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Where God Meant for Jordy Nelson to Get Hurt

Glover Quin

That place is Detroit, home of Lions safety and all-around genius Glover Quin.

He had this to say after hearing that the Green Bay Packers would lose receiver Jordy Nelson for the season with a torn ACL.

“I hated Jordy got hurt, but in my beliefs, and the way I believe, it was — God meant for Jordy to get hurt,” said Quin. “So if he wouldn’t have got hurt today, if he wouldn’t have played in that game, if he wouldn’t have practiced anymore, and the next time he walked on the field would have been opening day, I feel like he would have got hurt opening day.”

Praise Jeebus!

Jeebus know all! Jeebus say Jordy hurt, den Jordy hurt!

Somehow, some people thought that statement was ignorant.

And others fired back.


Yeah! Sick burns!

Also funny because they’re true.

The Lions and Glover Quin will never win shit.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Dave August 26, 2015

    The people who commented misunderstood the meaning of what Glover said. He wasn’t saying that God has it out for Jordy and the Packers. He was saying that he believes in fate and if Jordy didn’t play in this game, he would have ended up tearing his ACL in a practice or a regular season game. People need to take a chill pill. Seriously, he wished no harm or violence on Jordy. People are just a bunch of pussies today.

    1. Eduardo August 26, 2015

      Ditto on that Dave….big thumbs up.

    2. Lynn Fuckin' Dickey August 26, 2015

      nah it was a stupid comment. He should have just done what every pro athlete does and say something safe like “he’s a great player and it’s a huge loss for his team but it creates opportunities for younger players to step up” blah blah blah.

      maybe it was God’s Will that Stephen Tulloch tear his ACL mocking Rodger’s belt celebration last year? Or would that have happened if he’d waited a week and mocked, say, Colin Kaepernik?

      1. PF4L August 26, 2015

        Misundstood? Is that right?

        Seems to me Quin proclaims what game Jordy would have gotten hurt. Because according to Quin, “God meant for Jordy to get hurt.” So it was Gods plan to hurt Jordy, according to Quin.

        I don’t know what’s more idiotic. Quins statements, or guys like Dave and Eduardo agreeing with him.

        Personally, i wouldn’t have given this moron face time in an article. I feel like i lost some brain cells just reading this article.

        1. Eduardo August 26, 2015

          You’d better take it easy then…you don’t have many to spare dude. BTW……God DOES have a plan for all of us in case you’re a non-believer. Jordy going down was just part of it. Nonetheless….it will all work out.

          1. Phatgzus August 26, 2015

            Don’t the Bible command you to treat your neighor as yourself? Not very Christian of you to be insulting another person’s intelligence. Better get down to confession before GOD decides His plan for your eternal soul involves a rainbow-colored 12-incher getting stuffed up your ass for time immemorial.

  2. Mark August 26, 2015

    So God’s plan was to injure Jordy in the preseason but let us duke it out ourselves in the Congo, Middle East, North Korea, etc…?

  3. Abe Frohman August 26, 2015

    I’ve always found it humorous when athletes thank God for letting them win the game because I envision someone in the other locker room going “we would have won if Jesus didn’t hate Tebow [insert appropriate person here] so much”

  4. icebowl August 27, 2015

    Ok this is a stoopid article….
    ….about a stoopid person saying a stoopid thing that may or may not have been taken out if context….
    Go back to reporting about Olli and #12 lipsyncing…..