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Don’t Worry, John Kuhn Will Probably Be Back

John Kuhn

We know there are many of you who will be relieved to know that free agent fullback John Kuhn will likely return to the Green Bay Packers this year.

Coach Mike McCarthy said Kuhn is still in the Packers’ plans, on Wednesday. He then went on some diatribe about how tight ends and fullbacks are one in the same, but we really could care less about that.

What we care about is your love for yelling “Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhn” when the bulky white guy rumbles for negative one on second and short. Because you LOVE to do that. And we want you to be happy.

I mean, forget that no one in the NFL utilizes the fullback position anymore. Forget that Kuhn is going to be 33 later this year. Forget that Kuhn has surpassed 100 yards rushing in a season only once in his career.

Forget all that shit.

Doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you NEED to yell “Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhn” because this guy is fuckin’ awesome!

He carries a lunch pail just like you do. Pay close attention next time you’re watching a game. When Kuhn is in the game for his allotted two plays, you’ll be like, what the hell is that black box in Kuhn’s left hand?

Why, it’s a goddam lunch pail! I carry a lunch pail! John Kuhn is ME!


Yeah, seriously, the Packers didn’t re-sign Kuhn until April 3 last year. And then, they gave him just a one-year deal worth $1 million. He’ll probably be playing for the veteran’s minimum this year.

Now, let’s relive some great moments in John Kuhn.

John Kuhn Lambeau Leap fail

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Church Lady March 26, 2015

    Great. One more year of the 4th and 1 play where Kuhn tries to go over the top instead of running someone over. Joy.

  2. BZ in BA March 26, 2015

    I would rather see large, athletic, seam-splitting TEs. I don’t remember when the last time was we had a TE that we could count on for the tough 3rd down yardage. With a running back like Big Eddie, who lays the wood every time he smashes into the line, we don’t need a FB at all in my opinion.

    1. Fritz March 27, 2015

      we made the same mistake as Dallas last year by over utilizing our one running threat– Murray in their case, and to a slightly lesser extent, EL with us. Dallas has paid for it big time.

  3. NachoDan March 26, 2015

    I just think of Kuhn as an offensive lineman who reports as an eligible receiver.

  4. Feck March 27, 2015

    Remember that Block on Peppers that ruined a Bear’s Super Bowl? Kuuuuhn!

  5. [email protected] March 27, 2015

    Totally disregard the blocking, run game & o-line support why don’t you? Not mention that A-Rog loves him some JK.

  6. Name (required)Rob April 10, 2015

    It’s not just about production, it’s also about loyalty and loving a player that most people take into consideration. Remember, Green Bay is owned by the people, not some billionaire. There are plenty of players who may not be, and past players who may not have been the best, but they did well in GB because they fed off the fans and the fans supported them and loved them. Those of you who say we haven’t had good TEs are dilusional. Mark Chmura, Bubba Franks, Donald Lee… Again, not the best but they worked fine for GB.