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Chicago Bears

John Fox Now Gets to Lose to Packers Twice a Year

John Fox

Got some garbage? The Chicago Bears will take that garbage off your hands, especially if you are the Denver Broncos! The Bears will reportedly hire John Fox as their next coach, giving him the privilege to lose to the Green Bay Packers twice a year for the foreseeable future.

Fox was just discarded by the Broncos after they lost in the divisional round of the playoffs last Sunday. Somewhat similar to how the Bears decided to acquire then-Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler when the Broncos were finished with him, after the 2008 season.

And that move worked out swimmingly for all involved. Well, all except for the Bears, but nobody gives a shit about them.

Broncos trash? We’ll take it!

Fox will replace Marc Trestman, who was a spectacular 16-19 in two seasons in Chicago. Fox coached the Carolina Panthers before spending the last four seasons with the Broncos and has a 126-96 overall record.

That’s pretty nice, if you like regular season victories. Fox is 8-7 in the playoffs. He took Carolina to the Super Bowl following the 2003 season and took Denver last season, losing both.

So maybe, someday, Fox can lose a Super Bowl with the Bears too.

As usual, fantastic hire by Chicago.

Of course, the only acceptable hire for the Bears head coaching position is Ditka.

You could throw some sunglasses and Just For Men on that bastard, make him the coach of the Bears again and they’d be partying like it’s 1985 in Chicago.

The only problem is, he’s fucking senile now.

Have you seen Ditka on Sunday Countdown?

C’MON MAN!

So anyway, here’s to you Chicago. And here’s to a job… done.

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Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

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11 Comments

  1. kato January 16, 2015

    I hate the bears as much as anyone, but this is a fairly good hire. Not sure why you think it is so awful for them. He has been to two super bowls, which is more than 90% of the coaches in this league. The one year Jake delmomme was his qb the one year for god’s sake.

  2. Abe Frohman January 16, 2015

    1. Cheese January 16, 2015

      Fitting for these two teams.

  3. TyKo Seamboat January 16, 2015

    Fuck the Broncos & Fuck the goddam bears

  4. bears for the win January 16, 2015

    When john fox is kicking your redneck sun burned ass’s don’t come crying to us bears fans.
    Bye y’all and hope you have fun fucking those cows in the pasture!!!

    1. Savage57 January 17, 2015

      Stop. Rewind. Play.

      The same tired, vapid song that y’all have been singing since 1986.

      Your guys are the Packers bitches, they still suck dog dick, and your job is lapping up the splooge, loss after loss after loss.

      Bears fans always talking about ass? Coincidence? I think not.

  5. Shawn Neuser January 16, 2015

    Very nice, mediocre hire by the Bears. Kind of like the Lions hiring Jim Caldwell.

    Now the Bears should start Fox’s presser off by saying- “The first thing I’d like to do is thank John Elway…”

  6. Salazar January 16, 2015

    Fuck the Bears, fuck em forever and always, but come on. John Fox is far from a garbage coach. I for one am excited to hopefully see a little more competition within our division rivalries. It’s so much sweeter to kick the Bears’ and Vikings’ asses when it isn’t a guaranteed win.

  7. Cheese January 16, 2015

    I don’t know how you have Trestman going 16-19 in two seasons when there’s only 32 games and they never went to the playoffs. He actually went 13-17.

  8. bears for the win January 16, 2015

    You fuckers are idiots!! Whoever says that this is a bad hire must be high on cow gas cause of fucking them all day!!!

  9. packer hater February 11, 2015

    Packer fans are moronic inbreds! Mike mcarthy is a fat inbred! Packer fans make me sick! How bout them seahawks! No go home and fuck your sister packer fans!