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The Detroit Lions Are Really Gonna Fix It This Time, By Golly!

Martha Ford

Ah, the Detroit Lions…

I don’t even know where to go after that.

They’re an embarrassment of an NFL team and have been for some time. They just can’t get out of their own way. The Detroit Lions do things that only the Detroit Lions could do and I don’t mean that in a good way.

When failure happens, you’re just like, “Well, they’re the Detroit Lions and this is what the Detroit Lions do.”

Apparently, today was the day the owner of the Lions — Martha Ford, who may or may not be a reanimated corpse — had seen enough of the latest round of Lions’ failure. She shitcanned team president Tom Lewand and general manager Martin Mayhew.

We can’t really see what difference that’s going to make in-season, but then again, things can’t get much worse.

The Lions, who are on their bye this week, are 1-7.

Just how bad is it?

Well, the team also shitcanned offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi and offensive line coaches Jeremiah Washburn and Terry Heffernan last week. They replaced Lombardi with the super cool cat named Jim Bob Cooter and then the Lions went out and shit the bed in a 45-10 loss to the Chiefs.

So it looks like that move really paid off and we’re sure this one will too.

Because these are the Detroit Lions we’re talking about…

So the Lions have tabbed some interim people to handle Lewand and Mayhew’s jobs. And they’re going to go out during the offseason and find only top-notch replacements.

“I want to assure our fans that we intend to identify and hire the very best leadership in order to produce a consistently winning football team,” Ford said. “Our fans deserve a winning football team. And we will do everything possible to make it a reality.”

You know, because who wouldn’t want to work for the Detroit Lions?

Perhaps Matt Millen is available? We hear he has a brilliant football mind.

Seriously, I know one person who is a Detroit Lions fan. He was cursed to be born in Detroit. He is constantly saying how the ownership is out of touch and doesn’t care about the team.

Well, at least Lions fans now have a sign that Martha Ford has risen from the grave to care about the team. She’s making moves, baby!

It’s not going to make up for years of ineptitude, but it’s something, by golly!

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Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

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10 Comments

  1. Dave November 5, 2015

    Such a salty little man. This woman could buy 100 Monty’s if she wanted to. Nobody cares about you and your shit blog Monty. You are a nobody.

    1. bob November 6, 2015

      That risen from the grave line tho bahahahaha

  2. Cheese November 5, 2015

    Weren’t they suppose to be fixing things when they got Caldwell? and Schwartz before that? and Marinelli before that?

  3. billabong November 5, 2015

    that woman gonna steal young boy Wolf from da Pack….

  4. Deepsky November 6, 2015

    Detroit is an absolutely horrible team that has provided the Vikings with 30% of their victories. Let’s hope they don’t right the ship as the Packers could use some easy victories too.

  5. Tim November 6, 2015

    The Lions are the consistent shit bags of the league, not worthy of being this division. However, they are the perfect representation of a shit bag city.

  6. The Money Mike November 6, 2015

    “Reanimated corpse”…hahahahahahaha.

    To quote Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack, “Hey doll you’re alright. You must have been something before electricity.”

  7. icebowl November 6, 2015

    Hilarious MoneyM, thanks fir the laughs all around….
    Work w a dude who actually flew to Londonto see his lions get their butts kicked….

  8. Fritz fm WI November 6, 2015

    She should be hired [rented?] to replace the chairman of the board here in GB! Because she is saying the exact things that need to be said, but won’t, in GB!

    1. Fritz fm WI November 9, 2015

      ok, i think i might be in love. anybody got her phone number?