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Chris Christie’s Fat Ass is Coming to Town

Monty McMahon by Monty McMahon
October 7, 2015
in Uncategorized
13

Chris Christie

The Dallas Cowboys will be bringing their mascot — a fat, middle-aged politician named Chris Christie — to town when they face the Green Bay Packers on Sunday.

Scratch that. The mascot will be paying his own way, so as not to raise any ethical questions.

That’s right. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones flew Christie, the governor of New Jersey, to Dallas last weekend for the game and then let the fat man sit in his private suite. And people started wondering, is this ethical? That’s a good question, considering an agency Christie oversees — specifically, the port authority — does business with one of Jones’ companies.

Well, there will be no such questions this week and let’s just forget who paid for what last week, okay?

“Not wanting to risk breaking the team’s 5-0 streak by messing with karma, Governor Christie, his orange sweater and his son Andrew will all travel to Lambeau Field this weekend to attend the game against the Green Bay Packers,” spokesman Michael Drewniak said in a statement.

“The Governor will be paying for travel and tickets for himself, his sweater and his son to make sure we keep silliness out of the football season,” he said.

I don’t really know what that talk about the streak is and I don’t really care. Let’s assume Christie was at five Dallas wins this season.

The important thing here is obviously the sweater. Otherwise why would you specifically mention an orange sweater twice?

If you watched the game last week, you saw this fat bastard in his orange sweater. He was awkwardly trying to wrap it around Jones when the Cowboys took the lead. And hey, good news, everybody!

Chris Christie is wearing his orange sweater again on Sunday!

Who wants to bet it has sauerkraut and ketchup stains on it by kickoff?

In all seriousness, Jones has credited Christie and his sweater as some sort of good luck charm. Obviously, WE need a good charm too.

I say we go find some random person who’s only been at Packers wins this season and who’s worn the same thing to every game. In fact, go ahead and submit your applications below. I’m sure it won’t be hard to find a good luck charm better than Chris Christie.

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Tags: Chris ChristieDallas CowboysDallas CowboysGreen Bay PackersJerry Jones
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Comments 13

  1. Tedtomato says:
    8 years ago

    I think Ted should make sure these two clowns sit in the cold!! Fuck you jerruh and that fatass christie..this game is not about you!! I bet that ass clown goodell joins em for a threesome in that box!!

  2. Chad Lundberg says:
    8 years ago

    As a conservative registered republican, fuck this guy!

  3. E. Wolf says:
    8 years ago

    The democratic party must be stopped at all costs. The problem is the opposition consists of those beholden to corporate interests above and beyond their constituency. It is a least loss situation.
    As for as this guy, his shameless pandering reminds me of the Dancing Bear that was a traditional amusement in medieval Europe. Very much like a circus animal doing tricks.

    • Arcturus says:
      8 years ago

      Could you be less clear?

    • icebowl says:
      8 years ago

      I call separation between packers and politics you right wing jerk

  4. Howard says:
    8 years ago

    How about the beard for the Pack? All I care about is those assholes (jones) do not bring their bus filled with booze, Benjamin’s, and hookers while entertaining the head of officials prior to the game.

  5. icebowl says:
    8 years ago

    Don’t know if Christie or Jones makes me more sick…
    Pete Carroll comes in a close third….

  6. 1265Lombardiave says:
    8 years ago

    It’ll be a record day for brat sales with Chris Christie coming to town. He’ll cause another traffic jam in the concessions line.

  7. BerryJS says:
    8 years ago

    Chris Christie is exactly the kind of dumb cunt they would put ketchup on his brat.

  8. ferris says:
    8 years ago

    The orange beard trumps the orange sweater.

  9. knucklehead says:
    8 years ago

    E.Wolf,

    Yeah, now I understand why you are only capable of writing and thinking in one solitary, circular loop. Anything outside of your closeted anus lust for Favre is completely fucking mindless.

    It’s a new year, so let me start off by saying Fuck You for polluting this site.

    Go Pack!

  10. Max says:
    8 years ago

    The packers lucky beard is our good luck charm.

    http://www.wausaudailyherald.com/story/news/local/2014/12/29/packers-lucky-beard/21024447/

  11. Cary says:
    8 years ago

    How was the trip. You Fat fuck

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