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Somehow, Jim Schwartz Now Has an NFL Officiating Job

Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz

You remember former Detroit Lions coach Jim Schwartz, the guy who took being a total douche to historic new levels.

Schwartz almost made Jim Harbaugh seem tolerable. Alas, if there was a douche off, that contest would have ended in a tie. In fact, one of Schwartz’s douchier moments as coach of the Lions was a post-game confrontation with Harbaugh that nearly flooded Ford Field. Due to too much douche in one place, of course.

Last year, when Schwartz was defensive coordinator of the Buffalo Bills, he still managed to outdouche everyone, even though he no longer even had a head coaching gig. We speak, of course, of the time he made his players carry him off the field after the Bills beat the Lions.

Anyway, you get the point.

Jim Schwartz = total fucking douche.

And now this douche has a job with the NFL.

Yes, that’s correct.

The league has hired the guy with the personalized license plates that read DOUCHE1 to be a consultant to their officials.


Yeah, the best analogy that we’ve heard is it’s kind of like when banks hire hackers to run their security.

Schwartz will be providing officials with a coach’s perspective on their decisions. So, we imagine, Schwartz will just be yelling at these guys each week.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. the real russ letlow May 26, 2015

    Roger Goodell can now walk around the office saying , “May the Schwartz be with you!”

    1. Phatgzus May 26, 2015


  2. 13time1265 May 26, 2015

    So now the officials have to listen to a dickbag? Greeeeaaat idea NFL!

  3. icebowl May 29, 2015

    Did I miss something?
    Is Oberdouche Pete “The Sneak” Carrol retiring from said job….?
    He’s been a “consultant” to officials for years….