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How Dare You Give Up Cheese, Aaron Rodgers!

HUGE NEWS out of Green Bay on Monday. Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has cut dairy out of his diet.

CHEESE!

GONE!

In America’s Dairyland! It says it right on the license plates!

How dare you, Aaron Rodgers! How dare you!

Is this the stupidest fucking non-story story ever? Probably not. The local media there really keeps that bar high (or low, depending on you want to look at it). It’s gotta be right in the mix, though.

Aaron Rodgers has cut dairy out of his diet.

OHMYGOD that means cheese! In Wisconsin!

One of those local media shitheels had a conversation with himself just like that. Then, we can assume, he immediately whipped out his tiny penis and started jacking off.

The rush of the revelation just too great not to have some sort of release.

Because this is the stuff, man! This is why we get outta bed in the morning!

So Rodgers wanted to get healthier in an attempt to prolong his career. After he had knee surgery in February, he went with a primarily vegan diet that featured the occasional slab of delicious red meat.

“I just wanted to get healthier,” Rodgers said. “I’ve done a lot of research and talked with Adam Korzun, our nutritionist, and some other friends around the league about how I can extend my career and how I can be and feel healthier. Through your eating, you can reduce inflammation. Because if you do research, you learn the different foods you eat can actually increase the inflammation in your body — and especially in certain parts of your body.

“With a knee condition I’ve had for a long time, it really started after the surgery, thinking about exactly what I’m going to eat the first couple of weeks after surgery to kind of limit the amount of inflammation in my knee, and carried that around the rest of the offseason.”

Rodgers is now down to 218 pounds, which is a weight he hasn’t been at since 2007.

You know where this is coming from, right?

Dreamboat.

That’s right, Touchdown Tom Brady.

Brady is so into diet he started selling a fucking $200 cookbook this offseason. He leads the movement among players for eating healthy and it probably isn’t coincidence that he continues to play at high level even though he’s 38.

Rodgers has obviously taken note and it’s quite possible these little things will help him reach his goal of playing until 2023.

But oh man, he gave up cheese!

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Mordecai Jones

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

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3 Comments

  1. Vijay-jay June 7, 2016

    That’s exactly why i don’t want to pay for others bad eating habits and health insurance. I literally rather they die than take money for irresponsible reckless eating habits.

  2. PF4L June 7, 2016

    “Is this the stupidest fucking non-story story ever? Probably not. The local media there really keeps that bar high (or low, depending on you want to look at it). It’s gotta be right in the mix, though.” – Mordecai

  3. Empacador June 8, 2016

    When he said dreamboat, I initially thought he was blaming Olivia.