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God’s Gifts Would Like You To Cut Someone Already, Big Ted

Andrew Quarless' God's Gifts tattoos

Do you know what time it is? It’s time for some God’s Gifts, goddammit!

That’s correct.

God’s Gifts would like to get his ass back on the field so he can get right back to lighting it up and being one of the best tight ends in the game.

One problem.

Gifts still isn’t on the active roster and Gifts would like you to hurry the hell up and cut someone so he can be, Big Ted.

“I’m definitely game ready,” Quarless Gifts said. “Definitely. Like I said last week, it’s just really about Ted Thompson (making a decision). It’s a lot of things that go into it. When I come up, somebody has to go. That’s a serious thing. So it’s just taking it day by day and do what I can.”

That’s correct.

The Green Bay Packers have until Monday to figure out how to accommodate Gifts’ wishes. Gifts would obviously like to start shredding motherfuckers real time with his tight ending skills immediately.

He’s currently a roster exemption because he came off short-term injured reserve on November 30. The Packers had 21 days from that date to decide what to do with Gifts.

During that time, he could practice with the team, but couldn’t play in the games and doesn’t count against the roster.

Now the question is, will the Packers activate Gifts and, if so, when? If they do, a roster spots needs to be created by releasing another player or putting someone on injured reserve (Ty Montgomery).

Alternatively, the Packers could send Gifts back to IR, ending his season, or they could just release him. And that would be funny because then Gifts would just be hastening his own demise.

God’s Gifts, ladies and gentlemen!

Andrew Quarless

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. icebowl December 18, 2015

    Dats watcha call a Selfie-Dick ?

  2. JD December 18, 2015

    Not too funny, a dick in the hand is worth two in the mouth.

  3. Eduardo December 18, 2015

    Another “No class” loser. We need more Donald Driver-like players.

  4. Phatgzus December 18, 2015

    Well played. I’d also like to add that a gun in the hand is worth 2 in a potted plant.

  5. Phatgzus December 18, 2015

    Regardless of his off-field, ahem, shenanigans (gfy, Farva) we could really use this guy on the field. He won’t save the offense but he’ll help, he’s always been a decent blocker for one and pretty good on third downs (except for in NFCCGs) for two.

  6. Phatgzus December 18, 2015

    As for who gets shafted, with Lacy playing the way he has I’d say it’s Crockett with his PS eligibility and all, unless the Packers think Monty won’t be able to return at all this year.

  7. Kato December 18, 2015

    Maybe one of their tight ends will come down with a random non season ending injury and they will stash that guy on IR. No need for 4 tight ends on the roster when two of them are unproductive

  8. Howard December 18, 2015

    If not Montgomery. I would guess Mulumba. Mulumba cannot make the game day roster even with Perry hurt.

  9. Howard December 18, 2015

    The Packers must be trying to get a pulse on what type of suspension the NFL may impose once Quarless is activated.