe writings might get you attention from other posters, like when you exchange gossip with the girls around the water cooler, but i just think it’s par for the course……Other thoughts…….

    Early in the game, Carlos Hyde did make Peppers look every bit his age, and then some.

    I’m not buying Callahan’s published height, he looks very short. But i am buying what he brings to the field. Although i think he gets a bit jumpy, he may have reason to be. Even with that, this kid seems more poised than he should be, he know’s how to throw on the run, and off balance. And it’s not like he’s throwing up wobbly bricks, even off balance he’s throwing tight spirals. I’ve said in the past, that good/great players aren’t great right away, but that they show flashes of what they are capable of in the future. Plus he seems to have playing passion. I know most Packer fans really like Hundley, but i like this kid better. I have no problem with Callahan backing up Rodgers.

    Although i don’t believe in pre-season awards, Martinez also looks like he has potential.

    Kudos to Perry for batting down 2 passes, love it.

    Lastly, and most importantly…the best thing i saw in that game was the fun the players and coaches were having on the sidelines, even McCarthy was involved. They were having fun with each other, not every team has great chemistry, but Championship teams do.

    1. Phatgzus August 27, 2016

      Agreed on Callahan and his ability, loved the zip and accuracy (for the most part) he’s been putting on the ball. Also love his escapabiliity (though he’s not Rodgers fast), the fact he keeps his eyes down field when scrambling, his ability to throw on the move, and his propensity to not make poor decisions. Was waiting for him to take some deep shots to see if he ad NFL arm strength or not and it certainly looks like he can make all the throws. Was nice to see him finally start going through his progressions and not just duck and run after his first read or two and actually get his receivers involved. That said, I feel much more comfortable with Hundley in there, especially considering Hundley has actually played vs. starters and tore them up for the most part, that and Hundley played in D1 not D3. Even after losing Scoots to FA (can’t wait for that 7th rd. comp. pick, oh boy) the QB position for the future seems to be in good hands, assuming all of our QBs don’t adopt Linsley’s rehab methods.

  7. Phatgzus August 27, 2016

    Whoa, Nelly! I mean Monty. Take it easy there lil’ guy. A word of advice: stay away from woodlands and coastal seas for the next few days, or better yet, don’t and bring your bae Killer along with you, the world could do with a few less retarded apes sucking up resources.

    How do you know what TT is going to do with Allison and Davis? especially with Janis injured, both or neither could make the team. I imagine it’d be a lot easier to stash a UDFA with poor speed and little STs (kind of a BD [no no the BDs you’re used to] for young players) ability than a burner with fantastic hands and return ability. Furthermore, Allison HAS had the better preseason, making plays in every game, but Davis has been open, including on a long bomb that Callahan JUST overthrew (1 of 2) AND he actually caught a pass from Rodgers.

    Apparently you haven’t watched the preseason or you wouldn’t be using Carl Bradford to support your argument as that example pretty much completely undermines it.

    Davante Adams just cannot catch a ball when he leaves his feet and it’s frustrating as fuck because you can se what he’s capable of on plays like the next pass he got from Callahan where he made a fantastic grab, or the back shoulder from Hundley last week. Go ahead and give up on him, I hope you end up eating your diarrhea, errr Hormel-flavored words.

  8. PF4L August 27, 2016

    I can’t stop smiling in such an entertaining way.

    I see all this anger and rage, all over a Packer pre-season win, in which almost everyone looked pretty good.

    What does Monty then do after a regular season game where everyone plays like shit? Become happy?

    1. Icebowl August 28, 2016

      My thoughts exactly P4.. !

  9. MJ August 27, 2016

    Bradford took two years to be able to contribute. Goodson, only special teams, but “still on the roster?” Is what comes to mind. Janis is out of the equation due to injury. Adams should be given at most the next game to prove that he has learnt anything at all in these two years. Yes, Bradford became a contributor… woohoo, way to go,Big Ted. With time, those “experiments” and draft reaches can contribute, but you get only one or two good years out of their rookie contracts, and then let them go or pay them like free agents. So, when do you give up on your draft choices and take some undrafted guy that looks better, I guess the answer is not unique. GB errs on the side of “he may be a star and we might regret releasing this guy”.

  10. Icebowl August 28, 2016

    Biggest stir re that game is Klapperdick not standing for Anthem…
    What’s with that ?

    1. PF4L August 28, 2016

      He said he doesn’t want to stand up and show respect for a Country that oppresses black people.

      But he has no problem making 12 million/year in that same country, even as a failure.

      He also doesn’t seem to have a problem when blacks kill each other everyday, or when innocent black infants and kids get shot to death in crossfire, as we don’t hear any outrage from him against that. Ya know….cuz black lives matter…..know what i’m sayin……

      If he thinks he got booed loud before that last game, by his own fans, he hasn’t seen anything yet.

      1. Icebowl August 28, 2016

        I figure nothings forcing him to stay in the USA, except his greed…
        I dont hear anything about hom donating any part of that salary to help…
        Never liked the guy…

  11. Zwoeger August 28, 2016

    I agree with Monty for most of his points made. It’s fueled by the buffoonery for several seasons now.
    About AR I thought here we go again with taking time outs( I mean he was only in two series).. except he was to late.
    Ow and and Joe Callahan needs to have changed his game piture becuase the one I saw looked much like Jim Carrey’s Dumb and Dumber. Would like him on the roster tough

    1. PF4L August 28, 2016

      Stay in school kids.

  12. Deepsky August 28, 2016

    Test.
    Adams sucks.
    Test over.

    1. Deepsky August 28, 2016

      Looks like I had to disable Shockwave for this site to post correctly.

  13. The Brad August 30, 2016

    I cant understand why all u douche nozzles come to this site to analyze the writing…..STOP coming to the site then fucktard.