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Clay Matthews Will Grace Us With His Presence This Week

Clay Matthews less beard

All of you clowns with Clay Matthews jerseys can rejoice. Your boy has decided to grace us with his presence this week!

So, go and dust off that jersey and wear it proudly. You probably won’t get many more chances to do so.

Matthews resumed practicing on Wednesday and says he plans on playing when the Green Bay Packers face the Philadelphia Eagles, Saturday night.

That will be the first preseason action for Matthews this year. He has been battling “knee soreness,” a phantom elbow injury and vagina tightness.

“Hope so. That’s the plan,” said Matthews on whether he’ll play. “It’s always my plan, but I feel good. It’s good to get out there, run around and we’ll see what that means. Obviously we have a good Philadelphia team, one that likes to pressure you. We’ll see what that means, but I’m preparing for it.”

Immediately after making that statement, Matthews pulled a hammy walking back to his locker.

We’re kidding, of course.

Matthews went on to say that his elbow problem wasn’t fully healed and then refused to talk about it.

“The elbow is actually something that we’re dealing with from a medical staff standpoint,” Matthews said. “That being said, it’s good enough to get back out there. Very, very limited as far what I’m going to talk about. But I feel good. We’ve just got to be smart as far as personal health.”

You know, got to be smart.

Got to take care of No. 1.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Phillthy August 27, 2015

    I audibly laughed reading this, good shit dude.

  2. k88 August 27, 2015

    If Clay has these many ailments, he should just sit out the entire preseason and not take any chances.

  3. BT August 27, 2015

    This was really funny. It’s your elbow and you won’t talk about it? We’re not asking to divulge what’s going on with your penis Clay for God’s sake. Get over yourself.

  4. Ali-Ann August 27, 2015

    Com’on Clay, you used to be a beast of a Linebacker. I loved to watch you. Stop playing little games and do your job! PLAY SOME DAMN FOOTBALL!!!

  5. whaaa August 28, 2015

    If you would just concentrate on football like you do making all those damn commercials and movies, you might do better. Get your priorities straight.

  6. Zwoeger August 29, 2015

    Now I know where that elbow injury is from. Just saw him arm wresling the in Entourage movie.
    Some other Nfl players in it to.

  7. Hmmmmm September 7, 2015

    We already know what’s going on with his penis. He is failing to wrap it, therefore impregnating an old woman.