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Meanwhile, Adrian Peterson Really Wants Out of Minnesota

Adrian Peterson

We haven’t noted what a bunch idiots the Minnesota Vikings are for at least a few days, but this latest Adrian Peterson story reminded us of just that.

Peterson, a noted child abuser, has been reinstated by the NFL after missing most of the 2014 season for beating one of his kids. He’s made it pretty clear that he isn’t happy with the support he received from the organization and the team’s shitty fans during his ordeal. We’re not sure what he expected, but Adrian Peterson is pretty much a total fucking unaware moron, so we wouldn’t be surprised if he thought he’d be showered with praise for “disciplining” his child.

Basically, he’s exactly the player the Minnesota Vikings deserve.

However, Peterson’s displeasure with whatever has made his relationship with the Vikings uneasy. It’s widely believed that he wants to be traded or released. Of course, he has no leverage other than to be a total dick. Peterson is under contract at a generous $12.75 million for the 2015 season.

Now, if there was any question as to exactly what Peterson wants, there isn’t anymore.

He wants to play for the Cowboys.

Peterson, who is from Houston, was at the Rockets game on Tuesday night and…

The Vikings say they have no interest in trading Peterson. They would prefer that he just continue to be a distraction and that’s fine with us.

We’d love to see an uninterested, unmotivated Adrian Peterson torpedo the Vikings season. Maybe he can purposely blow some blocking assignments and get young Teddy Butthole killed while he’s at it!

This can only work out positively.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. MMK April 29, 2015

    I would love that. However, even selfishly he’s too proud and too competitive to lay down and die if he has to play for the vikes. He’ll run hard as fuck and turn them from a 6-10 team into a 7-9 team.

  2. Cheese April 29, 2015

    Not really sure what he’s mad at the Vikings for. Goodell is the one who suspended him for beating his kid. The only person he should be mad at is himself, or the environment that made him think it’s ok to whip his offspring with tree branches.

    1. Abe Frohman April 30, 2015

      When you’re a narcissist, those rules that apply to us “normal” folks don’t apply to you.

  3. Larry April 29, 2015

    So if Rodgers wanted out the Packers would just cut him loose for a 5th round pick? Highly doubtful.

  4. Lisa April 29, 2015

    Why TF would Dallas want a child beater?

  5. PF4L April 29, 2015

    AP’s feelings were hurt because the Vikings “let” the NFL put him on the commisioners list instead of backing him up. In other words, he’s crying because after beating his 4 year old child, the Vikings didnt stand by him, while Viking sponorships were leaving. apparently Adrian Peterson doesn’t understand that.

    But then again, Peterson has the IQ of a tomato, so who gives a fuck.

    1. Abe Frohman April 30, 2015

      Tomatoes resent that remark.