The Glorious Season of Cutty! Has Ended

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cut Cutler

cut Cutler

And what a season it was. Unfortunately, the Season of Cutty! is over.

The Chicago Bears have benched the greatest quarterback and don’t-care lifestyle advocate ever, Jay Cutler.

CUTTY!

What do you think Cutty’s reaction was? Go ahead and take a guess.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE!

The Bears will now turn their fortunes over to Jimmy Clausen.

Who?

Exactly.

Jimmy Clausen. This doofus was a second-round pick of the Panthers out of Notre Dame back in 2010. He impressed them so much in his one season as a starter that they went and drafted Cam Newton the very next year. Clausen spent two seasons on Carolina’s bench and then 2013 out of football entirely.

That’s when the Bears showed up and were like, “Clearly, everyone else in the league was wrong about this guy and since we are phenomenal at finding and developing talent at the quarterback position, we are totally gonna outsmart everyone once again!”

And outsmart everyone they did. Just like they always do.

They were merely hiding the great Jimmy Clausen on their bench only to unleash him upon us in the 16th week of the season. After we had witnessed Cutty! take quarterback play into a new pantheon of greatness, we would finally get to witness the next evolution of the game.

No. The next evolution of mankind.

His name is James Richard Clausen.

Thank you, Chicago Bears.

That is not to say that our hero, the great and wise Cutty!, did not go out with a bang as only Cutty! could.

Prior to the glorious Season of Cutty! coming to an end, ABC 7 sports anchor Mark Giangreco had a tremendous on-air freakout. You see, he’s mad as hell and he’s not going to take this anymore.

He started with the hot “fire everyone” take we’ve been hearing a lot of lately.

“The McCaskeys have to fire everybody and cut the quarterback,” Giangreco said. “But they won’t and can’t so they might as well just sell the team to some jamoke who will move it to L.A.”

Oh, he also rolled out the graphic at the top, which asked the Bears to cut our man Cutty! or cut their wrists.

‘Tis the season for Bear fan meltdowns. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

10 Comments on "The Glorious Season of Cutty! Has Ended"

  1. pf4l

    Benching Cutler does not make me happy. The Bears signed Cutler to a long contract extension. As a Packer fan, i feel they should honor that contract and keep him for the duration of his contract.

    My guess is, after Clausen shits the bed the next 2 weeks, they will fire Kromer, Tucker, and Trestman (possibly) Emery.

    It’s cheaper to fire all those guys, then eat Cutlers contract.

    I think we should start e-mailing George McCaskey prompting him to keep Cutler. Maybe even draft up a petition to keep Cutty a Chicago Bear.

    The Bears without Cutty under center is completely unacceptable.

  2. kato

    I think we have seen the last of cutty in a bears uniform unfortunately. If they cut him before the league year starts they will have 16.5 million of dead money in 2015 and 3 million in 2016. If he is on their roster after march 15 of next year, a 10 million dollar bonus for 2016 kicks in. The reason he was benched is because there is a clause in his contract that stated if he suffered a season ending injury this year, his next two years are fully guaranteed.

  3. Some Guy

    What? Life without Cutty? Oh man, this sucks. I was planning on the Bears being guaranteed crappy for at least 5 more years. Now they have no place to go but up.

  4. Phatgzus

    You know what the funny thing is? Cutler is actually having the best statistical year of his career in terms of TDs and passer rating, and he just got benched! Who in the Hell thought it was a good idea to ever a) bring him to Chicago in the first place? and b) re-sign him to such a lucrative contract? Thank You Chicago Bears for being incredibly inept.

    • pf4l

      The best statistical year yes, If you count 3/tenths of a percent in passer rating. He also did have his highest completion %.

      But it’s his 4th worst in QBR. Tied his most fumbles with 9. Threw for his lowest average per catch. Threw his 2nd most int’s in a season (18) in 14 games.

      Here’s how i look at it. Some people think Cutlers having his best season. Fine, but lets pretend for a second, Rodgers had the same stats as Cutler this season. Tell me the reaction. Everyone would be losing their fucking minds right now right?

      Yea, its a good season for Cutler, but a shitty season for anyone that truly is, a franchise QB.

      And frankly….Cutler has NO excuse, this man has Forte as a back, Bennett at TE, Marshall and Jeffery’s at WR. This guy “should” be lighting the league up. With these weapons, Cutler is still a failure.

      As far as who’s idea it was to give him his latest contract, i’d think you’d have to look at Emery and Philips. Emery hired Trestman (fail) and Emery signed Cutler. Both i’m sure with Phillips blessing. If the McCaskeys were smart, they fire Emery and Phillips, let the new GM hire a new coach, and keep Cutler with the Bears for at least 1 or 2 years because of money owed and lack of alternative while searching for a new arm.. But then again, how smart are the McCaskeys?

      I guess we can say what we want about TT and MM…..But i’m glad that none of that fuck story down there, is happening up here.

      GO PACK GO!!

      • Phatgzsu

        “Yea, its a good season for Cutler, but a shitty season for anyone that truly is, a franchise QB.”
        -Exactly what I was hinting at.

        “I guess we can say what we want about TT and MM…..But i’m glad that none of that fuck story down there, is happening up here.”
        -Absolutely agreed. Hell we did just as well with Matt Flynn, Seneca Wallace, and Scoots Tolzien, Quack Jennings, and McMillain as the Bears are this year.

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