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Minnesota Vikings

Mike Wallace Rips Teddy Bridgewater, We Laugh Hysterically

Teddy Bridgewater

We’re going to take a brief break from discussing all of the Green Bay Packers’ not-signing-any-free-agents activity to laugh at the stupid Minnesota Vikings.

Because what good are the Vikings if not for that?

The Vikings released receiver Mike Wallace after just one season last week. Yeah, those idiots just can’t get the receiver position right. But listen, Greg Jennings is available again…

Wallace, who’s known primarily as a deep threat, had a crappy 2015 in Minnesota. He caught 39 passes for 473 yards and two touchdowns.

The Baltimore Ravens quickly signed Wallace earlier this week. Wallace took that as an opportunity to let everyone know why he had a crappy season in Minnesota.

Because of the puss-armed douche throwing him the ball. That’s right, Teddy Bridgewater. Or as I like to call him, Ted Butthole.

“When this process started, I knew that I wasn’t going back to Minnesota,” Wallace said. “I was like, ‘I need a good quarterback.’ I need a quarterback who I know is proven and can get things done.”

In other words, Wallace needs a quarterback who can throw the ball further than eight yards.

Butthole’s range sometimes reaches 12 yards when he’s been lifting real hard. But usually, eight yards tops.

On the other hand, Ravens’ quarterback Joe Flacco may be a dope, but that clown can sling the ball down the field.

We find it insanely amusing to listen to a guy who played with Butthole disparage the guy. This guy is the Minnesota Vikings’ savior after all. The one who’s going to lead them to the promised land.

Just ask any one of those mouth-breathing, Hormel Chili-stained fucks who call themselves Vikings fans.

They’ll tell ya!

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Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

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9 Comments

  1. Dan March 16, 2016

    The moral of this story is that if you don’t like playing with Butthole, then you can’t be a Viking.

    1. MMTTDCSUCK March 16, 2016

      Nice!

  2. Mike Deeeetka March 16, 2016

    Sign Darrelle Revis. Then they’ll have Revis and Butthole.

  3. PF4L March 16, 2016

    It’s amazing how similar Bridgewater and Ponder are. They call Bridgewater an upgrade? Both have noodle arms.

  4. Pocahontas March 16, 2016

    Bridgewater will go as the most accurate short thrower in NFL History, which means he never got any 1st downs.

  5. Kato March 16, 2016

    Deeeetka- haha that was pretty good

  6. Ferris March 16, 2016

    Just play that 27 yard FG video again. Or the Favre pick. I’m not sure which one gives me more pleasure. Don’t play the NFC Championship against Seattle one though.

  7. vj March 16, 2016

    The funny thing is that we lost the division to THIS team and THIS QB…that in and of itself should crush any doubters about the overrated nature of our “go it my own way” stubborn ass GM.

    Let that bullshit sink in.

  8. Jessica August 9, 2016

    Monty, you are the biggest piece of shit to ever grace the earth. I hope when you’re sleeping at night that someone (hopefully me) make the biggest, juiciest, and hottest turd sandwich in your mouth and watch you slowly chew every last bite while you dream of sucking off your boyfriend. please drink the coolaid and may god have mercy on your soul