The NFL owners meetings are going on this week in Florida and more than just owners show up to these things. For example, Big Ted is there pontificating about his superior free agent strategy. Ginger Gap Tooth is there defending Big Ted and looking like Alfred E. Neuman. Fat Mike is also there, taking pictures and eating pies and other select desserts.
That’s right, the annual NFL coaches photo was taken on Monday and you know what? Fat Mike needs another chair.
Do you know why? Because he’s fucking fat.
He’s so fucking fat, he can’t sit shoulder to shoulder with the guys beside him. He has to lean forward slightly so his fat shoulders are in front of the shoulders on each side.
That fat motherfucker literally needs a second chair to fit in there.
The guys next to him — Bengals coach Marvin Lewis and Anthony Bourdain (who knew he got an NFL coaching job?) — are sitting there like, “You’re crowdin’ me, Fat Mike!”
Part of the issue here is the person taking the photo wasn’t like, “Yo, Fat Mike, go stand in the back where your fat isn’t oozing over onto the next guy. Stand next to that hipster dipshit Arians. You won’t look quite as fat and he won’t look quite as stupid!”
The only thing that was saving Fat Mike on this day, other than hiding in the back, would have been the presence of Fat Andy. Unfortunately, Andy Reid is having some sort of surgery — probably to dislodge an entire rump roast from his esophagus — and he isn’t at the owners meetings.
Eddie Lacy is currently en route to hold a press conference where he publicly tells Fat Mike to lose some goddam weight.
You’re on point today.
28 Head Coaches… where are the others you ask?
Participating in Free Agency!
John Fox looks happier than a pig in shit. Upgrading you player personnel will do that for a coach.
Yo
Parts Unknown Green Bay, WI. This week Anthony heads to snowy Green Bay, WI to chat with doughy die hard Packer fans about football and to taste local cuisine.
In fairness to me, the chairs are a little close together. If you look at John Fox, you’ll notice he is also leaning forward, and several of the others have their shoulders turned at angles so they can fit in. Blame it on the small, closely spaced chairs. Sort of like the tiny parking spots that you try to park in with your SUV.
I dunno who looks more uncomfortable, fat mike, or lewis and mccoy (think thats who is is)
My question is..all these coaching changes, not winning and getting fired, why does Jeff Fisher still have a head coaching job? He has never won anywhere consistently. Yes one team to SB but seriously. In the last 6 years his BEST season is 8-8.
Marvin Lewis as well. When’s the last time he won a playoff game? Ha.
What are you like 12 or what. For crissakes you sound like an idiot.
Mike… make all the excuses about chairs you want. We all know it’s about ‘proper pad level’ and ‘trusting your technique’.
I was just getting to that. Proper pad level is key. You have to trust your technique and stack success. You have to be able to handle success. We’re nobody’s underdog. We’ll watch the film and get things cleaned up. Any criticism of my philosophy is garbage.
Although the chair placement might be in question, what is not in question is McCarthy is wearing brown pants and brown shoes with black socks. Now a fashion guru I am not, but I know that this is about as bad as it gets.
Bruce Arians also told me he was trying out for for the lead role as Richard Kuklowski in the new Investigation Discovery biography titled The Iceman.
Your a buffoon.
Gotta admit, that was funny Monty.