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Bears Officially Give Up, Trade Jared Allen

Jared Allen

I mean, not that Jared Allen was anything but a shadow of his former self, but still. Their fans started giving up on Sunday when the Chicago Bears put up zero points in a loss at Seattle.

Today, the organization pretty much followed suit. They traded defensive end/linebacker Jared Allen to the Carolina Panthers.


Yeah, that’s right. The Bears were trying to make Allen a linebacker because they switched from the 4-3 to the 3-4 this year. Allen hasn’t played linebacker once in the 11 years he’s spent in the NFL prior to this one, but who cares about that?

Allen had just 5.5 sacks last season and didn’t have any this year, although he did have an interception, his first since 2011, when he was a sheep-fucking Minnesota Viking.

Carolina, which actually plays a 4-3 and is in need of a pass-rushing defensive end, gets something like that. A guy who used to be really good at playing 4-3 defensive end.

Who knows, though. Maybe Allen still can wrangle a few sacks for the Panthers.

The Bears defense is no prize, something he openly admitted in the preseason, and he was trying to learn a new position 11 years in. It’s possible actually playing with some talent might allow Allen to turn back the clock slightly.

So sorry your train wreck of a season is over already, Chicago. Couldn’t even make it to October this year…

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Vano Lucas September 28, 2015

    We do the same position dreaming with guys like Peppers and Neal.

  2. Big Gay Clay September 28, 2015

    Pepper’s has been pretty successful at the change though. Allen does not possess the same “freakish” athleticism.

  3. TyKo Steamboat September 28, 2015

    Jared Allen is a fag

  4. Packer Bob September 28, 2015

    Da Bears!

  5. elafave September 28, 2015

    What Tyko said.