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Mike Wallace is the Minnesota Vikings’ Answer

Mike Wallace

Much like the Detroit Lions, who can’t get anyone to sign with them, the Minnesota Vikings took the alternate route. Make a trade, so the guy in question doesn’t have a choice but to play for your crappy organization. So the Vikings went out and traded for receiver Mike Wallace.

Because Mike Wallace is THE ANSWER!

The Vikings gave the Dolphins a fifth-round pick for Wallace and a seventh.

If you recall free agency two years ago, Wallace was the prize. He was coming off 64 receptions and 836 yards with Pittsburgh. He had gone over 1,000 yards in each of the two previous seasons, with a total of 18 touchdowns during those two years.

So, naturally, Miami gave him a huge contract.

Five years, $60 million.


The Vikings will now inherit that albatross.

They’ll also inherit a guy who caught 67 balls for 862 yards and 10 touchdowns in 2014. Wallace’s numbers with the Dolphins haven’t exactly been bad, but they’ve certainly been nowhere near numbers a guy making $12 million annually should be putting up.

That guy should be putting up 90 and 1,500.

Hence, Mike Wallace is a disappointment, which means he’ll fit in perfectly with the Minnesota Vikings.

They have a spectacular collection of underachieving wide receivers now!

In addition to Wallace, there’s former Packer Greg Jennings. Amazingly, Jennings isn’t quite as good when he doesn’t have Brett Favre or Aaron Rodgers throwing him the ball. He hasn’t surpassed 900 yards in either season in Minnesota.

Then there’s third-year man Cordarrelle Patterson. If you play fantasy football, you surely remember how Patterson was supposed to emerge as a legit No. 1 in 2013. Instead, he turned in a pathetic 33 receptions for 384 yards.

You would think one of these clowns has to go.

Our money is on Patterson, who was supposedly already being shopped. In addition to being awful, he’s the same kind of receiver Wallace is — a deep threat.

That being said, Patterson has only been in the league two seasons and isn’t expensive. Jennings, on the other hand, is. He carries a $9 million annual salary, which is pretty high for a guy obviously in decline.

Either way, we once again thank the gods that we are not invested in the pathetic mess that is the Minnesota Vikings.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Howard March 13, 2015

    The Seahawks will probably initiate a trade for Patterson or Jennings. They like viking receivers.

  2. TyKo Steamboat March 13, 2015

    I love this…

    1. Savage57 March 15, 2015

      These guys just keep running around in circles.

  3. Dave March 13, 2015

    Ok, so how is it that Haloti Ngata can’t do anything about being traded to the Lions? As far as I’m concerned, Ngata could have held out and not be willing to play for the Lions. Instead he says he is already comfortable and open to an extension. Then, the Lions actually sign a free agent (something Green Bay has yet to do), young and upcoming interior lineman Tyrunn Walker (ranked 17th out of 72 players). They are also nearing deals with other free agents that will put in nice contributions to the team. Add those in with re-signing many of their key free agents and the Lions have done a good job bringing good players to their “turd” organization.

    1. ferris March 14, 2015

      Go away Dave. You’re right the Lions are great and everyone want to play there. Now go torch a car in celebration.

    2. Phatgzus March 14, 2015

      Randall Cobb and Bryan Bulaga were Free Agents…

  4. bears for the win March 13, 2015

    I agree with you totally Dave. But green bay doesn’t sign free agents they just draft and develop which I wish the bears did more

    1. Savage57 March 14, 2015

      Unless the free agent is a former Bears player that after signing with the Packers has a career rejuvenating season during which the abortion of a football team 200 miles to the south funded $8MM of his contract to play for the Packers.

      You just wish your team had a fucking clue as to how to do anything to field a competitive NFL team. You need to go back to the ’85 Bears website and celebrate the last time your Fucks had relevance.

  5. Justin T March 13, 2015

    I wouldn’t over look this. They have some decent weapons on the offense. Charles Johnson whom the packers drafted is currently their number 1 WR. He is a burner along with Wallace now. They also have a huge tight end. If Peterson comes back they definitely won’t be a push over. Stay humble

    1. rebelgb March 14, 2015

      Agreed. Some talented WR’s who havent had the best QB’s throwing them the ball in the past, hence the sub par numbers.

      If the Viqueens QB can actually turn into a legit NFL starting QB, something the verdict is still out on, then these guys could be fairly formidable.

      Still wont be good enough to beat the Packers though…

  6. MMTTDCSUCK March 14, 2015

    These teams nearly beat us last year, the lions are not pushovers, the Vikings will be relevant if Bridgwater does grow from his first year behind center. Seattle is going to be monstrous this year. Mr. Draft and Develop” better be pulling a “Rabbit out of his hat” soon, because I do not believe the Pack is a complete team by any means. No ILB, no tall, fast TE, and CB is not as deep. The sky is not falling, but TT is missing out again for a stud in FA. Unless Bradford, Goodson, Hubbard, R. Rodgers, and J. Perrillo wake up, and one or two of our draft choices click right away, the Pack will not have made enough sound personnel moves IMHO.

  7. yo paulie March 14, 2015

    Basically the vikings gave up the 5th round pick they got from Buffalo for Matt Castle and got Mike Wallace & a 7th round pick in return. Hence, Castle for Wallace. Everyone really did win there. Castle has a chance to start, the Fins dump a salary and Norv Turner gets a deep threat receiver. The contract is the real problem. I have a hard time believing the Vikings would have done the deal without addressing that in some way with Wallace, but they have done more stupid things than that.

  8. TyKo Steamboat March 14, 2015


    they just released Jennings…


    1. Fritz March 14, 2015

      could jennings come back to GB? maybe he plays better outdoors in the cold? it is little things like that a player’s manager doesn’t understand.

  9. disposable hero March 14, 2015

    And Curt Jenkins just got cut, fuck him. Have fun in chOAKland you douche canoe.

  10. Pelk March 15, 2015

    Sure must be great to think you have the perfect organization that always makes the best decisions. Always drafts the best players and signs the best free agents. Must be worried the Vikes are becoming a threat that your have to be so nasty or maybe your just like to hear yourself talk stupid.

    1. Tucson Packer March 16, 2015

      “Worried the Vikes are becoming a threat”?