Former Minnesota Vikings turd Jared Allen called it a career on Thursday. He did so in fitting fashion.
With a horse.
Riding off into the sunset pic.twitter.com/wZXovseGKS
— Jared Allen (@JaredAllen69) February 18, 2016
Allen played 12 NFL seasons. Most of those (six) were played with the Minnesota Vikings.
Was Allen a good player?
Yeah, he was really good, especially at sacking the quarterback. Allen finishes his career with 136 sacks.
Do we respect the guy? As a player, sure.
We’re not going to fawn over him like everyone else is today, though.
He was a shitty Minnesota Viking, first and foremost. What we’ll most remember about him are two things.
- The idiotic calf roping
- The number 69
Why 69, Jared?
Because that was his mentality. That’s why.
As for the calf roping, that was Allen’s sack celebration.
He didn’t do it so much in later years or maybe we just didn’t notice because he wasn’t getting sacks anymore. However, Allen roped pretend barnyard animals all the time when he played for the Vikings.
You know why?
Because Jared Allen is a stupid hillbilly and that’s what made him such a perfect fit for the Minnesota Vikings.
Or that’s what he would have you believe, anyway.
The funny thing is, none of it made any sense. Jared Allen is from Los Gatos, California, the 33rd wealthiest city in the United States.
The upper crust.
It was all just a ruse and everyone lapped it up like the loyal dogs they are.
Fortunately, the end of the line has come.
So long, you stupid pretend hillbilly!
I understood and never held a grudge about his ‘calf-roping’ sack celebration.
Vikings fans refer to that as foreplay. Their women got all squishy in their naughty parts whenever he did it.
Women or sheep?
Would have liked him as a packer, hated him anywhere else. Obnoxious dude.
Good riddance to the Goat Roper.
Good riddance. He unironically wore #69 for fuck’s sake. As some might say, he is boil on the ass humanity.
Except for the cash he’s raised for juvenile diabetes research. Also for visiting our troops, creating his own charity for Wounded Warriors where they make homes handicap accessible for when our troops come home crippled fighting for our freedoms.
A boil on the ass of humanity, is that what you tried to type?
Jarud Allen…whatta faggot
Life long packer fan! This is just about the saltiest thing I have ever read. Do better
What a class act you are McMahon! This is the kind of sportsmanship we have come to expect from Packers fans. You truly are representative.
Allen is a great person. A great human being. He has done more for others in charity work and otherwise than you could ever hope to do (let alone have the spark to actually try to do) if you lived 100 lives.
And he was great player. Not a “good” player as you indicate erroneously. “Good”? 136 sacks? He dominated nearly every year he played. He was a team leader. He was full of enthusiasm and brought a lot of fun to his game. The calf-roping was great fun and he was able to do it often against the Packers. He was so successful that you still foam over with hatred when he simply retires a couple years after being a Viking. You really are a fat red pimple of hate-mongering.
He’ll be in the Hall of Fame. Calling him “good” is an insult to all the members of the Hall of Fame.
Number 69? Really? That is your biggest criticism? Are you repressed or something? You are certainly hypocritical. Many Packer players have worn that same number and you have not vilified them for that. Nor should they be. It is a 2-digit number between 10 and 99. Just like your IQ. Wait, that’s it! You are jealous of the number because your IQ is less than 69. C’mon, Monty, just because his jersey number is higher than your IQ is no reason to attack him. When he retires no less! What a cowardly punk move.