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Detroit Lions

What Should We Get Matthew Stafford for his Wedding?

Matthew Stafford and Kelly Hall

Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford AKA Butterball is finally making an honest woman out of his classy, keg-stand-loving lady Kelly Hall.

The nuptials will take place on April 4 and someone has gone and found the couple’s Williams-Sonoma wedding registry.

Unfortunately, there is no gravy boat, so we cannot continue our tradition of sending a gravy boat to the other quarterbacks in the NFC North when they get married.

Also unfortunate, the ice cream scooper has already been spoken for. You just know Butterball loves ice cream. His fat face tells us that he probably eats ice cream after every meal.

He probably has a t-shirt that says “I Love Ice Cream.”

So, what do you think? What should we get them?

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Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

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16 Comments

  1. Adam February 11, 2015

    The Mortar & Pestle and include custom Valentine’s Day Hearts that read “Super Bowl” on them – that he can grind into dust.

  2. Big B February 11, 2015

    A pre-nup.

  3. Nacho dan February 11, 2015

    Matching backwards hats

    1. Fuckin' ESPN February 12, 2015

      For days

  4. JC February 11, 2015

    Coupons for 2 “Gilbert style” Whoppers. What a fat, I hope she gets paid for this. ….

  5. ferris February 11, 2015

    His real name is John. I didn’t know that. They have cheap friends no high ticket items have been purchased. Plus I don’t buy gifts for someone who signed a contract less than 2 years ago with $41M guaranteed. Wonder if the Ford family throws up in their mouth a little when anyone says 41.

  6. Savage57 February 11, 2015

    His-n-her butt plugs in Honolulu Blue and Silver?

  7. Snarff February 11, 2015

    A Gravy boat like Smoken Jay got.

  8. 1265LombardiAve February 11, 2015

    The entire Fathead collection.

  9. Kozak February 12, 2015

    A double headed dildo and a can of Crisco.

  10. cd4packers February 12, 2015

    A years supply of Kleenex. He’ll need em..

  11. Howard February 12, 2015

    There is nothing money can buy that would show the true way Packer fans feel about this happy couple. Your gift should come from the heart. You should put together a scrap book of all the fond posts, including comments you have authored on the couple. A video of packers highlights that Stafford has performed for the pleasure of Packer fans worldwide should top off the heart felt gift nicely. After all gifts from the heart and made by hand are always the most cherished.

  12. Carl w/ a "C" February 12, 2015

    The $300 toaster… yes, I said the $300 TOASTER…

  13. Andy February 12, 2015

    Tuxedo t-shirt with the sleeves cut off

  14. rebelgb February 12, 2015

    I’ll give them a hot load on his sexy wifes face.

    Or a pearl necklace…

    1. Shawn Neuser February 13, 2015

      Come on, now. Thou shalt not covet another man’s wife.