Type to search

DeMarco Murray

The NFL free agency signing period is still going on, but things have cooled considerably after all of the opening day shenanigans.

The Green Bay Packers have done exactly this since re-signing Randall Cobb and Bryan Bulaga: jack shit. And if you expected otherwise, then welcome to the party, Johnny-come-lately.

That doesn’t mean other teams stopped doing things. In fact, a number of teams kept right on being the same dipshits they were when free agency opened. Here’s the quick and dirty need to know from Wednesday and Thursday.

First, we’ll mention that we found pretty much nothing noteworthy about Wednesday. In past years, free agency opened and there were still some top-tier guys left available to sign contracts on day two or even day three. Not so much this year. The three-day legal tampering window that now proceeds free agency seems to have taken care of that.

  • If you’re on the lookout for some Tramon Williams news, this is about all there is. The Saints, who obviously have no fucking clue what they’re doing this offseason, signed another cornerback, Brandon Browner, formerly of the New England Patriots. Could they still use Tramon? Sure. Their secondary was dog shit last year. They could sign Uncle Rico and that would be an improvement. Can they still afford Tramon? Now, that’s somewhat questionable.
  • Meanwhile in Chicago, the Bears are really tearing it up in typical Bear fashion. They went out and got an over-the-hill defender earlier this week (safety Antrel Rolle), so of course they had to follow up that killer move by signing an over-the-hill offensive guy. That guy is receiver Eddie Royal, who isn’t exactly ancient. He’s 28, so he isn’t a has been. He’s way more like a never was. Royal has never gone over 1,000 yards receiving and has only gone over 800 once in his career. That happened way back in his rookie year in 2008. Nonetheless, the Bears will pay him $15 million over three years because they are fucking awesome! Next, we expect the Bears to dust off Brian Urlacher and Peter Tom Willis. Those two moves will surely put them over the top.
  • When he isn’t busy eating Cool Whip straight from the container, Eagles coach Chip Kelly continues to demonstrate symptoms of mental retardation. The Eagles traded LeSean McCoy prior to free agency, so they needed a running back. On Thursday, they went out and signed NFL rushing leader DeMarco Murray. But that wasn’t enough. Once that deal was done, the Eagles turned right around and signed former Chargers running back Ryan Matthews. We’re pretty sure Kelly has his eye on Vince Young too, just so he can call the 2015 Eagles the Dream Team again.
  • Here’s what I find most conspicuous about this free agency signing period. The Oakland Raiders have done next to nothing. This occurred to me because, as Murray was sitting out there looking for a team, it seemed to me that the Raiders were the perfect fit. Who likes to run the ball? The Raiders. Who has shitty running backs? The Raiders. Who has $50 million in cap space? The Raiders. It seems like Murray was tailor-made to be a Raider. Al would most definitely approve. The Raiders have signed some guys, but they’re all just that — guys. The biggest name of the group is linebacker Malcolm Smith, a former Super Bowl MVP with Seattle. Reggie McKenzie obviously learned one thing from Ted Thompson — how bore your fan base to death.
  • We should also note that, like the Packers, both the Minnesota Vikings and Detroit Lions are pretty much sitting out free agency. Neither team has signed a free agent. Of course, those guys would have to convince someone to play for their turd of an organization first, so that’s probably part of the reason for their inactivity.
  • Lastly, we’ll mention that receiver Andre Johnson, formerly of the Texans, signed with the Indianapolis Colts. We mention this only because Johnson’s brother identified the Packers as one of four teams he was interested in signing with after he was released by Houston. It doesn’t appear as if the Packers reciprocated that interest.
Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Cheese March 12, 2015

    I don’t get the Eagles. They get rid of McCoy (who was a good player), then sign Murray and Matthews. Plus they traded their starting QB for Sam Bradford. Whatever, not my problem.

    1. Savage57 March 13, 2015

      I think it’s becoming apparent that in order to fit in with the Eagles you have to be a ‘Chip Kelly guy’.

      Now whether that means actually blowing him, I don’t know…

      1. Andy March 13, 2015

        Well this is when it pays off to be a green bay fan. TT would never do this shit, the chances of a Free agent paying off are so slim. Quite what chip is thinking who knows? I mean even if foles is average, who cares if you’re paying him peanuts? If you can have moderate production out of the qb position for less than 5m, you’re ahead of the curve. Sure he had a “shitty year” last year but they were still putting up 400 yards a game and winning. On top of that this is the same guy who had 27 tds and 2ints 2 years ago. I’d take that at his price tag over bradford anyday. Chip seems to think he’s getting the guy who put up 60 points a week at oklahoma.

        Fuck it, all that matters is that we got cobb and bulaga back. if we dip into free agencey twice a decade i’m cool with it.

  2. ferris March 12, 2015

    The Bears front office must be sniffing glue. When will they learn to build through the draft? They drafted Forte by far their best player. They drafted Jeffrey their second best player. Cutler FA disaster, Marshall FA headcase, J. Allen FA a-hole, Houston FA ACL celebrator.
    I’ll stop there but the list goes on and on and on. Put down the glue.

  3. Rick March 12, 2015

    Great wrap up, I’m dying lol

  4. TyKo Steamboat March 12, 2015

    The Jimmy Graham move was wise by Saints

    1.) It’s a cash dump, freeing cap space
    2.) you get the 31st overall pick
    3.) you get a pro bowl Center

    Not only that but the guy doesn’t block & hes hurt all the time.

  5. jtmax March 12, 2015

    Chip Kelly has a formula: Get rid of ‘Sean. LOL.
    DeSean Jackson gone. LeSean McCoy gone. Nick Foles gone.
    These guys are good players. DeSean and LeSean were exceptional. Sam Bradford? WTF

  6. Abe Frohman March 13, 2015

    what’s wrong with eating cool whip straight out of the container ;-)

    1. Savage57 March 14, 2015

      If you pour some Wheaties in and stir it up it makes a quick, tasty stoner munchie, too.

      Honestly though, I prefer Redi-Whip from the can. Nice to be able to get a little nitrous buzz while having a snack.

  7. Big B March 13, 2015

    Seems like the deal that should have been made is Foles and a nice stockpile of draft picks to TB for the Eagles chance to take Mariota. Bucs immediately better and no Jameis character headaches; Eagles get their guy.

    1. Andy March 13, 2015

      Everyone seems to be crowning mariota before he even takes an nfl snap. The guy has never taken a huddle. With all Winstons off the field shit why would you touch him? After last year with every guy like Rice, Hardy, Mcdonald why would you go near anyone with any hint of trouble? Sure the Bucs have nothing to lose but i’d definatley be cautious about trading up for either of those guys